Yes sports fans, as I type, the infamous Dave is visiting in my office and is looking over my shoulder. I wish he would have taken a Certs first. Ouch - he just smacked me.

Anyway, since he refuses to participate from home, I have persuaded him to add a few words here. I have asked him to relate his favorite "Dave." Take it away, oh wise one.

Thanks, Mark. Actually, you guys can't tell, but I type about half as fast as he does so this is taking some time. He said he would correct my spelling before clicking.

I guess if I had to pick one, it would be the time I called a technical on a kid for profanity. Even though it wasn't directed at me, it was really loud and really bad. It was a JV game and the gym was pretty full. I made a foul call on him and it was his fifth. He yelled the "F" word.

When I reported it to the scorer, his coach asked me what he said. I just told him it was profanity. He kept pushing me to tell him exactly what the kid said. Finally, just to get him off my back, I told him. I said, "He said that word that starts with "F" and ends in "UCK" and it's not "FIRETRUCK".

Believe it or not, he didn't think it was funny. I still do.

OK, my fingers are getting tired, so here's Mark (big freaking deal).

Gee Dave, that was exciting (not). Too bad we don't have a chat room here - or a webcam. Actually, viewers might think Hannibal screened a day early. Ouch, he hit me again. I'm calling my Mom.

Encore! Encore!!!

Dave
Last year I had to replace an official at the big break in a regional semi-final as he was injured.

I called the first foul in the 2nd half after about 40 seconds of play. I was lead and as I came around the players to indicate the foul to the scoretable the coach yelled at me to be consistent. Now you could not mistake me for either of the officials who started the game.

I said to the coach "Give me a break coach don`t I have to make at least 2 calls before it can be inconsistency." He looked at me in a puzzled way. These guys I am sure are programmed pregame to say their little quips every 30 secs.

Malcolm --

I thought I had a good stupid coach story on Monday, but this definitely gets the Dunce Cap of the Year Award!!

Malcolm-

At least he didn't ask for the other guy!!!

I think that some coaches and fans have a pull string, like those old kids dolls. Pull the string, and it randomly generates a series of complaints about the officiating. One more pull and he would have said "call it both ways," "over the back," "three seconds," "reaching in," or "traveling."

You forgot "gettemoffem", "he's alloverem", "whatdoyacallthat" and "yougottabekiddenme".