Incredibly Stupid Coach

[rainmaker]

I haven't worked with "Dave", unfortunately, but I seem to have plenty of opportunities to collect "stupid coach" stories. This is from this weekend:

I'm new lead, but standing at half-court due to full court pressure. Ball never gets near half-court, aprtner whistles just as Coach B starts yelling, "Ten seconds! Eleven, Twelve... why isn't he calling it" and so on. Meantime, the ball is being passed to the ref and he's motioning to the player where the inbounds will be. As the team B player is taking the ball out of bounds, Coach B is still yelling. I turn to him and say, "Coach, who now has the ball?" He says, "Huh?" "Coach, we already blew the ten seconds, and your team now has the ball." "Oh," (get this, it is unbelievable!) "I wasn't paying any attention..." Could any of you pass up a straight line like that? "Coach, if you're not going to pay attention to the game, you can't yell at the refs!" This ranks right up there with my previous all-time favorite, "I never read the rule book."

[BktBallRef]

Originally posted by rainmaker
Could any of you pass up a straight line like that? "Coach, if you're not going to pay attention to the game, you can't yell at the refs!"

Did you pass it up?

AAU tourney two weeks ago, I'm working a 16U girls game. Team out of Raleigh is getting beat pretty bad. I called a PC foul on one of their girls, who just completely ran over an opponent. I rotated to C after reporting.

Now, the coach of the 17U Raleigh team, who play next, is sitting about where I normally line up at C. As I move in front of him, he says, "I don't think you have any concept as to what an offensive foul is." I couldn't resist! I turned and said, "Coach, I could give a fat rat's *** what you think." He didn't say a word the rest of the game.

I enjoy working good AAU ball but I'll be damned if I'm going to listen to the crap that some of these Weekend Warrior Coaches spew from their mouths.

My only regret is that I didn't have the next game.

[Mark Padgett]

As I move in front of him, he says, "I don't think you have any concept as to what an offensive foul is."

Typical "Dave" reply - "Coach, you got the first three words of your statement right."

Also - whenever a coach starts "counting" try - "Coach, I didn't think you could count that high without taking your shoes off."

[Danvrapp]

I love it! These are all great! How about this one:

I was working a game this weekend that a coach kept complaining about 'over the back' (never heard of that one....?) and touchy-feely kind of fouls. Finally, he asked me if I even know the rules of basketball. Now, I don't know what made me think of this, but I asked him:

"Coach, do you know how many rules there are in the game of basketball?"

Of course, he replied with "....hundreds, and I think you need to read up on them."

And I quickly replied "No, coach, there are 10 rules in the game of basketball, and I'm familiar with every one of them," and walked away.

It didn't quite shut him up, but I think that's because he didn't understand my reply. Which figures, I come up with a witty response and the coach is to $#@*&! dumb to understand me!

[bluezebra]

Some favorites from my whistle-blowing days:

Ball still in backcourt - "3 seconds"

Ball being rebounded - "3 seconds"

"That's reaching in"

"3 seconds" - on the defense

I had an assistant coach in a high school game ask me to move ( I was trail official) because he couldn't see. I politely told him to change his position on the bench or watch from the stands.

Bob

[Hawks Coach]

Originally posted by Danvrapp
"No, coach, there are 10 rules in the game of basketball, and I'm familiar with every one of them"

Kinda makes you wonder why all of us frequent this board - this game is sooo simple

That is a great response though. Coach is probably looking for a sheet of paper with those ten simple rules on them.

[walter]

Worked an AAU regional girl's tournament this weekend. Team A is losng by 30 early in the second half. Coach has tried everything he could to motivate his team and nothing has worked (pulling all 5 starters, yelling at individual players, etc.). He was "T'd" in the first half for coming onto the court to protest a call. When he's down 30, he begins riding the three of us on the floor again. At one point it becomes obvious that he wants the "T" to be ejected. As I'm positioned near his bench as trail during a free throw by a player from his team he says something like "Well now I know the three blind mice tale is true. All three of them suck.". I turned to him and said "Coach, if I have to stay out here and ref this slop, you're going to have to stay here with me and coach it." I never heard a word from him the rest of the game. They ended up losing by 43.

[Brian Watson]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Hawks Coach
[B]

Originally posted by Danvrapp
"No, coach, there are 10 rules in the game of basketball, and I'm familiar with every one of them"

This is like Back to School...We have only 10 rules, with 28 sub parts, and 28 sub parts to those..

[Danvrapp]

Originally posted by Brian Watson
This is like Back to School...We have only 10 rules, with 28 sub parts, and 28 sub parts to those.. [/B]

Ssshhhhh!! I don't think any coaches know that yet!

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by walter
As I'm positioned near his bench as trail during a free throw by a player from his team he says something like "Well now I know the three blind mice tale is true. All three of them suck.". I turned to him and said "Coach, if I have to stay out here and ref this slop, you're going to have to stay here with me and coach it."

Definitely worth memorizing!!

[ilya]

God, i haven't checked this board in like a month untill today, and looks like i've been missing out on some fun!