humor help needed

[A Pennsylvania Coach]

I just got a call from the founder of our company, making a Hall of Fame speech in a couple of days, looking for sports-related humor. Anecdotes, one-liners, etc. Bball, football, and baseball. Anybody have anything to share or any resources to provide? Thanks in advance.

[ChuckElias]

Dan, you want to give him Mickey's number? Or maybe some of Artie's jokes?

[Dan_ref]

Originally posted by ChuckElias
Dan, you want to give him Mickey's number? Or maybe some of Artie's jokes?

"...and you, you're xxxx Goofy."

[TriggerMN]

My mother always told me there was one idiot at every ball game. I couldn't find him.

[ChuckElias]

Originally posted by Dan_ref
"...and you, you're xxxx Goofy."

I admit we had dinner, but I did NOT spend the night!

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by A Pennsylvania Coach
I just got a call from the founder of our company, making a Hall of Fame speech in a couple of days, looking for sports-related humor. Anecdotes, one-liners, etc. Bball, football, and baseball. Anybody have anything to share or any resources to provide? Thanks in advance.

Coach, I'd really like to help you out. But I never talk to anyone anymore except refs, (and my family but they don't think sports are funny!). How would I know what anyone else thinks is funny?

Here's a great joke, which is probably true, but I doubt anyone but refs in Portland, Oregon or the NBA would get it.

At our PBOA banquet, a manager-type person from the Blazers came to give a little talk. He started off by saying somethig about how he never had to talk to refs so he wasn't sure what to say, so he asked different people in the organization what he should say. When Rasheed Wallace was asked how to talk to the refs, he replied, "You just put your head down like this and keep saying, "No comment. No comment."

[Dan_ref]

Cute one liner:

I play in the over-40 basketball league. We don't have jump balls. The ref just puts the ball on the floor and whoever can bend over and pick it up gets possession.

[DownTownTonyBrown]

Originally posted by TriggerMN
My mother always told me there was one idiot at every ball game. I couldn't find him.

You should have checked the Sports Announcer.

[Damian]

Good for any setting.


When you get to a fork in the road, you should take it.

[Mark Padgett]

Following another loss in the Tampa Bay Buccaneer's first season, head coach John McKay was asked by the media about his team's execution.

"I'm in favor of it", he replied.

[mick]

(paraphrased)
Whitey Ford's first three pitches went for hits.
Casey Stengel walked out and asked Yogi, "Whatsa matter? He doesn't have his stuff tonight?"
Yogi answered, "I dunno. I haven't caught one yet."

[mick]

Packer All-pros Dave Robinson and Ray Nitchke chased the great Jim Brown to the left side and each defender grabbed a leg. While Brown was in the air going backwards he heard Nitchke say, "Make a wish."

[NICK]

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas. " They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

[theboys]

One of my favorites:

Shelby Metcalf, former basketball coach at Texas A&M, when told by one of his players that the player had four F's and one D: "Son, I believe you're spending too much time on one class".

[dblref]

Originally posted by DownTownTonyBrown

You should have checked the Sports Announcer.

KAAAAZINGGGGGGGG! Great shot, DTTB.