Coach and Player Confrontation
 

Had a interesting situation occur where a problem broke out between coach and player in a 17U boys AAU game. The coach took the player out and was upset with him. While we where shooting F/T's, this confrontation escalated. They begin to scream at each other. Since it was the coach and player I ignored the incident thinking the coach was on top of the situation. My partner administrating the F/T's pointed to me and stated you need to do something about that.

I turn around and the player, now on the end of the bench had to be restrain. He was in tears and he started firing back at the coach. He stood up and said I'm sick of this! Now say something else! The coach turned and sat back down, realizing he probably pushed the kid too far. So the incident kind of settled itself down but at the time, I didn't know what to do? I assume it wasn't the coaches son because no man is going to allow his son to talk to him like that.

My question is, what would you have done? What if this situation escalated even further then it did, instead of the coach backing down, he went the other way? I'm looking for some advise here on how to correctly go about dealing with situations like this because I have never had it happen before in a setting like this. And before we go any further, I'm pro players. I'm always going to be on the players side unless he starts swearing.

What can you do? The only part of this incident in your jurisdiction is the language (if there is any profanity) and the coaching box. Other than that, there really isn't much in the rules that lets you get involved.

Walk over and quietly advise the coach that the discussion has become (or is becoming) a distraction to the game.

Perhaps, by taking a few determined steps backward, toward the bench, where you could have better heard and understood the discussion, your proximity may have disarmed the confrontation without a word from you.

Sometimes an eruption is too quick and too unexpected to give us a chance to be proactive, and all that is left is to put the pieces back together as best we can.

I know that you haven't ever read and don't even own a rules book, so here...
You have rules in place to cover bench decorum. Language is merely one aspect of that. Unsporting behavior is a very broad category which could be invoked in this situation against either the kid, the coach, or both. Also team members are not allowed to stand up while on the bench, except for a few specified reasons. Yelling at your coach isn't one of them.
So you have plenty of rules at your disposal to handle this. How these unusual situations are handled or not handled really shows the worth of a game official.

How much money you want to bet on that?

So, if I'm understanding you correctly, your advise is to throw gasoline on the fire. You see, this is one example where the rulebook could get you crucified as an official. You send an official in there to go insert himself into this incident and you risk making it worse. But that's jmo.

To be honest, I thought about T'ing the player but something in side of me said, no! This could potentially damage this player permanently in his unstable emotional state. I think enough damage had been done up to this point. I also feel that not everything that needs to be done in a game is defined in the rulebook.

Actually, I think Mick hit it on the head which at the time I didn't realize. Believe me this was luck on my part. But by walking over there and standing next to the bench, not saying a word, because I didn't know what to say, calmer heads prevail. I believe my presence dictated that. My concern was what if it didn't and that's why I asked the question.

Now, I'm not the type of guy that believes in punishing one person by itself. IOW's, I'm throwing both the player and the coach out if it comes to that. My question then would be, would the other team be awarded Technical foul shots if I just tossed both these individuals and not enforced a technical? Could this even be done or would I have to call a technical on one or both?

First off, it sounds like you handled the situation well. A little proximity can work wonders. I put your quote on this message because a player's emotional state has nothing to do with how you enforce the rules. Rather than worry about poor little Johnny being upset, maybe his problem is that the coach is finally giving him a kick in the pants that he needs and it didn't go over well. We aren't out there to build self-esteem, we are out there to officiate. If a player deserves a T, whack 'em, don't analyze them.

Nevada didn't specifically say to call this T. He said the rule is there if you think you need to use it. Personally, I agree with getting a bit closer so I can intervene if it escalates.
And not calling this T has nothing to do with any potential "permanent" damage to him. If he's that unstable, he shouldn't be playing organized sports.

All posters so far make very good points.

NevadaRef reminds us that rules are in place to back us up for any decisions we do make. This is important to have in the book: the ground foundation.

Example: I am in the process of writing a 4-page document that will be the rules for touch football that I play. Some rules will be included so that in case we want to invoke them, they are there. Since it's a rec league, it's often that gentlemen agreements will override the rule, but in case of a disagreement, the rule is the sole text.

Junker provided IMO, the best first step. Many times in my career, the fact that I'm near some bru-haha (sp?) has caused things to diffuse.

mick provided the second step: to verbalize the effect (not affect ;)) that the actions are having.

Snaqwells knows about unstable. He has worked with me a few times and he's a Hawkeye fan....Pierre Pierce anyone? How 'bout a little Ricky Davis? :D Oh yeah, I fully expect him to counter with a little Kenny Pratt.

You could have also started with Chris Kingsbury, but my first counter would have been Sam Mack. And if you insist on continuing, I'll just respond with three words, "Field Goal Kicker." You may choose any one you like in the last 7 or 8 years.
Oh, and Ricky Davis didn't develop into a head case until he got to the NBA. He didn't have time at Iowa under Davis, he was only there for a year.

Darn, I can't believe I forgot Kingsbury since he almost got me kicked out of a game at Hilton (after a beverage or 16 before the ISU Iowa game I might have spent an inordinate amount of time yelling "Hey Piss Boy" at him after an unfortunate public urination charge he earned earlier that season). :D A Hilton usher came over and asked me to calm down, which I did since we were in the second row behind the basket. If I were in the rafters I probably wouldn't have been as noticable. You have me on the field goal kicker although I'm not sure if they were head cases or just simply not any good.

When working with below college level players. You need to be concerned about a players emotional state, especially if it is something that is not related to what's going on on the court. The players are the #1 priority out there. Their well-being, health, safety takes precedence over everything else on the floor, imho. Sometimes, I think coaches temporary forget this.

You misspelled bouncer. :)

Wrong. It's not my job, I'm not qualified, nor am I getting paid enough to ascertain a player's emotional state.
I'm not advocating calling a T on this play necessarily. I am saying that I never consider the player's feelings, self-esteem, emotions, or spiritual status when I decide whether or not to issue a technical foul.

No one is asking you to do a psychological evaluation of the players either. Our game is a highly emotional game, and sometimes emotions gets the best of us. No one is amuned. It's also not a life and death situation either, it's a kid for heavons sake, our future. Seeing a kid with tears in his eyes and getting ready to attack his coach. I don't think that's the time to start throwing technicals. In fact, might not be a bad idea to get involve here, for everybody's sake.

LOL!!!!

I keep reading and I have now heard or read it all.

Peace

Go back and re-read what I wrote. I'm not advocating calling a technical here unless it escalates quite a bit higher. What I am saying is that when I decide whether to issue a technical foul, I'm not going to consider the kid's feelings other than to brace for how I think he might respond. If he earned a T, he's getting a T; and I'm not going to wimp out of that call for the sake of his precious little self-esteem. His self-esteem is his coach's responsibility, not mine.

Now, let me ask you a question about the part of your post I put in blue above. How are you going to get involved, "for everyone's sake?" Just how high is your horse, anyway?

Personally, I think it might be a good time to let the situation resolve itself just like you did.

Somehow, I doubt it. :)

I do not ride a horse nor carry a big stick. I would have step between the player and coach and tried to talk the player out of it. I would have at least given that a try and not access any technicals if successful, but warned the bench. I said this before, I am pro-players and against the coaches actions here. You should not push a kid that far. It's just a basketball game. I agree with the arguement of making the players tough, however, I disagree with driving them crazy to do so. I guess since you didn't see the look in his eyes, you couldn't understand that, rightfully so. But you should comprehend the fact that this is a 17 year old. Can you imagine what must be going thru your head at age 17 to go after an adult? And of that, how much of it is rage and how much is emotion? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see this is not a good situation for this kid and I made need to get involved from a parents prospective. You guys may disagree with that, but that's just how I feel inside.

I agree that the coach should not be acting like this, and I agree that it's not good for the kid, and I agree that this is a bad situation, and I'd never, never let my kid get into a spot like this.

However, it's simply not the ref's job to interfere here in any way. Absolutely not. It's not your place to take the "parent's perspective". You can't do it. Can't. Mustn't. Especially with a 17 yo.

While I agree that a kid shouldn't be treated that way, the kid is there voluntarily, and he had to know earlier than this situation what kind of coach this was. And the kid's parents should have known. You have no right or authority to interfere, except as the player or the coach break the rules.

THis has nothing to do with being a "rule-spouting robot" or whatever it was you called it. It has to do with legal authority. Stepping closer so that the coach knows he's being observed seems like a good move. But further involved you can't get, until rules are broken.

Then we shall disagree. You will also have to show me in the code where it says I can't intervene to help a player who I perceive may be in danger. I understand we must be careful in terms of liability and the law.

We are humans first and I believe it was Ronald Reagan who said that if an American is in danger or need, then it is our duty to help and not turn out backs. It sounds as though you would turn your back on someone in need, simply because you have a referee uniform on. Well, this is where we separate the good from the great. The great finds a way, the good finds excuses. I have said this before and I will say it again. It takes courage to stand up for what is right, it takes even greater courage to stand up for what is not.

I am very concerned for the sport of basketball in what I am seeing on the courts. Last year while working a National AAU Tournament, very young kids. There was a player on the court who was crying. I told the coach he has to come out because he is crying. The coach said he needs to toughen up and would not take him out. Now the burden (maybe self inflicted) switched back to me and I was torn inside what to do. I took the route, this is not a referee issue and let the player continue to play. I was quite upset with myself afterwards. But to take a stand meant I would have to go against the coach which I did not know at that point in time what to do. Bottom line is I have to sleep with myself and I have a conscience and I believe I let that kid down. It takes even greater courage to stand up for what is not right. It's not happening on my court and if you want to take my uniform you can have it. It is a sad state of affairs if this is what we have let our game come too. Win at all cost, the players is expendable. I know you are short-sided when it comes to these type of issue, especially when it comes to the rulebook. But what about tomorrow? This abused kid is going to become an adult, and one day may become a coach. What type of coach do you think he will be, or better, would you want this type of man coaching your grandson or granddaughter?

You say that you have a rules book and yet you ask these questions! :confused:

I have to question the responsibility of any assigner who would put an official on a U17 AAU game who doesn't know the answers to these. :(

I would not put much stock in anything Ronald Reagan said. And I agree with Juulie that it is not our duty to intervene in a "family" dispute like that. If a kid is crying then they should not be playing an emotional sport. As stated the only thing we really can do is penalize the language, but if there is no profanity then we need to move on. This is an issue with the schools, parents and the coaches to handle.

Peace

No, I don't want this person coaching my kids or grandkids, and as a parent, I get the choice. But other parents have choices, too, and if they want that person coaching, I have no grounds to interfere. I don't like it, and i"ll work against it in whatever avenue I can, but I sure can't just arbitrarily decide that my stripes make me the final word on what's going to happen or not happen on the basketball floor.

Which national tournament? Which city? What age group? What hotel did you stay at? Who assigned this?

Just wondering.

Rut, why are you attributing that post to me? :confused:

I remain aware of the Officials Code of Ethics.

• Officials at an interscholastic athletic event are participants in the educational development of high school students. As such, they must exercise a high level of self-discipline, independence and responsibility. The purpose of this Code is to establish guidelines for ethical standards of conduct for all interscholastic officials. [Some of this Code is:]
  • Officials shall uphold the honor and dignity....
  • Officials shall ... comport themselves in a manner consistent with the high standards of their profession.
  • Officials shall remain mindful that their conduct influences the respect that student-athletes, coaches and the public hold for the profession.

Quite possibly, the words (ie., responsibility, ethical, honor, dignity, standards, influences) will have different personal meanings to individual Officials. And regardless of whether we totally or partially agree with the exact measure of *What is Right" during a contest, it is important that each Official is "true to self", that our purpose, our reason to officiate has not been influenced by factors that lie somewhere outside our realm of propriety.

Yes, the Rules should be applied and must never be mis-applied.
Yet, if the rules do not specifically include what we may personally view as the Wellness of the Game, it is not unjustifiable that, left with nothing else to employ, we default to our personal sense of "right".

If we see an adult and a youth in a heated exchange [in a parking lot, in a yard], with no written rules in that lot or yard, are we obliged to observe, to act, to follow our gut, or to look away and let another fix it.

...Whatever! Without a particular rule, do what personally feels right.

Well said, mick.
That sentiment is basically what I had in mind when I earlier wrote:

In the end an official, and moreso a person, is going to judged on how well certain situations are dealt with. In these oddball cases, doing what you believe is the right thing to do is quality advice and should usually turnout for the best. There are many factors which go into making up what an individual believes is right. The rules, fairness, safety, personal background, etc.

Do you have anything to add or do you just always like to shoot the messenger. I left a lot of room out there for you to have an opinion on the message, yet you choose to attack the messenger. What up with that?

In any event, here is what I stated. Read the OP completely before you start hating.

If I am understanding you correctly, once you reach a certain age or point in your career, you should never ask for advise? Am I understanding you correctly?

It's not inquiring about those questions that draws my ire, but the two which I quoted in post #22. Those are basic things that you should know in order to be a competent official. :(

1) Translation: <i>No, I do not and never have owned a rule book. And what is this "case book" thingy that I keep hearing so much about?</i>

2) No, Nevada is saying that once you reach a certain age, you should retire. In your particular case, that age was whatever you were yesterday.:D

Actually, I disagree respectfully again. On my court, and I have said this before. We are all going to respect one another or there's not going to be a game. We (officials) bring the intergrity to the floor and at the youth level, there will be respect for everyone that is there, or I will have people removed. Fans will respect fans, players will respect one another, coaches will respect the officials, and so on. I have the authority to ensure that this happens and in the event that it doesn't. I would like to feel I am within my rights to do something about it. If we are outside the scope of the rulebook, which I kind of think we are here. Then you do what you believe to be right or you turn your head and ignore it forever.

What I was getting at there Nevadaref, and you may disagree, is that this matter was not a game situation problem but more of a out of control fan problem except now with the player coach. IOW's, since it is not game related but a problem nonetheless. I could remove these 2 participants as though they where fans. In which event, since it is not college, I would not access a technical. Treating it this way would save face for the coach but he would still get written up. I don't know if this has ever been thought of or done. That was the basis of my question. I get the fact that I could access a unsportsmanlike TF to the coach for his behavior here, but is the thinking that far out of the relm of possibly considering the incident is not game related. Food for thought, has a coach ever been removed and not been given a technical?

Why worry about something that has nothing to do with your part of the game? Why worry about the poor kid being "abused"? It sounds to me like he wasn't being abused, he was being benched, which happens on occasion in the game of basketball. Maybe the kid needed to have his butt chewed. It sounds suspiciously as though the player didn't understand his role. The coach decides who is going to be on the floor. The player plays. On the other hand, maybe the coach was a jerk. He can be a jerk all he wants to his players. If it's that bad maybe mom and dad need to get the kid on a different team or find a new coach. It isn't my business as an official until it is directed at me or my partners. If you're that worried about how a player feels...go coach and do it better than the one you talked about in the OP.

I found Old School's scenario interesting. I think it's good food for thought.

And now that I thunk it and wrote about it, if in the realm of Third World plays it happens, I think I am at least a 1/2-step closer to dealing with it.

A 1/2-step which way? ;)

We are in big trouble!!!!
 

The problem is everything is not abuse. If you get in someone's face you are being abusive. If you tell someone how you feel, it is abusive. If you use one foul word, it is abusive.

There are several generations that were literally knocked up side the head and they did not go around and shoot up a school.

If anything this just shows the fundamental problem in our society. Parents and adults would rather be friends with children than being the bad guy or gal and disciplining children. If that means you have to raise your voice then do so. My God Alec Baldwin is being roasted for getting upset with his child, who he takes care of BTW. I wish that was the only thing my parents said to me when they got angry and I did a lot less.

I know most will not agree with me, but I could never imagine myself even getting upset over this confrontation. It sounded like a little spoiled brat not being able to play a game and someone not putting up with his crap. We really need to stop treating kids today as if they are so innocent. There are kids his age that have committed capital crimes and we are afraid to hurt their feelings during an extra-curricular activity?

Peace

Sorry I erased the wrong quote tag.

Peace

I don't think I've ever agreed with you more, Jeff. Well put.

Interesting, Rut.
I got locked in on the Coach who sounded like a spoiled brat, although, a hunert years ago, when my coach yelled or hit us with a clipboard, I don't remember "yelling back" as even being an option. :)

Rut,

I may not agree with the teams you root for, but I agree with what you said.

You may be older than you let on... ;)

I don't know if this problem relates to babies having babies, today's choice of drug(s), the video games or the liberalist. But this generation sure as hell aren't built like we were! I'm a 70s baby & sure there were problem children back then too, but we weren't as horrid as today's generation... were we

Uhh yeah what that guy said!

In the original situation, why not just hit the whistle, turn toward the bench and loudly say "Is there a problem here?" at which point player and coach would both have sheepishly sat down and stfu...if they didn't, then move on to whacking and tossing...it ain't rocket science.

See? Like I said. Good post.
If it happens yer ready. :)

Well said. I actually tried writing a similar post, but would have gone on for 3 pages so I opted for what I wrote.

So let me get this straight.
You're going to insert yourself into what you think is a situation where the player needs you to protect him from his coach's verbal abuse? You see this kid once, for a total of what, an hour? And now you think you're qualified to ascertain the health of this coach/player relationship? Furthermore, you think you can step in and shield this player?

You've got no idea of the history between these two, and unless you've got more contact with them than you're letting on, I'd go so far as to say you probably have no business getting involved. It's for the players, parents, and coach to hash out later.

The only involvement I can justify is if either of their behavior warrants a T. Tell them to save it for after the game and move on.

See my (not very long) post on the previous page...or any of Mick's posts in this thread...

JRut, I understand your position here but it is the opposite extreme of what we are talking about. This tread is not about kids needing more discipline in there life or kids needing to toughen up.

The case I bought up with the child crying on the court. We’re talking kids still in grade school. The coach who was black wanted the white player who was taller than all the other kids in his age group to toughen up and play like a man. The kid was giving it his all, so much so, he was crying right there on the court. Damn near the whole game. My question to all of you is, when did you all lose site of kids just being kids? You have become the Roman society. When did bb become so damn important that kids now have to be adults before puberty sets in. Do you know that you will spend the majority of your life as an adult? How about we let kids be kids during those precious years where they don’t have a care in the world, instead of enforcing our selfish motives to win a bb game so they must grow up right now and get tough. I bet there was a lot of other places that kid would have rather been then running up and down that court crying. In fact, that type of abuse (and yes, I believe it is abusive to treat a kid this way) may turn this kid off to bb forever. That is the part that I speak about when I say it’s a sad state of affairs in this industry.

Last, did you know that bully’s, kids that abuse other kids, are kids that are abused themselves. Did you know that? Where does this abuse start or come from? Could it be from being forced to do something they don’t want to do. I’m all for disciplining kids in a proper and respectful manner and there will be tough ramifications if you do something wrong, however....!

However valid your argument is JRut, it missed the boat here. You shot an airball, but it looked good.

While everything you say here may have some merit, the big question is still authority in this matter. What if the player screams at the coach that his sprained ankle hurts and he needs to come out? The coach replies, "Suck it up and play, you wimp!"

Do you intervene here because of concern for permanent injury?

Had it happen in a JV game. I wrote the coach up too! Definity did not want to see that coach progress any further in his career.

Unless this is your child, since when is a U17 player still in grade school? U17's are usually sophomores or juniors in high school. My 2cents, that is an issue between the coach and the player. The parents let/chose this coach to coach their child. It's no different than the players that go play for Coach Knight. I personally wouldn't want/let my child play for a coach like that, but there are plenty of parents who would. What would you do if this was a Texas Tech/ K-State (although Huggins isn't there anymore) and they started to yell at a player and made that player cry? That player may only be 18-19 years old. All in all, I think you handled this about the way that I would have.

Wrote the coach up, you say? What exactly does that mean?


this is like quicksand.......

You have no idea what these kids are going through or how tough they are; their coach is far more qualified to make that judgment than an official who sees them for about an hour. I can tell you the easiest way to become a former official is to start telling a coach how to do his job. Then, suddenly, you're coaching a 5th grade AAU team yelling at the refs and telling them you should know because you used to ref varsity ball.

These coaches are responsible to enough people; we don't need to get involved. If for no other reason, it detracts from our appearance of objectivity. We can't afford that loss.

Snaqwells,
Somehow singling out and yelling at a kid in front of God and everyone else still doesn't feel like the reponsible direction of an alleged adult.
By ignoring that, are we not condoning the distraction? :cool:

What do you think it means?

Crying does not mean anything. I have seen kids cry over committing a turnover. Also we give kids a trophy for just participating. When I was a kid you had to actually win something to get an award. I learned that you have to work hard and be exceptional. Sorry, I do not find it abusive for an adult to take them out of a game and when the kid pouts, and then the adult confronts them (as it appears it happen in your story). Also remember you asked for opinions and when we give it to you, you want to challenge it. Why did you come here in the first place if you did not want to accept opinions?

I had bullies too when I was a kid. I punched one in the mouth and they left me alone. I did not run to my parents or other adults to handle my business. Not to say that works today as well, but at some point kids have to learn to deal with adversity. I was the only Black kid in an entire school and I had some issues to deal with and I survived and became very strong for it. Kids today have someone call them a name the world is coming to an end.

First of all I did not come here asking for your opinion. You are the one having trouble figuring out what to do. I know what I would do and it would not be what you suggested. I feel adults have the right to displine kids and sometimes yell at them. Remember you said the kid had to be restrained. If the kid is reacting like that, then they do not need to play sports.

Peace

My apologies for sending the message I am challenging your opinion. I am trying to steer the discussion in another direction then you are heading, although I do value your opinion and position on this issue. Please don't be offended when I tell you, you are living out of the past. There are a lot of things that happen yesterday that are no longer valid today. For instance, gang violence is wosre today then it was when I was in school.

Don't you think you are scretching it a little bit when you say the world is coming to an end if someone calls a kid a name. Can we at least keep the conversation to what's real and not what's hyperbole To your point about the bullies. What you did way back when, might get you killed today, if you think a fight is over after one successful punch. Again, I would like to keep the conversation to the 20th century if you don't mind.

Once again, you are lost in space and appears to be the one with the problem here. You are having the hardest time discussing it. It's okay that you would handle it differently. I also agree with you that coaches should be able to disciplhine there players, to a certain extinct. The problem that I have with you is that you are living out of yesterday. In the here and now, coaches go to the extreme, and so do some parents, and it is that extreme that I am discussing, that you can't seem to get your arm's around. You keep wanting to talk about something else, when there is a very real, a very valid problem out there with adults (coaches) crossing the line too.

Continue on talking about your point of view and what you think this is all about. Even though it is a different discussion, there is much to learn there too.

Everyone is not exposed to Gang violence. It sounds like you buy into the hype the media is feeding you. BTW, kids still fight. I have seen some at some games and no one was shot. And a lot of what people consider a “gang” in some circles would be harmless in other circles. Let us use a little common sense. This discussion is not about gang violence. It is about a kid getting their poor little feelings hurt. What a tragedy.

First of all I did not say the world was coming to an end. I simply said there is something wrong with a society that values the feelings of children over the responsibility of the adults that have to take care of them. Do not fool yourself into thinking that every confrontation involves gun play. The VT shooting was not the first shooting at a school and will not be the last. Remember the University of Texas? That did not even take place during my life time.

It is so funny how you talk about of both sides of your azz. On one hand you try to apologize for disagreeing with me, the next minute you start name calling when the opinion is not what you share. Old School, do whatever the hell you want to. I personally do not care. It is very clear you cannot handle much criticism just by the way you handle things here. If you do not like what I have to say, stop reading my posts. I certainly have stop reading most of your posts.

This is your moral delemia, it is not mine. I know how I feel about this and know what I am going to do if it happens.

Peace

So you think gang violence in America is a hype. That confirms it! You are completely disconnected from society and I got news for you. It is not a hype!
Interesting, but a nice play on words. I like it and agree this discussion is not about gang violence. Nobody is saying this but you. We are trying to address one problem, you know, one problem at a time. One fix at a time. Part of the problem I see with this country is the fact we can't get anything done because of trying to fix too many problems at once. Your attempt to ambush the conversation and make the water more murkly, happens over and over in our gov. and now you know why they can't get anything done. Then why do you keep posting and giving us your take on things. Your position is all players are brats and all coaches are saints. I think that sums up your position here. What is clear is you cannot handle this discussion. You are the one that's complaining the most. Hey, in case you haven't read, this is my tread. Can I at least read the posts in the tread that I started. And quite lying to yourself. You are responding to everything I post now, which means you are reading everything I post. Perhaps you should take your own advise and let it go.

It really does not matter what you say about these other issues, because it has nothing to do with the OP. If you do not like the direction of the responses, then you should have never created the thread in the first place. Once again you want to tell the world how you have the authority to do something and you cannot reference one rule to back up your claim. How about this, where is your rules reference?

For all you know the kid might have been a head case or a constant problem with his coach and his parents or parent. You have no idea and just because you think the coach was wrong do not mean that others that are close to the situation would not disagree. Then again you have described nothing the coach did that was abusive. Unless he called the kid a name or threatened him, not sure that is abusive. Then again you think gang violence has something to do with this issue, so I would not be surprised what you call abuse.

Peace