Put me out of my misery...
 

This is a post from my blog...you can see the link in my sig, but I thought I'd post it here as well.

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It took 37 games to hit the brick wall. 37 games to have that one situation...that one realization...that maybe...just maybe...I shouldn't be here.

Do I really feel that way? After 4 or 5 hours of thinking, no. But at halftime of the 37th game, I felt that way. I was ready to walk out. I was SO angry.

I did two games tonight, girls C/JV. I'll post more about that in another post.

2nd quarter of JV game. I'm lead in front of B's bench. I blow my whistle and signal foul. As I'm walking towards the table, I hear the the players on B's bench chirping. They are saying things like "That wasn't a foul!" "Come on ref." And things like that. No big deal. I go to the coach and say, "Coach, please warn your players about arguing and questioning all calls from the bench," and continue on to report my foul. Coach takes a couple steps and in a very sarcastic tone says, "Well then you need to call right."

I issue a technical to the coach. I gave him a very legitimate warning to give to his players and responded with a sarcastic remark. I wasn't going to take that. Partner give the coach the seatbelt and I move away from it all.

About 10 seconds into the second half, I'm lead again. This time in front of A's bench. I blow my whistle again to signal a foul. I look up at the clock furthest away from me to make sure it's stopped. As I glance over I notice the B's coach up off the bench about 5 feet away from his chair onto the court. As I'm going to report, I tell coach, "You need to remain seated." He sticks his hand out, giving me the stop sign and continues talking to his players. I need to point out that he was NOT reacting a play and was out on the floor COACHING his players. I give him his second T and tell him he has been ejected.

After I report all the fouls I stand in front of the table waiting for the coach to leave. What I didn't mention is that 3 veteran officails (one of which is our regional assignor) are sitting in the stands behind B's bench waiting for their Varsity game. They were sitting about 5 rows up...which is pretty far behind the bench. I notice that as the coach leaves, our regional assignor gets up and follows him out. I was pissed from that point.

We finish the half without incident and head to the locker room. I go in and sit down and begin discussing what we need to work on with my partner in the second half when he walks in. He makes a beeline towards me and starts talking.

He wants to know what the coach said to warrant the first T. I told him and he says, "No. Thats no what he said." I asked him how he knew that and he said that he was sitting behind the bench an heard. I lost it. I replied, "Thats bulls$%^, there is no way you could have heard him from way up there." I told him about the tone the coach said it in and the inflection. He told me that I need to lend an ear when a coach needs to vent. I agreed, but not in this situation. I told him that I gave the coach a legitimate warning to his bench and he responded with sarcasm so I wouldn't "lend an ear" to that. The other "veteran" even told me that in his opinion I was "glorifying" myself with my whistle. This coming from a guy that told of a story of him T'ing a coach when the coach raised his hands in the air questioning a call. "Take control of the game," he said. Yeah right.

He then told me that the second Technical was also unwarranted because I let the Home coach on the court also. He was right. I don't have a problem with a coach walking onto the court a foot or two to talk to their players...as long as they are out of the way. I know of a few refs...including the man giving me the lecture, and I told him that. I also told him that before the Technical, I was letting the Visiting coach have the same leeway as the Home coach.

I then told him that I wanted to know what he told the coach. I was very upset and lost my cool. I told him that if he told the coach the same things he told me that he sold me out and I wouldn't stand for that. He told me he just went to the coach so that he could vent...nothing more. I don't really have a choice but to believe him...so I left it at that.

I was livid...I was angry...I wanted to walk out right there. I felt thrown under the bus. I didn't feel that I was being helped in this situation. I just felt as if I was being signaled out...in front of my partner and the other referees for my actions. It made me wonder if I really wanted to continue doing what I love to do.

But I'm better than that. I know I lost it and after my game I apologized for losing it like that but still re-iterated that I felt I was justified in EVERY ASPECT of the situation.

Now it's time to write up the game report.
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AP,
9 techs in 37 games is not good. When I first started out I had similar numbers. Perhaps it's nerves, or the hyper-alertness felt when doing something new. It goes away. Relax.
The more you work, the more opportunities you'll have to deal with coaches and players. You will develop the skills needed to talk and diffuse situations.
Your vet refs were talking at you in a poor attempt to give you advice. But it was advice for your benefit. Yes, I was told I brought attention to myself on the floor.
Your techs tonight seem justified as you describe them, although I probably would have tried to talk the coach back to his bench first.

The assignor-coach conversation went like this: "He's young, he's new, he'll learn. Don't worry, I'll talk to him." And then the coach fibbed. Happens.

Seek out some other vets for game management pointers. The first tip: Don't react immediately; take a breath.

37 games is nothing to base a career on. You don't even know what you're doing yet.:)

I agree with that completely. I should note that a lot of those T's are delay of game tech's and administrative technicals. Coaches forgetting to enter names in books, etc. I tend to get a lot of lower level games both in playing ability and coaching. I know it's because I'm new. I have no problem with that.

I did try and talk the coach back to his bench...his reply was the "stop sign" with his hand. I do agree with you however, that they were trying to help. The tact was horrible...but the intent was there. I realize that now that I've had time to think about it.

37 games is nothing to base a career on...but it is something to come to a realization...and that realization is what you just told me in your post. It's almost as if I'm starting over :)

It's one thing to read the rules and know them well, but it's another to go out there and use them. That comes with time...thats the realization I'm getting.

Numbers of T's vs games worked doesn't matter.

Your vets probably don't remember what it's like at the lower levels, varsity coaches don't behave on a whole the way the lower level coaches do...you aren't that experienced and neither are they.

You unlike the coach is required to deal with unsporting behavior.

If the T's you are giving are all reacting to behavior than don't sweat it...now if you are initiating communications, giving ultimatums, that sort of things that can be an issue.

My guess is with vets mentoring as you described, you may be dealing with the back lash of nobody else taking care of business and coaches running amuck.

There have been very few T's I've given out where I questioned myself for giving them. The times I've lost sleep over not giving one is far more common.

My rule of thumb is this:

Did it make the game better?

I tossed a youth coach last Saturday. His team went on an 8-2 run right after and ended up winning a 1 point game, with no problems the rest of the way.

I can understand this situation from both sides. There's a really good litmus test to use when evaluating your response's appropriateness objectively which is:

- Did the response fit the game/situation?
- Did the response help the game?
- Can your assignor/supervisor defend the response?

I think that this is a really good learning experience for you that I wish I had so early in my career. Games do not happen in a vaccum, and the schools are essentially "clients" of the assignor. More often than not, any game where Ts are thrown, the assignor will get a phone call from the coach where essentially your punitive action will be "put on trial." In this case, with the assignor there, it all happened at the gym and you saw the process. Clearly your responses failed the litmus test, so the best you can do is learn from the situation.

Did the assignor or the other varsity refs act appropriately? Not necessarily. I don't really think ripping a young ref at halftime about Ts is necessarily the best response, nor did it put you in a situation to learn from what happened. That part of it seemed rather self-serving to me, especially the other V ref throwing in his two cents about you "glorifying" yourself. I bet you had trouble moving on to the 2nd half of that game confidently.

My suggestion is to let the smoke clear a little bit and in the next couple of days, put in a phone call to the assignor, in a less emotional state, and ask him what he saw, and what he would've done in your shoes. If a tape is available, ask to maybe buy him a beer and watch the game tape with him so that you can learn from the game, and bottom line, listen to what he has to say, no arguing or defending. At the very least, try to get a copy of the tape yourself so that you can determine what led to this and what you can do better next time. It is from these type of events that we find out the most about ourselves and we can gain the most amount of improvement. Between now and then, think about what you could have done to handle the 1st T better, keeping in mind the litmus test and the idea that we shouldn't seek closure or the last word.

So what is an acceptable number of technical fouls for 37 games? You act as if these arbitrary numbers matter for something. Situations occur which need to be handled.

Exactly.

A few years ago, I had gone an entire season without one, my partner only had called one, and in a course of 3 games I had 1 each on a player and coach, 1 on a player, and the last game 3 players and a coach.

So which is it?

I'm a great game manager with zero in 30 games or I completely became a tech happy bully with 7 in 3 games?

FYI, that means I called 7 in 33 games, so I guess I have a problem too.:rolleyes:

Here are my thoughts:
Your assignor has no backbone. Your local V official is an weak-willed sissy that's why he gets varsity games from that assignor. Team B's coach is a jack@ss.

If I had been sitting in the fifth row behind the bench and observed you, I would have stood up and applauded as the coach walked out.

Keep taking care of business and don't worry about the opinions of those who don't.

Amen to that. I've had those days and I'm glad they're over for now.

What the OP did was absolutely warranted. Lower level coaches are used to getting officials that can't or won't take care of business. Instead of listening to the OP and directing his players to knock it off, the coach baited you into calling technical number 1. By giving you the Heisman, he told the OP he was irrelevant and that he was going to do whatever he liked.

I would've gotten dressed and left and not said anything to the assignor. Back then. Today I would've told him exactly what I thought of him and then backed up the bus and ran it over him again. And then, if the state is involved in picking the assignor, I'd probably send a report to them, as well. I've done this once before (in another state) when I ejected our baseball assignor coaching a basketball game and he threatened my schedule. In a year, he was gone from both jobs.

Same logic I've sent out to others in the no "T" or "ejection" crowd.

Last season, I had 2 baseball ejections all season. The year before I had 9. So I guess I was bad one season and better the next.

GMAFB. I can't control whether I have an idiot standing on the sideline or in the dugout - I can only control if he gets to stick around.

Amen also.

There was no reason for the assignor to get involved in the first place unless he received a complaint. And if he did get a complaint, the facts of the situation deem that the official should have been backed to the hilt. The coach got a righteous "T". He was rightfully seatbelted. And now he think that he can still wander around all over the damn floor? No f'ing way!

Your assignor and Mr. Veteran Official really, really need to grow a new crop. You'll be around when both of them are gone, NM_Ref.

NM_Ref:

I want to second my Amen to what Nevada and JR said in their posts. I would say that you handled both situations with HC-B correctly. HC-B decided to take all the rope that he needed to hang himself.

MTD, Sr.

Your assignor demonstrated absolutely terrible leadership and management by doing what he did. I know I'm also a new official, but...

The coach's retort when you attempted to warn his bench seems to me that it warranted the T, especially since you weren't even warning the coach directly. It didn't come out of a confrontation between the two of you. The stop-sign is completely out of line, again IMO.

I feel for you, man. It's only my 3rd year, but this is my worst nightmare. Assignors like the guy you mentioned have too much power, in my opinion. If this affects your schedule, it's a real shame.

For the coach to hold out the stop sign after you told him to sit down is something that just can't be tolerated. He's dismissing you and you have to T him at that point.

Good luck to you.

It's not a matter of having the power. It's a matter of misusing the power.

I feel for you guys
 

I am in my third year, ref a butt load of games a year, and have yet had to issue a T. And, our assignors are very laid back and exceptionally supportive of the refs (one still refs, the other is retired, some of you may know her: Barb Beckett). Anyway, my heart goes out to you guys. I look forward to all the games I ref, I enjoy almost all the coaches, and more than that, the players. Being a ref is great. I hope you all find yourself a similar sitch.

Everybody has their trigger point for T's. I would never criticize another official for giving a T. I might for not giving a T. That said... maybe you work for a supervisor that would prefer not to have to deal with T's. At the most he should have spoken to you in private, not in front of fellow officials. To chase after the coach in public is the kind of weak @ss kissing behavior you probably don't need from an assignor. Find another league to work if you can.

Some believe that 'better' officials throw fewer T's and if you limit the number of T's you give you'll be a better official. To me, this is like saying better officials call fewer travels and if you want to be a better official just call fewer walks. Silly argument IMO.

When the Coach is standing after I issue the Tee I would ask my partner to remind him he needs to sit. Perhaps the second tee and ejection MAY have been avoided if you handled it this way. Generaaly speaking you should avoid if possible issuing the second tee. However if warranted by all means tee and eject.

Concerning your assignor rather than getting in a p**sing contest ask him how he would have handled it. You don't have to agree with him but perhaps you might pick up something you can use.

Good Luck

If you re-read his post, Gordon, he stated "Partner gave the coach the seatbelt...."

I still have yet to call a T in 35+ games now.

Than you gotta do what you gotta do.

I'm not going to comment on the T situations, I wasn't there, I didn't see. What I am going to comment on is your discussion with the assignor. You have to realize, for better or worse, this is a person higher up the food chain than you. As with going to camps, you don't want to get the reputation of someone that doesn't listen to get better. I don't agree with how your assignor handled the situation, but you don't want to go burning bridges in your first year. I'd reccomend finding a time to sit down and replay the situation with your assignor and listen to their take on how it could have been handled. If you do this, don't be the "yes, but" guy.

Yeah? And...? So...? What are you trying to say? You've been lucky? Your game management skills are absolutely top-notch? You're a coach? You have rhino-thick skin? Or are you just stirring the pot?

lol...want to hear something funny? My assignor...the one that gave me the lecture ended up throwing out the home coach. And talking to people at the game, they did it cause he "talked to much." I can't get enough of it...funny stuff...

It is true some people just aren't built for officiating. But 37 games is IMO too soon to hang 'em up. I had the advantage of working 100+ games in each of my 1st four seasons. And man did I suck in the beginning! Hell, I sucked in December too, but I got out there again and fixed my mistakes.

From your blog I see you want to improve - even at that you're ahead of many guys out there. Patience (with yourself, and your assignors.)

Probably any and all of the above...

Just havn't had the opportunity yet.. thats all.. nothing more.. nothing less.

This might be funny, but I still don't think the position that you're taking will be productive for you in your career. You're setting yourself up to be one of those "politics" guys by not re-evaluating the situation and essentially calling the assignor a hypocrite. What happened in his game has absolutely no bearing on your game.

In regards to the other posters, I agree that the assignor and the other V ref did not handle the situation appropriately in regard to the OP. I would stop short of saying that the OP was thrown under the bus. Taken at face value, the assignor saw the entire incident, saw the non verbal communication that took place that we can't see and evidently made a judgement that the coach should not have been thrown. That's a judgement that the OP should learn from or try to learn from and self-evaluate to determine whether he could have done something differently. Continually defending a position without being open to criticism leaves no room for growth.

That being said, I don't believe that this situation should have any bearing on your future assignments, particularly if taken as a learning experience. Pulling games would amount to you being, in a way, thrown under a bus. The assignor needs to realize that it's a learning process in terms of dealing with these situations and should actively engage himself in helping you. Doing nothing but criticize and pull assignments would be throwing your career under the bus.

However many are warranted. No more, no less.

In my first 37 games, I probably had about 40 technicals. I was a freshman working intramurals, and I wasn't taking cr*p from anyone - be they drunken fraternity brothers or grad students.

Had these 9 Ts come in varsity games, I might wonder about the OP. For middle school, frosh/JV type games, he seems right on the mark.

Also, I think it's better to have a rookie who calls too many Ts than one who never penalizes unsporting behavior at all.

Please don't turn into one of these guys who counts the days/games/years between technicals and uses that as a measure of officiating quality.

Hopefully it's not what you meant, but the way you said this makes it sound like this is some kind of tit-for-tat or one-up competition. Or worse, it kind of sounds like retaliation.

Yes, at each new level coaches will test you. They'll push you to see what they can get away with. I think the mark of maturity as a referee is that you quickly, confidently, and dispassionately show the coach where that line is. Yes, that may require giving him a technical foul. If it does, it should be delivered in as businesslike a manner as possible. It's not a matter of "getting him." It's a matter of addressing the unacceptable behavior.

My game tonight is kind of a case study in what I'm talking about. BJV rivalry game. H team coach has a reputation for being a ... rather unpleasant coach to work for, shall we say.

First time I worked for him 2 years ago, he got right under my skin. It was not a good experience. I left wishing I had T'd him.

A year later, I work for him again and this time I give him the T he deserved. I felt better about that experience, and even a little like I "got him."

Earlier this year I work for him again. He's as yappy as ever. But I decide to make him my project and see if I can work with him. I've nothing to lose; if I can't make it work I still have the T in my pocket. So when he hollers across the floor about me about a call he doesn't like, I come to him the first opportunity I have and we talk about the call. And I end with, "Coach, you know I can't have you yelling at me across the floor like that." He half smiles and shakes his head like, "yeah, I know." All game long I answer his questions, tell him what I saw. Things go pretty well.

Tonight he and his assistant are in usual form. Early in the first quarter, I go to him after his assistant has gotten too vocal and tell him, "Coach, you need to get your bench under control or it's going to cost you." He tells his assistant to zip it. And we have very little trouble with him (the HC) the rest of the night.

I think the progression is interesting. The first time out, he gets me. The second time, I get him. The third time, I try something new and it works. The most recent game, I show him where the boundaries are up front and everybody is happy (or as happy as you can expect). Now you could say that some of that developed with time and familiarity. But honestly I have worked very few games for him over the years. Mostly I think it's a matter of my increasing level of maturity as an official. Things got much better when I moved beyond the "get him" stage.