Hopefully it's not what you meant, but the way you said this makes it sound like this is some kind of tit-for-tat or one-up competition. Or worse, it kind of sounds like retaliation.

Yes, at each new level coaches will test you. They'll push you to see what they can get away with. I think the mark of maturity as a referee is that you quickly, confidently, and dispassionately show the coach where that line is. Yes, that may require giving him a technical foul. If it does, it should be delivered in as businesslike a manner as possible. It's not a matter of "getting him." It's a matter of addressing the unacceptable behavior.

My game tonight is kind of a case study in what I'm talking about. BJV rivalry game. H team coach has a reputation for being a ... rather unpleasant coach to work for, shall we say.

First time I worked for him 2 years ago, he got right under my skin. It was not a good experience. I left wishing I had T'd him.

A year later, I work for him again and this time I give him the T he deserved. I felt better about that experience, and even a little like I "got him."

Earlier this year I work for him again. He's as yappy as ever. But I decide to make him my project and see if I can work with him. I've nothing to lose; if I can't make it work I still have the T in my pocket. So when he hollers across the floor about me about a call he doesn't like, I come to him the first opportunity I have and we talk about the call. And I end with, "Coach, you know I can't have you yelling at me across the floor like that." He half smiles and shakes his head like, "yeah, I know." All game long I answer his questions, tell him what I saw. Things go pretty well.

Tonight he and his assistant are in usual form. Early in the first quarter, I go to him after his assistant has gotten too vocal and tell him, "Coach, you need to get your bench under control or it's going to cost you." He tells his assistant to zip it. And we have very little trouble with him (the HC) the rest of the night.

I think the progression is interesting. The first time out, he gets me. The second time, I get him. The third time, I try something new and it works. The most recent game, I show him where the boundaries are up front and everybody is happy (or as happy as you can expect). Now you could say that some of that developed with time and familiarity. But honestly I have worked very few games for him over the years. Mostly I think it's a matter of my increasing level of maturity as an official. Things got much better when I moved beyond the "get him" stage.