Top 10 Davisms

[Mark Padgett]

OK - due to popular demand, here are the top 10 Davisms as I remember them. If you disagree with the order, I'll stare at your pants and puke on your shoes, but not necessarily in that order.

10) Dave: coach, does your car have a heater? Coach: why? Dave: because if I hear any more crap from you you'll be spending the rest of the night in the parking lot and it's cold outside. (this was to a female coach, BTW)

9) Dave to player after a flop and player showing surprise on not getting the call: Oscars are next month

8) Player after getting slightly bumped: that's a foul. Dave: girls play on Tuesdays.

7) Dave to player who said she couldn't take off her earrings: that's OK, leave 'em in but take off your ears. Don't worry, your coach will hold them for you.

6) Player with ball on floor scoots - Dave calls travel (correctly). Coach: why is that a travel? Dave: he moved his pivot cheek. Coach: oh.

5) Dave gives assistant coach a T. Head coach gets in his face and yells. Dave gives head coach a T. Dave starts singing very loudly: "Tea for two".

4) After a rough game, a fan comes up to both of us and says to Dave: it's refs like you who is responsible for kids getting hurt. Dave: you're wrong. Fan: what do you mean I'm wrong - it's an opinion. Dave: you mean, "it's refs like you who are responsible for kids getting hurt." If you're going to be an idiot, at least use proper grammar.

3) Coach: that's 3 seconds. Dave: that's not 3 seconds even in dog years.

2) Coach blabbers something at Dave. Dave: coach, I'd respond but I left my English-Jibberish dictionary at home.

and, from the home office in Tigard, Oregon, the number 1 Davism:

Dave is about to report a foul. Coach: call it both ways. Dave: OK coach, I will. Blue, 23, a hold. 23, blue, a hold. Is that what you meant coach? That's all the ways I know.

Dave also made two great remarks to me directly. The first came when we were scheduled to do a summer league game together. We could wear shorts and I did. When Dave saw me he said, "Are those your knees or are you smuggling walnuts?"

The second is a real classic. I was doing a game and Dave was standing on the sideline waiting for his shift to begin. It was late in the game and there was a timeout. Dave yelled at me, "Hey Padgett, are you pregnant?" I ignored him. He yelled again, "Hey Padgett, are you pregnant?" Finally, I replied, "OK Dave, I'll bite. No, I'm not pregnant. Why do you ask?" He then said, "Because you missed three periods."

If anyone remembers any others from old posts, please post them. Thanks.