Let's see how many honest replies I get. Your son or daughter is on the varsity basketball team.He/she is probably the 9th or 10th "man". You are an official. Do you go to your offspring's games, or do you ref your schedule? There is a guy around here that says "He probably won't play anyway, so I'm doing my games". He even wants to do the two games he has with his son's team, for the same reason, "What's the differece, he won't play anyway"! His partner has called me to fill those 2 games, and I was to fill the other 20 or so until the father decided otherwise. How have you folks handled it. I know what I would do.
(He also had a daughter that graduated 3 years ago, she was the starting point guard, he went to almost all her games)

[Edited by zebra44 on Dec 23rd, 2004 at 03:50 PM]

Your kid is only in high school once. If you cannot show support now, when will it ever start? The games will be there over the next few years, your kid will not.

I'd go to as many of his games as I possibly could, whether he expects to play or not. If he's at the end of the bench, I don't want to miss him playing on the chance he gets in. In either case, he needs parental support. I can ref until I'm 60 or so. If I lighten my schedule or only do games on days when his team isn't playing, that's fine by me.

Yup.

The other thing is, if you officiate a game involving his team, you just know he's going to get in the game. You just know that's going to happen.

If I want to ref one of his games, I'll do it in the park, not if he's on the varsity.

FWIW, I'm skittish about coaching my kids above a certain age as well. If I was a high school coach, I'd think twice about staying in that position if my kid came up just because life is hard enough for them. I know there have been coaches who've shared the experience with their kids and all, but I'd like to spare them the talk from everybody else.

I guess if your kid is really, really outstanding or really, really not it's easier. So people don't question why he plays in the first instance and why he doesn't in the latter.

I was that kid, and believe me, it meant a ton to have my parents at the games they came to. Go to the kid's games, ref on his off nights. It might mean a varsity ref needs to work some JV for a couple years, but there's nothing wrong with that either.

Adam

Go to as many games as you could and schedule your games around his.

You need to support your kids. I speak from experience (read the Tough Transition thread). It doesn’t matter if he/she is on the varsity or not, go watch your kid.

I've turned back 9 varsity games so far to watch my boy play. He is a freshman on both the JV's and Varsity. He doesn’t get a ton of varsity time (5 qtr/nite rule) but I won't miss any of it.

My scheduling committee has been great about trying to replace those games with off night games. I guess that softens the blow some, but I'd do it anyway.

Learn from my mistakes, my friends. My kid was the # 8 or 9 kid on the bench. I did other games when he was sitting the bench. He said it didn't mattter. Now I know that it did. I sent him the wrong message and I regret every second of it.
Now, after having long ago signed contracts he's a Varsity and JV wrestler. My wife or a friend tapes every move he makes and we watch his matches together when I get home from a game when I can't go to macthes. Won't do this next year, I guarantee it.

Here's one that will satisfy both parties.

See about reffing your kids games ;)

Now that one was a total joke, I do not think anyone should be put in a situation where they have a conflict of interest.

Now, my sister played ball for the high school team (JV) and my Dad who also officiates got ot some of the games, sometimes he was working the game before or the game after. But he didn't make it to every one, but he tried to get to every one he could.

If my little boy ends up playing sports (or debate or chess or violin or whatever), I will not be available to ref on the nights he has performances. Even if he's the last benchwarmer on the team, I'll be there.

Z

I officiated my boys games...when they were in middle school. My assignor said the school would be very happy to have an experienced varsity official there...as would the visiting coach. So I did it.
My boys didn't really like it though...they said I usually called more fouls on them then anyone else. You know what, they were probably right. :)
They went on to race motorcross...not play H.S. basketball...so I did not have to make the choice of officiating or watching my boys participate.

BTW, I would not have officiated their H.S. games...just for the perceived bias, real or imagined.

Zebra -- If you were asking this question regarding you and your kid, I'd answer as the others have. But I don't think it's fair to ask it for someone else. You have no idea what that dad's relationship is with the kid, and what goes on between them. It's very possible that the kid doesn't want the dad there, or that the dad shows his love and support in many other ways. If the kid isn't playing much, maybe it's because he's there primarily for the exercise, and the competition isn't that big a deal to him. I really think you have to just respect the guy's privacy and not butt into his business, unless he asks.

Where did you get the inference that I was going to "butt into his business"? I know what other officials in his position did around here, and the consensus is with the above posters. I merely wanted to get a broader scope of opinions, to see if his plan was deemed "acceptable".

While I don't imagine I'd do as this guy is doing, I would be slow to categorize his plan as unacceptable.

Why am I getting pounded on this? I thought I was presenting a pretty safe inquiry. Excuse the s*** out of me.

I think no one can tell you what to do with your own kid. Some parents do not put a premium on sports and their academics are more important. After all these are just games. I know that I did not expect my parents to go to every game. They had jobs and other responsibilities. My Mom would go to home games, but never went to away games unless they were really close. This is really your call, not ours. I have no problem if you officiate the same night your kid is playing. I also would understand if you did not want to officiate. It just depends on your relationship with your kids and what you value as a family. Is Mom going to be there? That might be enough. There are so many different variables to this. Do what you feel comfortable with and if nothing else have this conversation with your kid. As Juulie said, it might not be as important for you to be there.

Peace

I wondered what all the commotion was about here, so I went back and re-read the original post. Don't know how this statement was missed, but until now, it went right over my head.

I will stand by my statement, that I will watch my kid's games at (almost) any cost. But certainly wouldn't condem anyone for, or push them to make a different decision, especially if I'm in line to get the games. I've got to give Juulie credit for sending me back to the start.

Maybe it's just too many years on the School Board, but this looks like a possible conflict of interest to me.

JMHO Everybody keep smilin' !!

Blackhawk

I think I am very well qualified to comment about this subject at this time.

Our sons are 14 (freshmen in H.S.) and 11 (6th grade) and both started taking swimming lessons when they were about 9 mon. old at the YMCA and they started playing team sports in the YMCA with pre-school basketball and added baseball when they entered elementary school. When they were in 2nd grade they started swimming for the Toledo YMCA Swim Team. When they turned 9 yrs old they started playing Toledo Park & Rec. basketball and baseball. The 11 yr old started playing football when 9 yrs old. Now that our older son is in H.S. he has stopped playing basketball (even though I think he would have made the freshmen team) to concentrate on swimming and baseball.

I do plan my officiating schedule, for the most part, around their basketball, baseball, and football games, as well as their swimming meets. Since I make every effort to schedule around the games and meets they have a different take on my officiating. They look upon my officiating as the same as them competing in their games and they have told me many times to go officiate. I have probably seen well over 99% of their basketball games, 90% of their baseball games, 100% of our younger son's football games, and over half of their swim meets. My scheduling of games around sporting events also applies to their school events such as band concerts, plays and other school functions.

My advice is this: family comes first. Children grow up too fast, which means that parents grow old sooner than they expected they would.

Things sure vary in different parts of the country. In my area, if you have a kid on a school team, you just let your assignor know the dates you are unavailable to referee (the schedules are out early, and usually the assignors know the schedules before the refs or kids). I had the problem of a Freshman trying out and not knowing if he would make the team or not. It was understood that if he made the team, I would be unavailable for his home games and most of his away games. So, I got my schedule based on this (he made the team). However, we get games year by year (not several years in advance) and we do not sign any contracts.

We are allowed to referee at any schoool, even if we have children at that school. It is rare that a ref would officiate his own kid's game (basically never) but he may work the other levels, or gender. I will miss having a full basketball schedule to officiate, but I wil enjoy watching my son play (whether he be a starter or bench player). These next four years will go by fast and then I'll resume my usual work load.

Blackhawk957, I wasn't condemning him because I feel I was robbed of games. I think this is what you are alluding to. I guess I was vague about the point of his deciding to miss his son's games only after he realized he wouldn't be playing much. Until he saw the "depth chart" he had planned on being there for his kid.

I was that 10th kid on my high school basketball team. My parents came to a few of my games and watched me keep the stat sheet. Don't know that I would have preferred they attended more. They spent a lot of time with me in other activities - debate team and church groups.

Most of the money I make officiating goes into 529 college plans for my son and for my niece. I guess my point is that it is not quite so easy a decision.

i schedule my officiating around my daughters games (fr/jv) wouldnt miss it for the world! i always stay for the varsity game to watch the officiating, most of the guys i know and worked camps with, but it never fails that i end up setting next to the parents that whine the most about the officials. it just reasures me that these parents dont have a clue most of the time!

Zeb, I wasn't trying to start a pig pile. I don't approve of them. The question you asked is an interesting one, and very pertinent to most of us who have children.

I just think we shouldn't pig pile onto your ref person who ins't going to his kids games. It may be out of line for him, but we can't know that. I have always tried to strike the balance between the importance of my kids activities and the importance of my reffing. The way I balance those might look wrong to someone else.

No one knows what's best, and whether I'm doing what's best, or whether your acquaintance ther is doing what's best, except for a very few people who know the family well. I think that privacy is something every family deserves.

I editted to add this in. I see now what you're driving at. This does change the perspective a little. "If the kid's not a star, then wth." Even so, it may be that the kid himself is embarassed and doesn't want the dad there. Does seem kinda strange, though.

[Edited by rainmaker on Dec 24th, 2004 at 12:04 PM]

Around here, we have HS game 4 or 5 nights a week, so for me it would be fairly easy to take the nights off when my daughter would be playing and still work a reasonable (10-12 game) schedule. Plus, I could still work my college Saturday games.

But if I could only choose one, I'd have to choose to be there for my kid. I can't believe anybody wouldn't. . . :confused:

Officiating is more of a hobby for most of us(I think most). Just think of it that way.

Our state has a rule that you CANNOT officiate any VARSITY contest in which a family member is a participant. If you do you are suspended for one year.
Also, teachers may not officiate the VARSITY games of their own school.

I think there are two messages that you can send here -- one, get to a bunch of games since you're kid is participating. Two, you can also send a message that while you think your kids' games are important, that you have a life too and aren't going to give back your ENTIRE schedule.

My parents didn't come to a lot of my games. They worked and I understood. For many of us, officiating is an important part of our lives and while we'll cut back, it's doubtful we will give up all of it for 4+ seasons.

I wouldn't condemn either decision, in other words. It's very personal.

I officiated a GV game last year at the local high school. My stepdaughters, one a freshman at this school the other an 8th grader, came to watch. After calling 2 PC fouls on the home teams best player the home crowd did not like me very much (I am relatively new to the town so they don't know me). When I got home my wife told me the girls asked her why I was trying to hurt their team. It is the last game I will do at this school until both graduate!

First...everyone is different and have to make decisions based on their own relationships, family needs, etc.

For me it is very easy. I WILL attend every competition for my daughter's sqaud (competitive cheerleading) just like I attended every one of my son's marching contest when he was in high school.

I am just getting back to officiating after taking a year of because off my job. The assignor for our chapter has not had a chance to see me work or get to know me. When I received my updated schedule he had given me a varsity game on a day where I am to be watching my daughter (only varsity game on my schedule so far). Without blinking an eye, I called and turned the game back.

When I interviewed for this job two years ago, during the last interview I told them that I would need to be off when my children had competitions, school programs, etc. It was not negotiable. For me...nothing short of being too ill to physically make the event...will keep me from watching my kids.

It seems like a lot of us are in the same situation. I have 2 sons (5 years apart) and they both played soccer and basketball -- I also officiated soccer for almost 25 years. I arranged my schedule around their schedules and it worked out just fine. If they were both playing at the same time, my wife would go to one game and I went to the other. We reversed that the next time they played on the same date.

In my association, you are not allowed to officiate at any school where you have children attending. My wife works in the guidance office at the city HS here (only 1 in town) and I do not officiate at that school. However, I have done scrimmages there. The BV coach is a friend of mine and he told me he liked it when I did the scrimmages and wished I would do some of the regular season games. I told him I just wouldn't feel right about it.