Well, in spite of all the nice things people have been saying about me on this board, I still have a LOT to learn. Last weekend, I had a situation which got the better of me, and I blew it royal. Bad enough that the assignor took me out to lunch to talk about it. I'm too embarrassed to tell what happened, but I need help with the "homework". He says, write down 15 things you can say to a coach to cool him or her down enough that the game can go on. One example, "Coach, let's work together to be sure the players determine the outcome of the game." For the life of me, I can't think of anything. I've been working on it all week, and nothing is coming. Any helpful suggestions? I feel like anything I say will just be adding fuel to the fire.

The good, the bad, and the ugly
 

(Coach is acting like a howler monkey)
Coach, this gym is a classroom. Look at your conduct. Would you want a teacher to act like that in your child's classroom?

(Shorter version)
(In a calm demeanor) Coach,(pause for effect) who are the adults here?

Coach, I made the call based on (describe what you saw).

Coach, that is your opinion. It is my judgement.

Coach, when you started making my calls you stopped coaching your team.

Coach, that is enough (universal stop sign).

Need more?

Juulie, it sounds like you feel very badly about the situation. I'm sure you'll work through it and be a better official for it. As I've said on this board in the past, I've officiated for almost 10 years, and it's only recently (the last 2 or 3 years) that I have felt even a LITTLE comfortable talking to and handling coaches during a game. So don't beat yourself up too much. Please. ;)

As far as your homework, one line that was told to me was the following. If you make a call and the coach won't let go, you might say "Coach, if that's the way it happened, then I missed it. But I just didn't see that."

I have to give full disclosure and tell you that I've never actually used this with a coach, so I'm not sure how it goes over. But it seems reasonable to me and allows the coach to think that he has a valid point, but also seems to bring the conversation to a close.

Hope it helps.

Chuck

If it happened the way you say, I kicked it.

I'll look at that harder next time.

I'll ask my partner what he saw.

You had a lot better angle than I on that one.

You oughta check the rule on that one.

I just didn't see it.

I was looking and heard it, but didn't see it.

The defender was totally "Good".

We've been watching both those guys ... real hard.

Yes, I got your player and I'm gettin' the other guy next.

I only saw him hit the hand.

She stumbled by herself, coach.

No contact there.

We'll listen for that.

Okay.

I agree with Chuck. Let me tell ya how I explained a call I made. The coach ask me if I was sure the other team's shot was a 3. I told him, "I may have missed the call coach but this is what I saw . . . Therefore, I give the other team a 3." The coach replied, "Well, you were closer than I was and you were in the correct position."

I just so happened to work this coach as a visitor the next night. He had no problem with how I worked his game the night before. We had a very polite & respectable chat before the game on the 2nd night.

heres 8 lines i can think of that i liek to use:
coach are we watching the same game?

coach if it happened the way you said it did, maybe i missed it.

coach who has the whistle?

coach, if you want to ask a question i ll anwser you. if you want to holler, forget it.

coach, this is the way i saw it.

coach, thast pretty good. i wish i had your x ray vision.

coach, look under rule ( whatever) and you ll find the answer to your question.

coach, tahst enough.

coach, dont make me embarass you more than youve already have.

Josh,
I see you work in Michigan and Ohio.
Is Mark T. DeNucci your interpreter?
mick

Juulie - as you know, I probably am the wrong person to ask for phrases on how to politely calm a coach down.

About the only one I use is, "Coach, that's not what happened."

Here's one I used with an irate fan who started to talk to me between quarters: "You can stop right now while I tell you how this works. We don't listen to spectators directly. If you have a comment, go talk to your coach. Then, the coach will direct your comment to me. Then I ignore it. See - that's how it works. Thank you."

BTW - don't feel so bad. After all, you got a free lunch out of it.

i like to handle a coach by first ignoring him/her. Then i say coach your paid to coach im paid to make the calls. Would you like to switch. that usally gets a chuckle or two. and eases the tension

You could also use this Davism:

"Coach, let's switch places. You come out here and ref, and I'll go to the bench and act like a jackass." :D

I, like Chuck, shy away from saying anything to the coaches. Maybe after another decade of experience, I'll master that side of the game. Anyone of those answers above can be twisted by an irate coach into an exchange you would rather avoid.

Don't the rules specifically state that coaches use their captains if they have a question?

My favorite two:

"Coach, if you have a question, have your capatin bring it to me. If you must to talk to me, let me get the other coach."

"Coach, that's enough."

Without going into detail rainmaker, what "wrong" thing did you say? :confused:

If it were me i would would ignore him first then i would ask him if he think it is good for the kids to see what he is doing then i would ask him to calm down and ask if if he would like to ref. that is what i would do if it happend to me.

Re: The good, the bad, and the ugly
 

this is just my opinion of a coach reaction. if i were a coach this would be my perception of the situation.

mick,
these are pretty good. i think these are good for diffusing a coach who thinks calls arent going his way. props......

Always think the coach is there to coach his/her team
and to my sure the ref is calling it even both ways!If u
feel that he /she is trying to show bad sportsmanship talk to him /her in a adult way if that doesn't work tell your partner the problem and then handle it by the book and not the foot. Just be understanding (1) If they never seen u before it just a test to see if they move you (2) BIGGEST thing to remember no the rule and late the Game go on to see if you can weather the storm. ( He/She might not know the rules so they do what they seen other do. (But know the rule and then build u a good shield of ref. power)