My response would have been.

"No Thanks, I don't want to watch this awful game either".

Heard this the other day.

Player dribbles the ball into the defender and balls goes out of bound. Official call Out of bounds.

Dribbler yells out, "Where's the foul".

Officals goes "Yes you're right "Charge""

GUYS, GREAT TOPIC HAVE FEW COME BACKS TO COACHES DON'T GIVE FANS THE TIME OF DAY.

COACH IS YELLING FOULS ARE SIX TO ONE, I TELL THE COACH "yOU KNOW COACH IF YOUR TEAM WOULD BOX OUT INSTEAD OF GIVING UP 3 AND 4 SHOTS A TRIP THEN HACKING ON THE LAST SHOT WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW." HE REPLIED YOU THINK SO? "I KNOW SO" AND TOOK OFF DOWN THE FLOOR DIN'T HEAR FROM HIM THE REST OF THE NIGHT.

PARTNER T'S HEAD COACH, WE LET HIM STAY UP EVEN THOUGH HE SHOULD BE DOWN. LATER IN THE GAME HE IS MOUTHING AGAIN. PARTNER GIVES A TWEET FROM A CROOS THE FLOOR AND A TEE. COACH SITS DOWN REAL QUICK. PARTNER GOES OVER TO THE ASSISTANT COACH WHO IS SITTING THERE WITH HIS CHIN IN HIS HAND MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS. LOUD RIVALRY GAME. PARTNER LEANS OVER AND TELLS THE ASSISTANT "THAT TEE IS ON YOU FOR NOT TAKING CARE OF HIM" (POINTING AT HEAD COACH). COACH DIDN'T GET UP OR SAY A WORD THE REST OF THE NIGHT.

BEFORE THE GAME GO OVER TO HOT FEMALE COACH TO GET CAPTIANS SMALL TALKING SHE TELLS ME YOU LOOK FAMILIAR DO I KNOW YOU. I REPLY "DO YOU KNOW THAT GUY YOU DREAM ABOUT" BELIEVE IT OR NOT SHE SAYS YES. I SAY "I'M HIM" AND WALK AWAY REAL QUICK. LATER IN THE GAME AS I GO BY I GIVE HER A "YOUR NOT DOSING OFF ON ME ARE YOU COACH."

DOING AN ELEMENTARY GAME A FEW YEARS BACK. INTRODUCE MYSELF TO A GROUP OF COACHES, ASK WHO IS THE HEAD COACH TWO OF THEM TELL ME THEY BOTH ARE. I TELL THEM TONIGHT YOU HAVE ONE WHO IS IT? ONE FINALLY SAYS HE WILL BE THE HEAD COACH. I TELL HIM I WILL ONLY HEAR CHIRPPING FROM HIM. NO CHIRPS FROM THE REST OF THE COACHES. I RECENTLY SAW ONE OF THE COACHES AT A HIGH SCHOOL GAME AS HE WALKS IN DURING PREGAME, HE TELLS ME HE IS A FAN TONIGHT HE CAN CHIRP ALL HE WANTS TO.

RAINMAN,
Welcome to the forum.

You make him sit the first time, he doesn't get the second.
mick

"BEFORE THE GAME GO OVER TO HOT FEMALE COACH TO GET CAPTIANS SMALL TALKING SHE TELLS ME YOU LOOK FAMILIAR DO I KNOW YOU. I REPLY "DO YOU KNOW THAT GUY YOU DREAM ABOUT" BELIEVE IT OR NOT SHE SAYS YES. I SAY "I'M HIM" AND WALK AWAY REAL QUICK. LATER IN THE GAME AS I GO BY I GIVE HER A "YOUR NOT DOSING OFF ON ME ARE YOU COACH.""

This can be dangerous. Be careful. Just a friendly thought :)

Sorry Mick, I didn't realize some might find this offensive :)

[Edited by ref18 on Mar 11th, 2005 at 11:15 PM]

Read that post more slowly, ref18, and then you'll see what not to say.
mick

Still a classic:

A1 complains he got fouled. Reply "Girls play on Tuesdays."

Here a couplke from my collection
" Player complains thats a foul i say it aint nothing unless i call it"

" I call a foul then theres a timeout a player whos been bugging me a bit comes up to me and says u callled that on the wrong player i say i wont call the technical foul on the wrong player"

"Player get all up in my face complaining i say get out of my face or ull go (whilst doing a pretty cool hand signal)"

"Assisant coach stands up and complains i say take a seat or take a hike"

Cheers
F.F.A.B.A ( future federation of australian basketball associations always be a dream)

speaking of assistant coaches. . .

we have a couple in our district that are pretty obnoxious at times. I told a head coach once that assistant coaches can only talk to the assistant referee. He had a puzzled look on his face and said, "We don't have an assistant referee, do we?" "Exactly." I said. It worked well because I have a good relationship with the the head coach.

Oh, my!

Last night I had an 8th grade boys game. Red hits the ball out but partners says red ball. I walked over and told him I'm 110% sure red hit it out, did he pass on a push or something to make him want to award the ball to red? He said no and changed his call. One of the Dads in the front row right by where we were decides to get real loud.
Dad: "Oh, good grief, he was standing right there".
Me: "You saw the same thing I saw and we got it right".

Dad: "I didn't see squat".
Me: "Oh, and that makes you qualified to comment".
All the other parents from both teams proceeded to laugh and give him a bunch of crap. He just quietly sat there red-faced for the rest of the game.

I do prescribe to leaving parents comments alone but this time I couldn't pass it up.

Youth Tournament game.

Obvious out of bounds play in front of team bench. I yell the right color, but point the wrong way. I immediately correct my point while the coaches jump up from their chairs. They were supposed to get the ball. I look at the coach and say, "I just wanted to see how fast you could get up." He smiles, thinks about it and says, "How did I do?" I say, "Slower than most." Not my usual mo, but something clicked in my head to difuse the situation before they started something else.

Doing a V game years ago. 2-man. I am the T and a steal and fast break ensue. I run my butt off to get into the right position for a call. The B player (formerly an A player until he threw the ball away) fouls from behind the A player who was shooting a layup. Had I not been in position, I would not have called it because it was one of those body fouls that may have looked like a foul but there could have been "daylight" in between the players. There was none and there was contact in the air. I go to report the foul to the bench. The B asst. coach, who is at least 50 feet from the play and can only see the back of his player, asks "Where was the foul??" I said, "Under the basket."

I normally don't give smart-aleck answers but I ran my butt off to get perfect position and this guy, who is 50 feet away with the worst angle in the gym, questions the call. It's that kind of question that destroys all credibility. If the play had been right in front of his bench, I could understand his question.

You: "Then look in a mirror. You'll see all the squat there is".