I never apologize.
I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.

-Homer J. Simpson

I'll get there alive even if it kills me!

Homer J. Simpson

Doh!

"I'm just trying to get into heaven. I'm not running for Jesus."

Good practice, kids. Now it's time for the easiest part of any coach's job. The cuts. Although I wasn't able to cut everyone I wanted, I have cut a lot of you.

Wendell is cut. Rudy is cut. Janey, you're gone. Steven, I like your hussle...that's why it was so hard to cut you.

Congratulations, the rest of you made the team! Except you, you and you.

- Coach Homer Simpson

"When I was seventeen.....
I drank some very good beer.....
I drank some very good beer I purchased.....
With a fake ID...

My name was Brian McGee....
I stayed up listening to Queen....
When I was seventeen....

Larks,
I knew we could count on my 'Nati compadre for a little wisdom.

Homer: "Yeah Moe, that team sure did suck last night! They just plain sucked. I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"
Marge: "Homer, watch your mouth!"
Homer: "I gotta go, my d*** weiner kids are listening."

Sup Wiz?

How about....

"They have the Internet on computers, now?"

and

"Rock stars ... is there anything they don't know?"

"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"


"You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is, 'never try'."


Burns: "I need your help. I want to be loved"
Homer: "I see...well, I'll need some beer..."

"I'm sorry I lied to you, Marge. But this gun had a hold on me. I felt this incredible surge ofÂ*power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun."

Lisa - you and your silly stories - "Bart is a vampire and Beer kills brain cells"



[Edited by Dewey1 on Jan 14th, 2005 at 05:02 PM]

My fav...

Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except weasels.

Also from the gun episode:

"But Marge, I swear....I never thought you'd find out."

and, of course....(read below)

"Lisa honey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand"

"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."

"You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?"

"We'll be rich Marge, rich as astronauts!"

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!"

"Or what? You'll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?"

AND FINALLY THE ONE THIS LIST CAN'T DO WITHOUT
"Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle."

HOMER: Look kids, I just got my party invitations back from the printers.
LISA: Come to Homer's BBBQ, the extra B is for BYOBB.
BART: What's that extra B for?
HOMER: That's a typo.

"I've come to hate my own creation - now I know how God feels."

"Marge, prepare the emergency ham!"

"Margaritas - that's Mexican for 'Marge.'"

After meeting the British Prime Minister:
"We just met Mr. Bean!"

"It's Saint Valentine's Day!! God wants us to do it!"

And, for Padgett, a Marge Simpson quote:

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something..." Marge Simpson,

Wow! A tribute! Thanks. Here's another similar one. On the old show Cybill, Cybill Shepherd had a job giving out singing telegrams. She came home dressed in a gorilla suit one day after work. Her friend, Mary Ann, said to her, "Either you're dressed as a gorilla or you're a French woman".

Mary Ann had another great line. One morning she woke up on Cybill's couch after a night of partying. She looked around and said, "Thank God. I'm indoors".