Another Gurian Thread -- Independence

[rainmaker]

Another Gurian item that I really see a lot in basketball, both in reffing and in the players is "The Need for Independence."

Gurian's words are, "...boys need space, a comfort zone, an amplified sense of not being threatened....Think of the boy who will not go for help when attacked by a bigger boy, but instead, decides to take care of it himself." He points out that "many girls are very independent, many boys are not, but boys learn quickly that being part of a group does not mean one has to lose one's independence, and being part of a couple need not mean that either."

He points out that men tend to define themselves by their interests and abilities, where women tend to define themselves by their relationships. As always, these are generalizations that don't apply to every individual, but represent trends, or patterns.

It seems especially obvious in the male basketball leagues, where each team needs a "Star" and this person is the focus. He plays his game and the others sort of fit in around him. It appears to me that the women players use team-work a lot more, and it shows especially in the way they sub in more in twos and threes. I like the women's game a lot better, partly because it looks more like basketball, and not entertainment, but also because the women play more like I would want to play if I were capable. I respond to their style.

This independence thing shows up, too, in the attitude I see in a lot of refs -- go to meetings, go to games, do the job, go home. It's been a big adjustment for me, since I am very relational, and took it personally that others weren't being as friendly as I wanted. I finally started realizing that it's just who these guys are -- they're guys! And the culture is that friendship is defined differently for men than for women, and I needed to get my head around that.

The usual disclaimer: I don't necessarily agree with everything this writer says, but I've noticed things in basketball that tend to back him up.