One thing you should be aware of is that the concept of there being an "elite 8th grade team" is a foreign one to most of the high school refs. Elite teams are HS varsity, not lower levels. Eighth grade games will be assigned less experienced and less capable officials, particularly during the normal HS basketball season.

As you may have noticed from the responses, there is no one approach that will work with every ref. Rather than trying to educate the officials into following your view of how the games should be called, you might be better served accepting that you will not be assigned the top officials during the HS Basketball season and coach your team accordingly.

Or, let the kids play with their middle school and don't schedule tournaments until the AAU season begins in March, and the better officials will be available.