What should you do about bad parenting?
 

Seriously Folks,

The parents where I live have gotten to the point where it's really, really bad. Is there anything an official can do about it or do we just have to learn to tolerate it?

I know parents are people too, and it's a tough job, and they aint getting paid. We officials are working for maybe $10, 20 or in some areas a whopping $30 to $40 per summer game. This past AAU season, it just seemed like the parenting was worse than ever. So far, summer league has been no better.

I'll never forget the game where the parents on the endlines screamed their fool heads off for fouls in the first half, then in the second half scream even louder when you call a foul. Is it too much to ask these parents to expect games be called fairly and not expect every single call to go their way?

One of my main pet peeves is the parent who screams at his teenaged kid that he wasn't being aggressive enough. "Knock him on his azz! Show him what you're made of!!" Then there's the parents that ridicule a teenager because he blew an easy layup, or missed everything on a free throw. I know they're only having fun, but, I mean, come on, try at least to have SOME perpective.

Maybe it's not as wide spread everywhere as it is in my area, but it sure is bad here. Is it because we're not adequately policing and evaluating parents?

What can officials do about it? What is the right approach?

Thank you. Couldn't have said it better

This is one of the funniest posts I have seen in a long time.

I needed that laugh. :D

Peace

I agree that it's gotten worse in the last couple of years. Around here it seems like it is worse in some leagues than others, worse in some tournaments than others.

Could you start throwing some of them out? maybe at least move them off the endline, and up into the stands?

You might try talking to them ahead of time, or having coaches do it. In some of our summer leagues, they've started having the coaches do more to control the parents. It's helped quite a bit. But you've got to have game management on your side to pull it off.

Oh, wait, this wasn't a serious post? you were just jabbing at someone who complained about the reffing... okay so there's some egg on my face.

This is funny,

I have to tell a funny story that happened last night.

I did a championship AAU summer league game. On one side of the court I kept hearing 3 second, 3 seconds 3 seconds. I thought i was loosing my eyesight. Oddly enough at half time I had an opportunity to ask the parents who is yelling 3 seconds I shouldn't have asked but I needed to just to clear my head. A woman turns and said me. I explained what 3 seconds was. She replied thanks, and then she was honest to say. "this is the only call I know".

Which I tend to believe that 90% of the parents don't have a hell of beans knowledge of any rule of basketball.

It's extremely bad and it isn't getting any better. It's sad, to say the least. As for summer ball goes, I just don't take it. For the most part in our area we are getting paid $15 per game if not nothing. So it doesn't take too much for me to show them the door.

This summer our association was working a small two-day camp. The officials weren't getting paid anything directly, however there was a small amount of money going to the association's funds. On a floor I wasn't working on, the parents got so bad that the officials just said they had enough and called it a night. Pretty funny.

I don't know, maybe in today's society it's "cool" to look like an idiot and be ejected from a sports contest.

I've actually thrown 4 fathers out of AAU games because of their behavior this year.

One of the gyms we have the games at, has 2 sets of bleachers and there is about a 20 foot gap between them for the table. For some unknown reason the top of the bleachers is the spot for these idiots. I'll invariably get 2 dad's shouting or better yet threatening each other across the gap. So I stop play chuck them and go merrily on my way with the game.

On one occasion I had a coach ask "aren't you afraid they'll go at it in the parking lot??"

Don't know why I just want to bust up laughing at that?

I guess I'm waiting for the day, which will probably never happen and I'll never know if it happens. that maybe one day the kids will shed some light on the parents when they see their father get thrown out and just simply say, " DAD you must be an "A$$, don't embarass me again"

I kinda had that happen a few years ago. I tossed a male (hesitate to call him an "afult" or a "dad" because of his conduct). When I started to administer the throw in the young boy standing there said "Thanks, my dad can be a big pain in the azz at times.". Only problem was that I was the only one that heard him make the comment.

Simple solution:
http://www.rotten.com/library/death/...tine_model.jpg

Dang, I'm in luck. I believe that will fit in my gear bag. What ya think M&M? ;):D

With plenty of room to spare!

I would bring a seperate laundry bag to carry that thing home after it's used.

But that's just me.

Depends on how many parents it gets used on that night.

Also, you gotta keep the blade sharp; a dull blade has a tendancy to make a bigger mess.

Might be just my area, but the bone heads around here would make keeping that thing sharp a never-ending job.

you could always join the local parent association and find out the intracasies of being a parent. After all its not science but an art.

You can also learn how we get to learn the rules and how we apply them in the stands and also the philosophy behind our knowledge behind the game. If you need help finding your local parent association please let me know I should be able to help at least with my territory in alaska.

Can't I just read this book and become a parent?

http://ec3.images-amazon.com/images/...CLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

I get it.

That relates to the preceding "guillotine" thingy, right? They're both about giving head.

For a minute there, I thought that you mighta been going off-topic.....but you're OK.

And the answer is: "No. I am afraid they won't."

I did notice that smurf [the poor man's Barney] did not reply in his thread, so he must me all set now.

I thought these were only authorized for use in FIBA games.

Has anyone had the opportunity to clear a gym of everyone except the coaches, players and table personnel? Our local officials have done it several times in the past few years during AAU tournaments. Surprisingly effective when it seems parents have lost all perspective in the stands and sanity becomes a scarce commodity.

My town's rec department (winter ball) got to the point where they threatened to do this. The next season, the local IAABO board refused to ref their games.

I've learned to just ignore parents, with my only acknowledgement being perhaps a little internal chuckle when I hear the stupid things they say. I was confronted by a parent once after a game; I just gave a quick answer and moved on - probably shouldn't have said anything.

Maybe this can shed some light on the subject.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/artic...12-000010.html

Stan

__________________________
Actually, Rut, i have to disagree with you. I think it's one of the saddest because it is so true!:(

Just take a roll of Duct Tape. It's lighter and doesn't make as much mess.

_______________________
And. M&M, he'll have an extra one for you just in case you forgot yours!!!:D

I don't know, Stan. That's pretty simplistic -- the article, I mean. But whether or not I agree on that subject, I'm not sure it's relevant to the topic of parents who scream at refs.

I know this thread was started in jest, but it is a serious issue, and one that affects more and more people. I think the main problem is that parents believe that "anything worth doing is worth being perfect at" and they really can't see that a healthy childhood includes a lot of mediocre performance. These are the same parents who scream at teachers for giving the kids B's instead of A's, and then scream at the kids for "slacking off." It's okay for kids to "slack off" and go to community college, and live in two-room apartments, and take the bus. There's no shame in not being Michael Jordan, or Lisa Leslie.

Very interesting article. Thanks, Stan.

Nah, if we're going to do it, we probably should go all out. ;)

Good point, I've to stay consistent. I've got two shirts, two pants, and now.... two.... :D Way to be looking out for me refnrev!

This article is a great read. I see it as a very relevant link to insane parental behavior. The article is describing "helicopter parents". Hovering over EVERY facet of their kids' lives, including time spent in organized sports. That mentality manifests itself quite nicely when little Trevor or Joshua or Ashley is called for a foul...and mommy and daddy have to jump right in and "fix it". Their only option is to make the official the problem, not their little prince or princess' behavior. Maybe we should carry business cards for a local mental health pro and hand it out when someone fouls out.

Rainmaker, I agree, the article is a bit simplistic. However, I think it is applicable to the conversation. Excerpts of the article in red.

I think I've made a statement, good or bad, my stats this summer are. 3 coaches tossed, and 4 parents send home early, and technicals on many more coaches. Call me a hothead, but I don't have a very long rope with these idiots.

Oh and get this one, we tossed a coach and the administrator brought him back in at a time out to ask why he was ejected. Of course we were like what the hell are you doing? Then in a later game, admin tried to put 30 secs back on the clock that was ran off during a foul out substition, clock runs no matter what by their rules. Then later, we toss a fan, HE BRINGS HIM BACK IN! Not once, not twice, 3 f$%#'n times he let's the guy come back in and we stop the game to get him back out. Somtimes it's just one of those days. :D

Two weeks later...

administrator calls CLS: "Hey can you work some games for me this weekend?"

CLS: "Only if you're paying $150 per game!"

Remember when players had to raise their hand when they were called for a foul? Can you imagine if that was still in the rulebook today?

Perhaps we should reinstate that rule, to help little Johnny learn to take responsibility for his own actions. The hard part would be helping the coaches understand this concept. :D

NC AAU Girls has a great rule. If you toss the parent, the daughter goes to. Talk about cleaning things up!!!

I'd go for this! How about a step farther? Whoever gets tossed, anyone assoicated with that person goes too.

Are you from the midwest?

I am and it would be fun to tell them to: "take your teeth with you!"

I am. Why do you ask?

- and the horse they rode in on.

I had something similar happen a couple of years ago during a summer league game (non-AAU) when a young lady (about 12-13 years old) missed the first of 2 free throws and her mom yelled at her to "get her head in the game". It was really quite in the gym and the player put the ball on the floor, turned to her mom and said "if you think it's so easy, why don't you come down here and do it, otherwise, SHUT UP!" I hate to think of the conversation in the car on the way home. BTW, the mom never said a word after that.

I think this happened in MD. last year. Seems that the parents were getting out of hand and on one particular Saturday, the only people allowed into the gym were the teams and the officials.

cuz back east we say 'step father' :D

Come on and tell us. Did the 2nd one go in?

Quit working those games. :D

Mregor

To sum it all up...
 

I think that the problem is not going to get any better in the future. Just ignoring the idiots will work to a certain extent, but eventually they will see the lack of action from the officials as a tacit approval for their behaviour, and things will start getting worse. This means that the very nature of how we manage the game will have to be slightly modified.
Here's what I would like to suggest. Establish a code of conduct for for parents, and make it very clear that breaches will result in eviction from the venue. Second, make the home team responsible for enforcing the rules. Any breach that is not being dealt with appropriately will lead to forfeit of the game at the discretion of the referees, and a possible financial fine later on. Yes, this would mean that the home team will have to organise security arrangements to be able to deal with idiots. But that's a small price to pay compared to the cost of an increased number of referees refusing to work certain areas/associations/schools etc. Also, we are already struggling to recruit new referees in many sports because young people do not want to put up with the abuse they are witnessing. So, I say time to clear up.

Amen! How do we officials enforce to get that in place

I have had a kid apologize to me for the actions of his Dad. That was pretty cool.

I've had that too.

I had situation with a AAU game (16 and up) A1 going to basket on a`still partner had foul Im under basket A1 had a few words with the other player I would not give him his freethrows until he dropped the attitude. During a timeout the coached got his explanation and was thankful. After the game the kid and his parent apoligized the parent was more thankful than the kid was