coach addressing ref by first name
 

Situation:

boys Midschool game Coach for team A is long time friend. Every time I made a call or a non call that he disliked he would use my first name and yell "come on lets get it right". My partner stopped play and asked him to discontinue calling me by my name and address me as ref.

later in the game with me on his side, he again addressed me loudly and by name. I walked over and said "coach, I would like to be addressed as "Mr official" during this game". He jumped up and sarcastically said "OK Mr. Official I want to complain about the calls". I said, "coach, what would your question be?"

He then said " Oh now you are trying to show me that you know something", and walked away. I decided that a "T" would probably just escalate the problem, so I walked back to my post. After all, this is just mid school.

He was still chirping about this being the worst officiating he had seen, so as I passed, I said that he was acting un sportsman like and any further comments would result in a "T". that ended it. His team was blown out with more fouls called on the other team.

so, my question is, how do the experienced officials handle a coach when they are addressing you by first name????.

A long time friend treated you this way? Wow...

Seems like he needs to be on the receiving end of a heart to heart disucssion.

No kidding. I have called games for several coaches that I know fairly well, including a couple that I went to high school with, and they usually lay off of me and my partner.

I know most of the coaches in my area as well and some of them will say my first name loudly now and again, which bothers me a little bit. It was nice to do a game out of the area a few days ago because NO ONE had any idea who I was. I never realized how nice it was to be anonymous.

The problem is <b>NOT</b> the coach calling you by your first name. That's completely irrelevant to your problem.The problem is that you are taking way too much crap from that particular coach. And it being "middle school" or him being a supposed "long time friend" has got nuthin' to do with it either.

You do NOT let coaches constantly complain about calls or make derogatory comments like this jerk did to you. Ever!

You've got two choices. (1) Grow some balls and take care of bidness. Warn once and whack.(2) Continue letting this goof treat you like his personal whipping boy, as detailed in your post above. If you choose #2, then you deserve everything that you get...and you should quit whining about it.

Sorry...but there it is.

So, maybe this is something i should get use to. I guess it comes into play more when they use your name when they are being critical. Plus, everyone in the stands now knew my name and could use it to heckel me.

I wouldn't have complained if the coach would have said "Nice call or nice game and used my first name.

thanks. I think you are right on.

You'll find that many of us prefer when coaches use their first name and will always use theirs, too. Others feel differently.

I know many officials in my area do not allow coaches to use the official's first name when addressing them. Some of them just don't like to hear their name shouted out (perhaps it reminds them of their childhood :D). Others feel that it sounds too "friendly" that the coach and referee are on a first name basis. I view it a bit differently. First of all, we ought to know each other's first names -- after all, we introduced ourselves to one another before the game. When I am at work, if a client likes a decision I have made, they will typically use my first name. When a client does not like a decision I have made, they will typically use my first name as well. They don't refer to me by my title, they use my first name. Therefore, I have never had a problem with coaches using my first name -- as long as it is done in a courteous way -- even if they happen to disagree with a judgment that just went againt them.

No problems.
Since I have a tendancy to shut out environmental noise, hearing my name puts me on alert. Thus, I am more likely to respond in kind.
...Yet, the coaches remain "Coach" to me.

Kotter
 

Welcome Back Jurassic Referee!

Glad to see you're back, and in fine fettle, too.

What have you done with LahMe? ;)

Good to see you posting again. When I came back to the board after the completion of my soccer season, I immediately missed your curmudgeonly wisdom. ;)

For HS games put me in the "differently" category. The reason being that none of the coaches know me personally. I was brought to this community by the military, I didn't grow up here, didn't attend school with any of the coaches, and none served in the military with me.

There is only one coach who I wouldn't mind calling me by my first name and that's because when he sees me away from games he greets me by my first name and he engages me in cordial conversation. No other coach around here does that.

I don't mind first names. JR is right, though, you're taking too much. And frankly, I take less in middle school than in high school. Ask him much sooner what his question is.

I try not to use a coach's first name during the game - it's always "Coach" or "Coach Smith". But I have no problem with them using my first name...as Mick said, it gets my attention. With all of the "Hey Ref" stuff coming from the stands, I want the coach to be able to get my attention when they need to. It's what comes after the name that matters - in other words, if they say "Hey DJ, give me a 30 second time-out." we are fine. If they say "Hey DJ, you suck tonight." then we have a problem!:D

The other thing that will happen as you become more "well-known" in an area is that table crews will begin to know your name also. At least at schools where the clock operator, scorekeeper, etc.. are the same people all the time. It really isn't that big of a deal.

I kinda agree with Snack and JR. But with this issue I may be a middle of the road type of guy. They can say hey Steve didn't he get bumped I have no problem but when it becomes an ongoing berating of my name then I have an issue. And to go back to this thread and threads of the past Coaches will respect you more for doing what is right ALL THE TIME. If they are deserving of a T give them one don't worry about getting scratched or whatever the case may be. One thing that frustrates me as I watch the JV games that precedes my game is some younger officials that allow coaches to walk all over them. Stand up to them, once you do you will gain respect. BUT there is a fine line. When I say stand up to them you need to do so in a professional manner. The other thing that I see is we have officials that have this big EGO trip as soon as they put the shirt and whistle on. If you want to be respected as an official you need to give respect to coaches. Answer their questions when they can be answered. A read an article that was written by a NCAA ref and it made a good point when talking to coaches. It's ok to allow coaches to have the last word every now and again. Because as officials we have the final word.

I am not from my area, either. Makes no difference. I would no sooner insist upon a player referring to me other than as "Rich," let alone a coach.

Definitely wouldn't have high school or college players address me by my first name. But that has nothing to do with officiating. I don't let my children address adults by first name unless there is a 'Mr.' or 'Miss' in front of it. And I expect the same respect from their friends when they address me. All my teenage son's friends address me as Mr. 'LastName'. My 10 year-old's friends usually go with Mr. 'FirstName'.

So you're one of these "I'm Mr. So-and-So" guys? I always like working with them so I can follow up with "and I'm Rich."

I'm not as big into formalities, apparently.

It's really a southern/military thing. With kids, it's not so much about formality as it is about respect.

I live in the South. And this area has the highest concentration of US military population in the world. Not a single official I've worked with has ever introduced themselves by just their first name. With the coaches we say First Name/Last Name or no name at all. With players it's "Mr. LastName".

It's just how it is. And why the feeling of satisfaction about saying "and I'm Rich"? Are you saying there is something wrong with your partners who say "Mr. so-and-so"?

I guess it's not whether they use your first name, it's in what context.

hey Bill, I think that was a push
or
Bill, you butt head, you missed the call cause you can't see

I find it stuffy. It's one step less silly to me than "We are your officials tonight." I'd rather not introduce myself at all that say I am "Mr. So-and-so."

So be it. I feel one can show respect without being formal.

I lived in the South for 4 years and never once introduced myself as Mr. Anything.

If you don't want a coach to call you by your first name, introduce yourself as Alsdfuohqwerltnwledfjgasodfgkdrinldnpakdklkter. Works every time for me.

I'm one of the most easy-going referees you'll meet in your life. I grew up in California so I know everything there is to know about being informal.

This has nothing to do with being stuffy. I know parents who would pop their child in the head if they ever heard them address an adult by their first name. I often hear "Pardon me, Sir" from folks who are way older than me. On my father's side me, my brothers, and my cousins caught hell anytime we left off 'Uncle' or 'Aunt' when addressing our parents' siblings/in-laws.

I now work as a civilian on an Air Force base. On the 9-to-5 Mr/Miss/rank is expected. Away from work I insist my co-workers use my first name but there are quite a few who won't. We could be drunk together talking about sex and any sorts of debauchery and they still will put 'Mr.' in front of my name.

It's weird hearing my first name coming from a man. I did 22 years in the military. I'm used to my buddies just yelling out my last name by itself. I've had to train myself over the years to introduce myself by first name when meeting new people in social settings. Oh well, I digress.

Concerning the sex thing, I've always made my wife call me MR.

Two examples of the opposite side of the "Southern" or "Military" view of this topic. When I was 16, I got a job in a grocery store. One of the ladies happened to be the mom of one of my classmates -- I referred to her as Mrs. She told me that I made her feel old and she insisted that I call her Michelle. So, Michelle she was.

I have worked for the same company for over 25 years (started with them when I was 8 :D). Almost that long ago, I referred to one of the senior system engineers as Mr. Holgate. He quickly snapped back, "My dad's name was Mr. Holgate, my name is Tom."

While I always referred to adults by Mr. or Mrs. (I have a friend who still does), I never really liked being called Mr. In my case, my dad was a doctor, so I couldn't even use Mr. Holgate's line. I preferred that my players called me Coach and my first name (when I was younger, just my first name was fine).

Ironically, I have never liked being called by my last name (perhaps, it's because my last name is Dumass -- you know doom-is :D). I always preferred my first name.

C'mon Al!! That's over the back!

I worked with a guy whose last name is Cheeseman. When his wife was pregnant, I told him that if it was a boy, they should name the kid "Hammond". He didn't get it.

The lower the age group the worse the coaches are in regards to chirping about calls.

Which is why you nip it early and stop it.

Gawd, I missed your tough love! Glad you're back.

When I worked in MiLB, the Helena Brewers wanted to change their name and had a contest. I submitted "Handbaskets."



......I didn't win.

I was talking to my assignor. he actually thought that it's best if the partner takes control of the situation. then it doesn't look like the official being targeted has a vendetta.

So, coach starts yelling about one officials call's and maybe using the first name...partner say's....."whack" your on the bench, don't talk about my partner like that.

I have several coaches address me by my first name. I don't have any problem with it. If they know me that well, they know using my name won't get them anything special.

Coaches are generally very good about remembering names.

You definitely need a higher class of friends.

Its not a big deal. Calling me by my first name doesn't grant them any special privledges, and if the opposing coach thinks otherwise then who cares. We certainly dont care to much about coaches opinions about our calls and the job we have to do, why should we start thinking different here.

And I disagree completely with your assignor too. Doing it that way makes <b>you</b> look like you don't have the testicular fortitude to make the call. The only time your partner should be handing out "T"s for you is if you were out of the hearing range when the coach made a derogatory comment. It's <b>your</b> responsibility to make sure that the game is played in at least a half-azzed sporting manner. You can't slough that responsibility off on your partner.

You're overthinking the hell out of this situation imo. Never worry about vendettas, what anyone else thinks, how much time is left in the game, etc., etc. when you make any call. If someone makes an unsporting, profane, derogatory, etc. comment to you, just call the damn technical foul without bothering to consult with Dr. Phil about it. Call 'em consistently and evenly against both teams for the entire game too. And after you've called it, don't worry about it. Let the players and coaches adjust to <b>your</b> standards. They will.

Everybody has their own idea of what is or isn't a technical foul. And everybody sets their own guideline of when they should call the "T". There's nothing really the matter with that...as long as you are consistent with all players and coaches. Just remember though, you don't get the right to b!tch about a player or coach's behavior if your guidelines allowed that coach or player to act the way you are b!tching about.

JMO.

That is absolutely dead on.

Does it really matter if a coach uses your first name if s/he is respectful and professional?? My answer is no.

I officiate in dozens of gyms every season, and have about 75+ different coaches that I see on a yearly basis, and most I see year-after-year over the course of several years. If they want to call me by first name, then rock on.

Now, if a visiting coach asks me why he is calling me by my first name, then I introduce myself, and say, "coach, if you want to use my first name too, then you can. Just not in vain." ;)

Coaches around here don't care what an official's name is, at least not mine.

Here is my question

when you introduce yourselves to the coach what do you say I'm Mr Green or I'm Kelvin? (your names of course) We intorduce ourselves by full name or by first name..

Its not the name that matters it is how they use it... If you have reffed for coaches a lot, you know their names too..

I have no problem (if they arent being idiots and disrespectful) to say things like

Hey Kelvin watch the illegal screen next time down, or Kelvin give me a timeout... Its where they are being dinks and I dont care if they call be by first name or Mr President they wont get away with the garbage stuff.

Yep.

Peace

From my limited college experience, I've found that about half of the coaches prefer to use first names of the officials. I don't have a problem with it, but like many others here, I always refer to them as "coach" in return. I'm actually impressed when they can remember the first names of their three officials for that night - although seeing long-time veterans over the course of a regional coaching career makes it easier, I'm sure.

Half the time I can't even remember who the visiting team is going to be before I walk onto the court, or what the final score was as soon as I leave the confines.

And not to make any uninformed personal judgments or anything, but your long-time friend's an a$$.

They have an assistant whose job is to find out the names of the officials and write them down for the H/C so he can call out your name during the game.

This pretty much wraps it up for me. I introduce myself with my first name during pregame; if anyone ever gripes about another coach using my first name I'll just reply with "I told you my name too, Coach. You can use it if you like." Besides, there's more than one "ref" on the floor. How else will you know which one they want to get their "T" from?:D

Coaches are "Coach" to me, but this is because I'm brutally bad with names.

Similar Situation ???
 

Pregnant women goes into labor at home. Her husband is away on a business trip, so she calls her brother, and asks him to drive her to the hospital. At the hospital, she delivers a healthy baby girl. To thank her brother for coming to her aid, she says that he can name the baby. He quickly replies, "Denise". She says that that's a great name, how did he come up with that name. He replies, "It was easy. If it had been a girl, Denise. If it had been a boy, Denephew".

Ok guys.... Wednesday, i get the honor of officiating the same coach in another Mid boys varsity game. he is a friend...or was. How would you handle the situation.

Talk to him before the game or just pretend that nothing happened.

My thoughts are to take on the issue and say...Coach we are friends and if you want to call me by name, thats ok. but it is un sportsman like to loudly challenge all of the plays you don't like, I'm trying hard to do the best i can. if you want to ask a question, coach to official, i will answer them.

Man up or go home....
 

If you want the same miserable experience you had last time, do nothing.

I sensed a couple things from this and your earlier posts:

1. You are not confident in your rules knowledge and/or lack court presence. These are basic officiating skills which need to improve with each game.

2. You are intimidated by your "friend" who knows he can get the upper hand whenever he challenges you, because (see number 1).

Obviously I do not know the depth of your relationship with this coach, but it seems he thinks its ok to ridicule and abuse you in public. Not the kind of "friends" I would keep.

My recommendation:

If you feel you owe this "friend" the courtesy, tell him before the game that he gets no "special treatment" and if he acts the way he did in the previous game he can expect to be dealt with the same way an other official would handle the situation. If he asks for more details... tell him to not risk finding out.

Bottom line:
Man up and use the rules "tools" that are granted you.

Everyone likes happy endings!!!!!!!

This morning i ran into the coach that started this thread, by calling me by name in disputing my call's, at a local running event. I smiled and extended my hand and we shook. I said "Roger you can call me by my name whenever you want." he said " I was out of line in that game cause my team was getting blownout and they weren't playing well. Let's not let this get in the way"

It goes to show you how people in general get caught up in the emotion of an event and react. Even Ref's

I'm glad i made the first move!!!!!

:)

Time will tell....
 

Well.... let us know how the next game goes... I wish for the best.