We're there to manage a game, though, and sometimes "not being there" for a few seconds serves to de-escalate situations. So does quickly putting the ball back in play.

The technical foul isn't the first or only tool in the toolbox.

I don't disagree with that at all, and I'm not saying I hunt for eye contact with a guy. But I'm not going to avoid eye contact all game with everyone just to make these guys who think they're in the NBA happy.

A lot of things are said and done in the heat of the moment, and unless those things are entirely out of line, I don't think there's a problem trying to avoid them. Not making eye contact could do that. Take the following examples (which come just off the top of my head, so might not be the best cases)...

1. While heading to the table to report a shooting foul against Team A, out of the corner of your eye you can see the head coach for Team A looking at you. By the look you can tell that he's not happy with the call, but he's not doing anything else like yelling or waving his arms angrily.

In this case I don't see a problem with looking at the coach and letting him know that you'll be there to speak with him after reporting the foul.

2. While heading to the table to report a shooting foul against Team A, out of the corner of your eye you can see the head coach for Team A angrily looking at you and shaking his head.

In this case it might be a good idea to avoid looking back at the coach, as his anger could increase resulting in him doing or saying something that any official would tag him for. The angry look and shaking of his head, in and of itself, is not t-worthy in my opinion, so why do anything that could simply "add fuel to the fire"? If he wants to talk about it then he can call me over in a respectful manner. I'm not going to react to him while he's acting like a child throwing a temper tantrum.

3. While heading to the table to report a shooting foul against Team A, out of the corner of your eye you can see the head coach for Team A has an angry look on his face, and at the same time he's yelling "you've got to be kidding me" while waiving his arms wildly in the air in exasperation of the call.

In this case I'm reporting the foul, then calling a TF on the coach. I don't have to look at him, as he should know that he stepped over the line. If he really wants to talk to me, then he's going to wait until he calms down and calls me over in a respectful manner. IMO, looking at him while calling the tech could push him over the edge and lead to another tech/ejection, and I want to give him a chance to avoid that.

You guys are providing great examples with regard to a coach. The OP was about intramural/wreck players. There are many liberties that I'll extend to the former that I won't allow for the latter.

"just to make these guys who think they're in the NBA happy"

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I sense a bit of a shoulder chip in this phrase.

You're probably right about that. I've been doing wreck league all season and those guys are wearing me out. They've been watching too much NBA and think it's okay to act like the superstars they see whining about every call. I'm well aware that I'll miss many calls over the course of the season, but I am 100% certain I don't miss every single call. The league I ref for does a piss poor job of discouraging technicals (they have to sit out 1 min of game time, and a half if they are ejected-- no limit to ejections or techs over the course of the season) so I guess my frustration with that is starting to boil over. I'm to the point now that we let them know in the pregame meeting (this mandate was put into place halfway through the season because they've had 2x the number of T's that they had last year) that it's basically an automatic technical if they're whining about a call.

My leeway in a HS game for a coach is substantially higher than that for some guy who plays once a week and pisses and moans and stares me down about a travel call because he thinks a eurostep means he gets 4 steps.

One reason I simply don't do rec ball. I'd give Ts out like candy thrown from a Halloween parade float.

I won't do it next year, but I have a wedding/honeymoon as well as a trip to the east coast for a marathon to pay for this summer so I'm basically taking anything that anyone throws at me.

Ha, If your the one getting married you will never be able to quit….:) You'll just be paying for something else next year…and the year after….and after….:)

If the people giving you games like what they see, then I wouldn't worry about the players so much. You're new, they'll adjust as they realize you don't take their crap. They're like fourth graders with a substitute teacher.

Stop bragging!!:D

What race?

Good practice for the future. ;)

There are exception, but the vast majority of the time if a coach is staring me down he's going to be ignored. I'll manipulate a coach into showing at least some respect. I'm not going to reward a coach for being a clown with the wonderful words that always come out of my mouth.

Mad Marathon in Vermont, then hopefully Boston the following April.

Yep...keep the game moving. Don't let moments linger.

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