Here's a few to get started. How about......
Call 'em on both ends!

Somebody is going to get hurt if you don't get control!

Let 'em play!

You are the worst official I have ever seen!

That is the worst call I have ever seen!

You're getting paid for this?

3 seconds!

On the back!

Moving screen!

How can fouls be 5 to 0?

Get 'em off!

It's not a stupid one, but I personally like:

"Go back to Foot Locker!"

Chuck

Actually, using the words "stupid", "comment", "fan" and "coach" in the same sentence is redundant.

Hey Chuck, i have never heard that one.

I loved it when coaches would holler "THREE SECONDS" when the ball was still in the back court. And when the ball was being tapped under the basket with no one in control.

Same coach, depending on which end of the court the ball is in, "Get them off his back", or "Let them play".

Bob

My all time favorite is...

"Bend over and use your good eye!"

"If you had one more eye you'd be a cyclops!"

more
 

get in the game

get em off

all over him ( her)

it was all ball

get control

what'd I say???

My all-time favorite stupid-coach remark was when a coach said to me, "Oh, I never read the rule book..." He said it in front of the opposing coach, and me and my partner. When he started yelling the "over the back" and "three seconds" stuff, I took the first opportunity to say, "The next time you think about questioning a call, remember who has read the rules and who hasn't." Didn't hear another peep the rest of the game. What an idiot!

Good Stuff!!
 

I'll have to remember the "...Foot Locker", "...one good eye", and "...cyclops" lines. Never know when I might need one.
Hey anyone seen my bananas?
Coach EG

Speaking from the dark side, had this ref's comment once, may even count as a Davism. I had a weak defender at the four spot, B1. A1 gets ball and backs up to him, no contact yet. A1 picks up his free elbow, spins, and whack's B1 square in the nose. I shout "Hey, he picked up his elbow!" Ref. "Hey, he put his face there!"
:)

Watching some buddies work a play-off game last night..."visiting" team (neutral court) was wearing purple...before toss, R does the point and say "White this way, Blue this way" routine...visiting coach - from out of our area - yells "We're wearing purple - are you blind?" I honestly thought he was going to get whacked before the game even started...probably the stupidest thing I heard all year...at least until 3 min to go in first quarter when the same coach yelled "Yep, I guess you are blind" when R calls white ball on oob play...yep - he got whacked...

What does the freakin' coach want? Light chiffon going this way, royal purple that way!

"Were Getting Homered and were at home for crissakes!"

Mark:

Thanks for the English lesson. I'll try to improve my redundancy.

John

Hey ref, are you watching the same game I am?

Hey ref, how many fingers am I holding up?

Here's a real life Davism from a rec game about 4 years ago:

Howler monkey after game: Refs like you is the reason kids get hurt.

Dave: No, you're wrong

Howler monkey: It's an opinion. How can it be "wrong"?

Dave: It's "refs like you are the reason kids get hurt." If you're going to be an idiot, at least use proper grammar.

I don't know coach, do you have a TV there?

Fan comment...
 

It seems that I hear at least one or more comments from fans or coaches that make me smile and shake my head at their "officious" ignorance.

Tonight's gem:
After I made an OOB call that a nearby fan disagreed about....

(It was early in the 2nd quarter. Time out had been granted and we were about to resume play near the boisterous fan.)

Fan: "Hey ref, how long you been reffing?"

Me: "Let's see, we have one eight minute quarter done and 6:23 left in this quarter, So that means 9 minutes and 37 seconds, but I slept at a Holiday Inn last night.(grin)"

Fan: (Puzzled look) "What's that got anything to do with this game?"

Me: "My same sentiments about your first question."

Chuckles from those that caught my sarcasm laced dialogue. Ball given to inbounder and off we go....

Re: Fan comment...
 

Priceless, Willie!! Really masterful!!

Kristy -- see what I mean about "Don't try this at home?"
I guess that's not fair, maybe you could pull it off -- I know I couldn't!

That's great willie! Just out of curiosity, what did Jeff (AD) say to this?

3rd or 4th Q ... can't remember which.
Coach B ... "Foul? How can that be his 5th foul? It's the first time you've blown your whistle all game!"

I like it, now that is a true plea from the heart! Mark, how does that translate in the howler monkey to english dictionary?

Doug
 

Wrong game, it was the Frosh game I had.

Eight years ago in Ohio near Dayton, I had a slow whistle on a travel call. The date was December 28.

Coach: "Good call, but make it in the year it happened!"

I love it, got it today. Hey ref, can I buy a foul? his team was getting crushed and thought this would help. He ended up getting a t, but i like the comment

This, after calling a blocking foul under the basket. "You gotta watch the block! You gottaa watch the block!" and the guy is a licensed official.

There's gotta be a joke in here about Vanna and buying a vowel, but I can't quite come up with it. :confused:

Chuck

How about....
 

(Pat Sajak-like) "Coach, you just spun the wheel and the only letter choice left is a "T." :D

thankful for the coaches, I am not that quick of thinker!

Best one I've ever heard was about 2 years ago. Partner & I were waiting patiently during the one-minute break between the 3rd and 4th quarter when a guy in the stands behind us yells "hey ref, are you pregnant? You've missed the last 3 periods." Both of us just looked at each other and started laughing.

Oh, where does one start?

A. Varisty boys game, I feel like the coach is working me hard because he keeps begging for a 5 second count almost immediately after the opposing time crosses the tiemline....it is only later when he yells for it early that I relaize he thinks the closely guarded count is in effect in the backcourt

B. Coach: watch the fouls, it is 10 to 4
Me: Coach, your team is shooting so well, they don't have time to foul

C. Distraught mother after game, displaying her tearful daughter as I walked out "Look what you did to my daughter"

Me: I am so sorry, however, while I may be a better official tomorrow you will still be fat (it was a long game)

3rd or 4th Q ... can't remember which.
Coach B ... "Foul? How can that be his 5th foul? It's the first time you've blown your whistle all game!"


Have to think about the translation, but here's the Davism:

"Ya' coach - and here's the second." WHACK!!!

"Would you like to hear the third?"

Heard this one from a fellow official the other night. After a particularly tough first half, one of the spectators starts to ride official A during the third quarter about not being in the game. Official A simply turned to the fan and replied, "What are you complaining about, I've been worse". The fan sat down, speechless.

Lol...I got a T in rec ball as a player saying that. Funny thing was the guy who gave it to me I found out later was a D1 college ref picking up some games in the summer. I think his name was Buddy Mayborg if any of you know him

After a foul call, Buddy was running by our bench. I said..."finally blew your whistle for the first time today eh?". He stopped, Racked me with a T and "yep...and here's the 2nd." Funny thing was he was cool as the other side of the pillow and whacked me w/o hesitation. I was pissed then but I look back on it now and laugh. Well that and look forward to using that line someday on some vocabulary challenged howler monkey.

Larks - VIT

Actually - as I have posted previously, the immortal Dave himself said this to me as he was watching me in the 4th quarter of a game while waiting for his game to start.

I agree that this may be the funniest ever.

Girls tornament game last night:

I call a travel.
coach: Oh your not gonna call that!

I call a foul.
coach: Oh she didn't hit her that hard!

I have another travel
coach: c'mon, it wasn't that bad.

me: coach, please list which rules you would like me to ignore so I can do a better job in the 2nd half.