Hess in Austin?

[jbduke]

Dear Fanboys,

Yes, I know where Karl Hess is going to be this weekend: Austin. In an unprecedented move, Hank Nichols has already assigned Hess to work ALL THREE GAMES!!

He will work the Duke game, because he's in K's pocket; then he'll work the Kentucky game twenty minutes later. Now, read carefully, because I'm going to give you some dope here you won't read anywhere else. Hess is going to make absolute sure that Kentucky wins on Friday night; this, of course, is only to throw you off, to make you wrongly believe that he doesn't hate Kentucky with every breath he takes, also because he knows that it'll hurt Kentucky fans worse to lose to Duke again than to lose to Utah.

Then, Sunday afternoon, he will revert to his true colors, making sure that Hayes and Buike have at least five fouls between them by half-time, and that Duke gets exactly 59.81 per cent of the close calls down the stretch (for plausible deniability and all). Soon after Duke wins the game, Hess is going to emerge from the locker room still in full uniform with scissors in hand to give to Daniel Ewing, who will cut the first strands of net for the victors.

Enjoy Friday night, because Karl Hess is gonna rip your heart out Sunday afternoon. Tubby and company might as well not even show up, because they have no chance whatsoever to impact the outcome of the game. Nothing that happens will be their responsibility, not turnovers, not missed free throws, not bad switches, nothing.

Go Hess, and Go Duke.