Best one I've ever heard was about 2 years ago. Partner & I were waiting patiently during the one-minute break between the 3rd and 4th quarter when a guy in the stands behind us yells "hey ref, are you pregnant? You've missed the last 3 periods." Both of us just looked at each other and started laughing.

Oh, where does one start?

A. Varisty boys game, I feel like the coach is working me hard because he keeps begging for a 5 second count almost immediately after the opposing time crosses the tiemline....it is only later when he yells for it early that I relaize he thinks the closely guarded count is in effect in the backcourt

B. Coach: watch the fouls, it is 10 to 4
Me: Coach, your team is shooting so well, they don't have time to foul

C. Distraught mother after game, displaying her tearful daughter as I walked out "Look what you did to my daughter"

Me: I am so sorry, however, while I may be a better official tomorrow you will still be fat (it was a long game)

3rd or 4th Q ... can't remember which.
Coach B ... "Foul? How can that be his 5th foul? It's the first time you've blown your whistle all game!"


Have to think about the translation, but here's the Davism:

"Ya' coach - and here's the second." WHACK!!!

"Would you like to hear the third?"

Heard this one from a fellow official the other night. After a particularly tough first half, one of the spectators starts to ride official A during the third quarter about not being in the game. Official A simply turned to the fan and replied, "What are you complaining about, I've been worse". The fan sat down, speechless.

Lol...I got a T in rec ball as a player saying that. Funny thing was the guy who gave it to me I found out later was a D1 college ref picking up some games in the summer. I think his name was Buddy Mayborg if any of you know him

After a foul call, Buddy was running by our bench. I said..."finally blew your whistle for the first time today eh?". He stopped, Racked me with a T and "yep...and here's the 2nd." Funny thing was he was cool as the other side of the pillow and whacked me w/o hesitation. I was pissed then but I look back on it now and laugh. Well that and look forward to using that line someday on some vocabulary challenged howler monkey.

Larks - VIT

Actually - as I have posted previously, the immortal Dave himself said this to me as he was watching me in the 4th quarter of a game while waiting for his game to start.

I agree that this may be the funniest ever.

Girls tornament game last night:

I call a travel.
coach: Oh your not gonna call that!

I call a foul.
coach: Oh she didn't hit her that hard!

I have another travel
coach: c'mon, it wasn't that bad.

me: coach, please list which rules you would like me to ignore so I can do a better job in the 2nd half.