sexual misconduct guidelines

[refnrev]

I know, I know, I've been jabbering a lot lately, but I'm craving "shop talk" with os say, several hundred or so friends. Dribble's comment about racism and sexism in another post got me to thinking. This past Spring in one of the girl's soccer leagues where I officated often, we were given a bunch of specific things to do and not to do, all the way from how we addressed the girls on and off the field to how they had to wear their jerseys, shorts, etc. All of it was to protect both the girls AND to protect us from any chance of anything said or done being misconstrued. This was especially important because we have a lot of youth referees, male and female. Many of the guys were about the same age as the female players. I wonder if state associations are going to start putting out guidelines like these for HS refs? Might be a good idea. What do you think?

[ChuckElias]

Originally posted by refnrev
Dribble's comment about racism and sexism in another post got me to thinking.

You sure it wasn't Dribble's comment about yelling "Ball, ball, ball" in the plural?

And personally, I don't see my state association coming out with conduct guidelines as you suggest. It could happen, but I don't see it as being critical.

[Mark Padgett]

As long as you don't ask girls if they have removed their nipple rings, you should be OK.

[Dribble]

Originally posted by ChuckElias

You sure it wasn't Dribble's comment about yelling "Ball, ball, ball" in the plural?

I just wanted to silence a thread that went on for WAY too long...and so far I've done it!

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by Dribble

I just wanted to silence a thread that went on for WAY too long...and so far I've done it!

Wow... WHAT?!?! Guess I should check back in on that thread!!

[rainmaker]

Someone on another thread wondered why we need background checks since all our time of being on duty we are in front of such a large crowd of people. (He obviously doesn't work some of my freshman girls games where the total attendance in the gym is the two teams, the coaches, the refs and one mother from each team who drives the girls home.) The problem isn't that some ref is going to be feeling up a player in the middle of a game. It's that part of a pedophile's MO is to make friends with a kid, and establish a relationship so that later, an opportunity for the "action" will arise. In order to prevent that, the policy needs to be no contact or interaction of any kind.

Of course, with teenage refs, it may not be that simple, since most probably don't have a record, even if they've started into a pattern of abuse. I do think that guidelines for dress and for verbal and physical contact during the time around the game would help protect both the players and the refs. If they are friends off the gamesite (court or field), that's going to complicate things a little, but my guess is that once the situation is fully explained to both the players and the ref, and if an evaluator or AD can help facilitate that a little, it won't be a problem.

[refnrev]

Juulie,
I personally think that some guidelines to prevent people from doing things that might be totally harmeless but that might be misinterpreted would be good. For example - someone mentioned in a post that when giving the ball to a female player he said, "Here you go, Princess." He probably meant nothing improper by it at all. But a comment like that, even to a young player, could be totally misunderstood and taken way out of context and come back to haunt him. I know of a soccer coach and a school district who were sued for sexual harrassement because the coach played an upperclass girl on the jv team instead of on the varsity. (It was a boy's team but girls played on the boys team because there weren't enough players for a girl's team.) There was absolutely nothing inapropriate about his behavior or speech to the girl, but her mother thought she should be playing V and filed a suit. The coach and school had to spend a lot of money and almost two years in federal court before it was thrown as as frivilous. In today's climate, you have to be extra careful about anything you say or do. That's why I think some guidelines might be helpful.

[rainmaker]

Rev -- In your first instance, I agree that a guideline would have been appropriate. In the second, there's nothing that's gonna protect that coach. The parents were being obnoxious and that can't be helped. In Oregon, there has been an effort to make it automatic that when a lawsuit is declared frivolous, the plaintiff has to pay all costs. In your second case that would have been a lot more helpful!

[Mark Padgett]

I had a female coach object to my partner and I calling her players "ladies". She thought it was sexist since we called the boys "guys" and not gentlemen. I asked her what she would prefer we call her players and she just shrugged.

For the remainder of the game, whenever I had to address one of her players I shrugged first. The coach had no clue as to what I was doing.

[BayStateRef]

Originally posted by Mark Padgett
I had a female coach object to my partner and I calling her players "ladies". She thought it was sexist since we called the boys "guys" and not gentlemen. I asked her what she would prefer we call her players and she just shrugged.

How about "players." And you don't have to worry if you are working boys games or girls games.

[zebraman]

Originally posted by BayStateRef

How about "players." And you don't have to worry if you are working boys games or girls games.

Exactly. A clinician once told me that we refer to the players as "players." You'll never get in trouble that way, even from the most politically correct. It resulted from the exact same scenario as Padgett had where a female coach objected to the use of "ladies" as patronizing.

It also goes to the point of "the less said the better." I see a lot of officials who get way too verbal when tossing the ball to a free thrower. They say something like, "ok guys (or ladies), hold your spots because we have 2 shots here." How about just saying, "two" instead?

Z

[drothamel]

Let me start by saying I HATE STUPID PEOPLE. Any person that would object to "ladies" is a stupid person. What does the coach call them? I seriously doubt that she says, "nice job, players!" when they play good defense. As far as I can tell, to call a female a "lady" has never been patronizing or derogatory in the history of the world. Only until recent history has it even been considered generic. To me, it is a polite term of respect.

For the record, I always refer to females as ladies, and males as gentlemen when I am on the court. Although, I still say "Yes sir" and "Yes ma'am," and have drawn critcism from people for that as well.

To follows Z's point, one should try to be as succinct as possible. I use the above guidelines only when I must address the players.

[Edited by drothamel on Jul 11th, 2005 at 04:32 PM]

[refnrev]

Originally posted by drothamel
Let me start by saying I HATE STUPID PEOPLE. For the record, I always refer to females as ladies, and males as gentlemen when I am on the court. Although, I still say "Yes sir" and "Yes ma'am," and have drawn critcism from people for that as well.
[Edited by drothamel on Jul 11th, 2005 at 04:32 PM]

__________________________________________________ _________

I'm with you, D. With me it's always "ladies" or "gentlemen" for players and "Yes Ma'am (Sir)" or "No Sir (Ma'am)" to players and coaches. I believe it falls under the classification of good manners which seems to be a dying art in America today!