Conflict of Interest...
 

Looking for some guidance.

My daughter has been playing summer high school bball in the same league I've been officiating. I have officiated a couple of her games only after checking with both coaches and getting their okay. I felt like its summer so there shouldn't be too much of a conflict of interest. Of course that's absurd to say since it is a conflict of interest regardless if both head coaches know about it or not...still I went ahead and officiated the games (Funny story about that in a second).

I am officiating a NCAA sanctioned tournament soon and there might be an outside chance that I could end up being assigned to one of my Daughter's games. Though it's not an official high school season game and my assigner already said it's okay I don't feel it's a smart or the right thing to do. I've informed the assigner that he's got to allow me to switch gyms or just scratch me all together...he hasn't responded yet.

How do you guys and gals see it...am I making too big a deal out of it? Have any of you officiated your child's off-season games or games like this?

Back to my daughter's summer league game I officiated. She had committed her 4th foul and I called it (already calling 1 on her). She turned around and said, "Come on Dad! Give me a break!"...I about swallowed my whistle. The head coaches must not have told their players about our little agreement. Every player's jaw dropped...a player on the other team asked her "Did you just call that official Dad?". They all broke-up laughing. If I wasn't laughing myself I would have given her the big T. Unprofessional yes...but priceless.

Tell the assignor you won't work your daughter's games period.

NCAA sanctioned events are a big deal for the players. If you're smart you'll get to watch her impress the coaches from the sidelines.

btw...did you know Michael Moore is almost as bad a liar as GW Bush? It's true, ask google!

Thanks...will do!

I agree with Dan.

It's not that there will be unfairness in the game if you work it; it's that there will be the specter of impropriety.

Plus you don't want to be involved if an odd situation happens to arise.

For example, would you have allowed a random player to turn to you after a foul call and tell you "give me a break?" Not a situation that you want to put yourself in.

Actually we don't agree.

It's not about his being able to call a fair game.

It's about his being able to enjoy his daughter impressing the coaches.

Don't work you daughter's game. I've had to work some of my son's HS soccer games when there was a last minute injury or no other official available. Trust me, YOU CANNOT WIN AND NEITHER CAN YOUR DAUGHTER OR HER TEAM!

I don't think it's about him being able to call a fair game either. I think it is about him not putting himself in an awkward situation and being subject to what other people might think.

I have no doubt that he could call a fair game.

And this is the statement with which I agree:

I guess it doesn't really matter why we both believe that he should do this.

I learned a very valuable lesson 2 years ago. My daughter who was then 13 years old was playing in a club tourney (AAU for comparison) and I was scheduled to officiate on the court she ended up playing one of the playoff games. I did not know what teams would be playing only that it was a playoff game and depending on how the round robin ended teams would be determined. Anyway, when I seen it was my daughter I cleared the issue with the coaches and away we went. It was a very entertaining game which came down to a 2 point attempt to tie the game and I call a foul, on my daughter. This put the opponents on the line to tie the game (it is important to note that they could have won had they made the initial shot). Free throws are attempted and the girl makes 1 of 2 and the game ends.

As I am signing the score sheet, my daughter walks over and says do you have more games or should I wait in the car, loud enough for some parents to hear. All of a sudden some guy is screaming from the stands that I was biased and called an unfair game which screwed his kid of a win. Yelling he is going to appeal the game and notify the tournament director. I ignored him until he started to threaten me personally. I am 6'04" and 225 lbs, I stood up and told him he had every right to talk to the administration but if he continued to threaten me then we would have to see how far he would go to back that up. (Second mistake)

I get a call from assigner later asking what happened so I told him. I kept a copy of the game sheet so I could look at the foul count and summary report. Final foul count in second half was 13 - 11 in favor of the loosing team. Attempted FT's in the game was 31, made FT was 6 pts from FT's. Where was this game really lost! Anyway after all of the BS that went on I had to apologize to this team and parents, I was suspended for 1 week and rest of the season tournaments ( 1 more ). It really wasn't a big loss.

All would have been ok if everyone had of just dropped it and moved on. The next year I am in a gym doing a game and what do I hear from the crowd, "This is the guy who screwed us last year, check and see if his girl is playing." Next stoppage in play I went to gym supervisor and asked to have the parent removed who said the remark. They would not do it so I left the gym myself. I got no grief from the assignor.

Moral of the story, never even if you know there is a chance, officiate one of your childrens games. I don't care what sport perception is some peoples reality.

That last one was an interesting story.

I did share my story with another friend and he stated I was lucky everyone laughed. He asked, what would I have done had the girl on the other team or even fans had heard what my daughter said and started to make a big deal out of it...bottom line I was lucky it fell the other way.

I agree...spring, summer, fall, whatever...don't do your child's game/s.

Thanks for sharing...

Here's a story showing just the opposite. When my son played in our local rec league, he hated it when I would work his games, because he knew I wouldn't let anything go that he did. In fact, in two different years, his coaches both told me they thought other refs let some stuff of his go because they thought I might come down hard on them if they called it tight on him, since I was the ref coordinator!

All the other coaches knew that if there was a relative of a ref playing, they could request another ref, but none of them ever did of me, whether it was my son or my nephew playing, but they frequently did for other refs. I don't know if that was a compliment to my fairness, or if they were just afraid to ask me.

I guess my son mellowed because eventually he coached his cousin's team and he never asked to replace me if I was working the game. And no - I never ejected him or even gave him a T. As a coach, he was an angel. :) In fact, a local TV station did a story on him coaching, since he was only in eighth grade (it was a fourth grade team).

I always tell the assignor up front I will not ref any league games from my son's division. However, similar to others I have reffed my son's rec games ONLY when pressed into action due to other ref's not showing or only having a very junior ref for the game.

I always talk to the coaches, who all know me and say - your call, I can keep the books and clock as always and you can go with one ref or get another parent. Since I have reffed for many yrs and am one of the more senior officials "at rec level" they usually let me call the game. Never had any complaints - I'm probably fortunate.

Funny aside - last year, I T'd up my son for unsportsmanlike conduct in one of his games I reffed. He fell on a slippery floor and slammed the ball down. WHACK! He knows better. One of only 3 - T's I gave all yr. :o

Mom was none too happy with that one! :(

I don't have any children, but I'm a HS teacher, and I won't ref the school where I work. Assignor once either overlooked or ignored this and put me on a JV game for a whole truckload of girls I teach--this in my second year of officiating. I didn't know they were the team until I walked into the gym. Luckily, I had a very strong partner who told the coach that I was only an emergency replacement. He told the coach not to call me by name, told the team not to call me by name, and even told the boys' JV team sitting in the stands not to call me by name. Thank goodness he was there. I don't think anybody had any idea about anything, but I still had a terrible game. I considered how every call I made impacted my students instead of just calling the game.

I'm moving to a smaller city this summer, so staying away from my HS will be a little more difficult (fewer games to officiate in the area). Still, I'll insist on avoiding the situation. If anybody found out I taught at a school where I reffed, my reputation would be finished. I won't go there.

I think you are making too much of deal out of this. It's summer and the games really dont matter. Players are working to get ready for the season and we are working as well to get ready. If it happens enjoy the time out there with your daughter. How often does a father or mother get to officiate their son or daughters game? Think of it as special moment for you and your daughter. Both are the same court trying to impress people to get to hirer levels. If you feel really uncomfortable then say something. Just my opinion though.

It doesn't matter how we think of it. We know that we're calling as fairly as we can. The problem is how the other team's players, coaches and fans think of it.

Hopefully never. Think of it is a no-win situation for the parent(s) and the daughter. No good can come of it.

A number of years ago I was dating a girl who was (still is) a basketball official, and who later achieved some success. She was T with her back to the coach on the opposite end of the court. I'm L opposite side and it is very loud (close game, etc...) and this coach is on the court yelling at my girlfriend about a missed call. I mean, the expression on his face was crazy. I had no idea what he say saying, but I'm sure he wasn't hitting on her.

I blew my whistle, started running to the FRA, everyone looking to me. I stopped and T'd him up. Going through my mind was, "there's no way you can talk to my girlfriend like that." A humbling experience to say the least. Yes, the T was deserved even though my P was my gf.

AFWIW, she didn't miss the call. She had a great no-call. ;)

I don't think that I would do that again - ref with a gf.

Conflicts ???
 

Many,many years ago, my son played in Little League, B Division, on a team that I coached. In this league batters batted against a pitching machine. First and third base coaches were also expected to act as umpires. In one partciular game, my son tried to go from first to third on a single to the outfield. I was the third base coach/umpire. My son made a great slide into third, but the outfielder made an even better throw, and the third baseman made a great sweep tag, just barely getting my son out. I called my son out, tough call, but the right call. My son and my wife didn't speak to me for the rest of the weekend. Officiating a game in which a family member is participating is a lose, lose situation.

I am a retired middle school teacher, and retired middle school basketball coach, in the town in which I live, taught, and coached. I close out our local high school from my officiating schedule, even though I've been retired for almost four years.

Occassionally I will officiate a private school or Catholic school game, and I am surprised to see a former player warming up, or a former teammate of my daugter who played AAU basketball at another town's high school. These situations are unavoidable, I'm not going to close out all the private schools and Catholic schools, or high schools where my daughter's AAU teammates play, that use our local board's officials. Over the years I have officiated games in which some of my former players, or in one case, a former volunteer assistant coach of mine, a student teacher in our school, were coaches or assistant coaches in games that I officiated. If I were to close out all these games, It would really limit my availability. In these cases, I make sure that my communication with my former players is limited to professional topics. I have never been uncomfortable in these situations. If I ever felt uncomfortable officiating these games, or if I were ever questioned about a conflict of interest, by an opposing coach, athletic director, or an official on my board, I would close out the school in question immediately.

When you've been officiating for 26 years, like me, you develop professional relationships with long-time coaches and athletic directors. They almost become a kind of friend, certainly more than just an aquantience. In these situations, like those that I've mentioned above, I've never felt uncomfortable officiating these games. If, and when, I feel any discomfort officiating these games, I will know that it's time to close out those schools.

Yeah, but did you achieve any success with her? ;)

Her "success" was stopping her dating of Juggler.....

She was wise beyond her years.....:D

I wonder what it was like dating Violet Palmer. :p

Okay, just to finish the story now that the tourney is over.

I get switched to the main gym due to the conflict game (There are 2 gyms in this HS.). The assignor was there and it was no big deal for the other officials. So, cool, no problem, everything's great...Right? Not.

I finish my game (in regulation), cool down and figure it's okay to slip into the "Back gym" to see how my daughter's game is going. Close game, but they're up by 6 with 45 seconds, then 4, then 2 and bingo the game is tied and we have OT (meanwhile the next game has already started in the main gym).

As the teams huddle to prep for the OT the assignor comes running into the gym to tell one of the officials (the one I'm going to replace after my daughter's game is over) that he's got to get over to the other HS ASAP with him...like now. He knows the situation but looks over at me and says "You have got to finish this game...". I'm like no way.

He goes over to the coaches and administrator to tell them he has an emergency and must replace one official...explains my connection to one of the teams and everything. They all say fine and though I'm reluctant the coaches assure me they will take full responsibility for anything that happens and that they feel I'll do a great job...I happen to know both coaches.

Folks, I can't believe I'm even telling you this but I went ahead and officiated the over-time. My daughter's team lost by 2 and we didn't hear a peep from anyone. I guess we could have come up with another alternative but things were happening so fast it was like the next thing I knew I was standing on the court.

This wasn't the priceless moment I was hoping for...sorry I let down most of the people who responded to this post. Next time I'm asking for another location.

I think everyone's take on the subject has been very informative...and they seem to have all been covered, too.

There are definately more things that can go wrong and very little that can go right.

The poster that said after 26 years you build relationships with coaches and AD's brings up what I think is an excellent point that I was thinking about reading through the posts. Even though it isn't a son or daughter, these relationships are there and can put one in just as bad situation.

The big difference is that the fans won't necessarily recognize friendships like this but they may notice or hear about your kid playing in the game you are working.

When you work in the school system and officiate I think you build more relationships if you are a coach or AD with other schools. I coach a spring varsity sport and I have ran across other coaches who coach basketball as well. The players you coach against also recognize you and may say hi during warm ups. They are difficult to avoid.

Although no one suggest working a varsity game where their kid is playing, I don't have a problem with others doing it in the summer or lower levels. My kids aren't old enough where I have been put in that situation, so I will reserve the right to change my mind later. The times I've seen this in action (fortunately) there has not been a problem.

I think it boils down to the us as individuals. If you are okay with it, and the director/assigner/or whoever is okay with it, then go with it. If you don't want to put yourself in that situation, I'm going to support that decision as well.

I am a baseball umpire that is just reading this forum, but thought I could provide some insight.

A few years ago I was a senior in high school but also umpired high school ball (Frosh, JV, and Varsity. I told the assignor NEVER to give me my high school's games. Well, one day I show up at the field and what do I find? My HS frosh team is the visiting team (with one of my teachers as the coach). I called the assignor who told me to do the game. I had known the Home Coach since I was about 5 and went and asked him if he had a problem with me doing the game. He told me that he knew me and that he had no problem with me doing the game.

It was by far the worst umpiring experience of my life. Although there were no issues in the game, I knew that I was doing the wrong thing. After the game I called my assignor again and told him that next time I would not do it.

I don't think you let anybody down here. It's obviously less than an ideal situation, but it wasn't a situation that you created. It's more important that the game was played.

Now (unfortunately) you have some personal experience about what we've all been discussing, that's all. And as somebody else pointed out, it's not like it was a varsity game. Chalk it up to a learning experience, take the kid out for an ice cream, and move on. :)

That's funny you said that...that's exactly what we did after the last game...ice cream and laughed about it.

Thanks...next subject

i have done several of my daughter's basketball games. she has always hated it because i wound up watching her and not the defense. and, as a center, she would get beat on and I wouldn't call anything.

but, it always was a special time and now that she is retired, we share those special experiences.