Well, in spite of all the nice things people have been saying about me on this board, I still have a LOT to learn. Last weekend, I had a situation which got the better of me, and I blew it royal. Bad enough that the assignor took me out to lunch to talk about it. I'm too embarrassed to tell what happened, but I need help with the "homework". He says, write down 15 things you can say to a coach to cool him or her down enough that the game can go on. One example, "Coach, let's work together to be sure the players determine the outcome of the game." For the life of me, I can't think of anything. I've been working on it all week, and nothing is coming. Any helpful suggestions? I feel like anything I say will just be adding fuel to the fire.

The good, the bad, and the ugly
 

(Coach is acting like a howler monkey)
Coach, this gym is a classroom. Look at your conduct. Would you want a teacher to act like that in your child's classroom?

(Shorter version)
(In a calm demeanor) Coach,(pause for effect) who are the adults here?

Coach, I made the call based on (describe what you saw).

Coach, that is your opinion. It is my judgement.

Coach, when you started making my calls you stopped coaching your team.

Coach, that is enough (universal stop sign).

Need more?

Juulie, it sounds like you feel very badly about the situation. I'm sure you'll work through it and be a better official for it. As I've said on this board in the past, I've officiated for almost 10 years, and it's only recently (the last 2 or 3 years) that I have felt even a LITTLE comfortable talking to and handling coaches during a game. So don't beat yourself up too much. Please. ;)

As far as your homework, one line that was told to me was the following. If you make a call and the coach won't let go, you might say "Coach, if that's the way it happened, then I missed it. But I just didn't see that."

I have to give full disclosure and tell you that I've never actually used this with a coach, so I'm not sure how it goes over. But it seems reasonable to me and allows the coach to think that he has a valid point, but also seems to bring the conversation to a close.

Hope it helps.

Chuck

If it happened the way you say, I kicked it.

I'll look at that harder next time.

I'll ask my partner what he saw.

You had a lot better angle than I on that one.

You oughta check the rule on that one.

I just didn't see it.

I was looking and heard it, but didn't see it.

The defender was totally "Good".

We've been watching both those guys ... real hard.

Yes, I got your player and I'm gettin' the other guy next.

I only saw him hit the hand.

She stumbled by herself, coach.

No contact there.

We'll listen for that.

Okay.

I agree with Chuck. Let me tell ya how I explained a call I made. The coach ask me if I was sure the other team's shot was a 3. I told him, "I may have missed the call coach but this is what I saw . . . Therefore, I give the other team a 3." The coach replied, "Well, you were closer than I was and you were in the correct position."

I just so happened to work this coach as a visitor the next night. He had no problem with how I worked his game the night before. We had a very polite & respectable chat before the game on the 2nd night.

heres 8 lines i can think of that i liek to use:
coach are we watching the same game?

coach if it happened the way you said it did, maybe i missed it.

coach who has the whistle?

coach, if you want to ask a question i ll anwser you. if you want to holler, forget it.

coach, this is the way i saw it.

coach, thast pretty good. i wish i had your x ray vision.

coach, look under rule ( whatever) and you ll find the answer to your question.

coach, tahst enough.

coach, dont make me embarass you more than youve already have.

Josh,
I see you work in Michigan and Ohio.
Is Mark T. DeNucci your interpreter?
mick

Juulie - as you know, I probably am the wrong person to ask for phrases on how to politely calm a coach down.

About the only one I use is, "Coach, that's not what happened."

Here's one I used with an irate fan who started to talk to me between quarters: "You can stop right now while I tell you how this works. We don't listen to spectators directly. If you have a comment, go talk to your coach. Then, the coach will direct your comment to me. Then I ignore it. See - that's how it works. Thank you."

BTW - don't feel so bad. After all, you got a free lunch out of it.

i like to handle a coach by first ignoring him/her. Then i say coach your paid to coach im paid to make the calls. Would you like to switch. that usally gets a chuckle or two. and eases the tension

You could also use this Davism:

"Coach, let's switch places. You come out here and ref, and I'll go to the bench and act like a jackass." :D

I, like Chuck, shy away from saying anything to the coaches. Maybe after another decade of experience, I'll master that side of the game. Anyone of those answers above can be twisted by an irate coach into an exchange you would rather avoid.

Don't the rules specifically state that coaches use their captains if they have a question?

My favorite two:

"Coach, if you have a question, have your capatin bring it to me. If you must to talk to me, let me get the other coach."

"Coach, that's enough."

Without going into detail rainmaker, what "wrong" thing did you say? :confused:

If it were me i would would ignore him first then i would ask him if he think it is good for the kids to see what he is doing then i would ask him to calm down and ask if if he would like to ref. that is what i would do if it happend to me.

Re: The good, the bad, and the ugly
 

this is just my opinion of a coach reaction. if i were a coach this would be my perception of the situation.

mick,
these are pretty good. i think these are good for diffusing a coach who thinks calls arent going his way. props......

Always think the coach is there to coach his/her team
and to my sure the ref is calling it even both ways!If u
feel that he /she is trying to show bad sportsmanship talk to him /her in a adult way if that doesn't work tell your partner the problem and then handle it by the book and not the foot. Just be understanding (1) If they never seen u before it just a test to see if they move you (2) BIGGEST thing to remember no the rule and late the Game go on to see if you can weather the storm. ( He/She might not know the rules so they do what they seen other do. (But know the rule and then build u a good shield of ref. power)

The sound you just heard was Juulie's head exploding!:D

The sound you just heard was Juulie's head exploding!:D [/B][/QUOTE]

LOL, JR. I just ignored the post b/c halfway thru it, my head started to feel like it might explode. But you're right, of course. The offense is compounded by the fact that Juulie started this thread!! :eek:

Chuck

I do not say a lot to the coach either. I have been taught to always handle all communication with three criteria: in a calm manner, with professionalism and never debate. While there are many phrases that work, each one depends upon the game as each coach is different, the games vary from night to night and everybody, including the coach can have a bad day.

Thanks, folks for all the suggestions. I'm printing out the whole thread and processing it. The humor, the explaining, the listening, the acknowledgement, the agreement, the admission of posssible mistake -- I had already used in the first three quarters, and was pretty well mashed over. And what Crew said about some of the comments being inflammatory instead of helpful had been true, too. I was digging at the bottom of the barrel for tools -- and coming up empty-handed. The worst problem was that the coach had the fans all worked up. He didn't do it overtly, so I couldn't deal with it directly, but it became real obvious by half-time that he was playing to the crowd. And they were appreciating!! With 1.5 minutes left in the game, and the score tied, both coach and asst coach each with a T, and one player just having committed an intentional foul, which I suppose could have been called flagrant it was so rough, the fans were screaming at me about how I was about to lose the game for them, because of all my racial prejudices. I know we aren't supposed to listen to fans, but it got through. Especially since everyone on the bench was also screaming it.

So, at that point, what's left? I probably should have started tossing coaches, but my mentor said later that even that would not have been best. He (mentor) wanted me to walk away, and try to ignore the whole mess, and get the game over with. Have a sentence or two to say if I got stuck in front of the bench. Well, I'm still working on that last part. I've observed a few games where things were getting pretty heated and the ref went and talked to the coach and the game got done, but I don't know what was said. I think that's what Tom wants from me. Believe me, I'll be asking more questions at those games from now on!!!

Aren't the stripes black AND white?

i work in SE michigan, and as far west as the indiana border, working about in a 70 mile radius in the NW ohio region as well.
ive worked a few games with MR deNucci, but im not sure if he is an interpreter or not. I know he isnt for the TOledo association, consisting of approximately 225 officialsbut he might be for the Wood county Bowling green association, which consists of abuot 30 officials.i am members of both associations which has helped me to advance my career at my youthful age.

Josh,
Good idea to work with both groups. Keep up the good work.

Yes, Mr Mark T. DeNucci does work for:
Rules Interpreter &
Instructional Chairman
Wood Co. Bkb. Off. Assn.
Bowling Green, Ohio

mick
a Yooper

mick, theres no doubt in my mind that mark konws the rules. many officials wish they had mark's knowledge. and i hope someday, i do too...

Wow. Sounds like a tough game. Being prepared with a list
of things to calm things down with is good to have. But I
think you were in way deeper than that and I'm going to disagree with your mentor in this regard - your one liner to the coach to get the game under control & done should
have come way earlier. My advice? When you saw the
coach was playing the crowd you might have had a quick word
with him. Non-threatening, quietly, just you and he during
a dead ball. "Coach, your behavior is undermining my
authority and I can't have it." No one else should hear
this, because you have laid down the law to him and let him
know who's in charge. Either he'll get it and stop or he
won't and then you have got to take him immediately.
This guy wanted to make it personal between you and he,
you needed to cut him off at the knees right away. IMO.

"Coach, if that's the way it happened, then I missed it. But I just didn't see that."

I actually said this to a Coach a couple of weeks ago.
Ball gets kicked around during a rebound, goes off
Home team, but enough contact that I could have called a foul, (Mr.D, and all other non-Dark Side officals cover your ears);) so I gave it to home team, in order to save visting team a foul.
Visiting team is yelling at me that I missed it.
So I wentup to him and I said, "Coach, it went off your girl" He says "No it didn't, it went of their team"
(Insert above excuse here)
To which he replied, "Ok, I've missed a few tonight myself.
Just don't miss another one." We both had a good laugh about it and parted ways.
Classy Coach, and one time that saying I missed a call worked out.:D

When you saw the
coach was playing the crowd you might have had a quick word
with him. Non-threatening, quietly, just you and he during
a dead ball. "Coach, your behavior is undermining my
authority and I can't have it." No one else should hear
this, because you have laid down the law to him and let him
know who's in charge. Either he'll get it and stop or he
won't and then you have got to take him immediately.
This guy wanted to make it personal between you and he,
you needed to cut him off at the knees right away. IMO. [/B][/QUOTE]

I agree. There are games where there is no good in talking, you just have to take care of business from the get go. Where was your partner during this? We are a team and should support each other. Hopefully the other official did.

Juulie:

Obviously a tough spot to be in. The key is to differentiate between coaches you can talk to and coaches you can't. This guy appears from the thread to be one you couldn't talk to. At that point a simple "Coach I've had enough" might have sufficed. If not, the rules give you a powerful weapon that needs to be used at times. Another that I've used is "Coach, that's strike two and you know what happens on third". I also heard this approach "Coach, I'd really like you to see the end of this ballgame but it's really up to you whether you do or not". If the coach doesn't get the point after that, there is one signal that he/she will clearly understand "T". If not he/she might get to see it twice just so you're clear he/she understood it.

Juulie, I like what Chuck said, "Coach, if it happened that way then I missed it." I use this line often. If a player comes up to me and says, "Eli, he hit me on the arm." "Chris, I saw him block the shot." "No, he hit me on the arm." "OK, Chris, if he hit you on the arm, I missed it." Try to not say "think" or "know". "Chris, I thought he blocked the shot." This sounds too unsure. "Chris, I know he blocked the shot." This sounds too cockcy and you might actually be wrong. I have told players or coaches the "I know" or "I am sure" comment only to see it on the tape and find out I am wrong. You can never go wrong with "I saw". You might of saw it wrong or missed it but your only human and your eyes can't catch everything. If Chris persists, I can say "Chris, I could of very well missed it. That is what I saw though. I am not going to get every call right."

I have even had the experience of a player arguing about a foul call, "How can you call that, I didn't touch him!"
And when I said something like "You hit him on the arm"
the player says "I didn't touch him" and I replied,
" Ok, I might have missed it then." the player actually said,
"Alright, good call." Huh?:confused:
Hey, whatever works.;)

Rainmaker,

Was there one incident in the game where the coach got upset or was he/she a jerk from the beginning?

Someone on this forum once told me to ignore the coach until it started interferring with my ability to call the game, then T him/her up.

If the coach keeps howling, perhaps what you need to say is "Goodbye."