If they even know my first name, I do not respond by my first name to children or in this profession. I do not call them by their first name, so do not call me by mine. It is a respect thing for me. We are not equals.

Peace

I'll totally use a first name with a player, if I know it. If it's a senior captain I've watched for 4 years, and I need his help ("Hey, Sam, talk to 23 for me, he's close to a T and he's not listening to me") this is going to be WAY more effective. Building relationships with players that can be helpful to both of us is one of my favorite things about being a varsity basketball official.

There's no particularly strong tradition of verbal forms of address in basketball. In soccer, amateur players are expected to call the Referee "Sir"; failing to do so IS a sign of disrespect, but only because it's a "failure to act in the expected mode of respect." That's just not a thing in basketball, at least not here in Washington. "Come on, Ref" in the wrong tone and with some flailing arms is far more disrespectful than "Hey Nathan, why's that a travel?" in my book.

If a player pays enough attention to know my first name, well, more power to 'em. I introduce myself by it every game.

A Sixty-Two Year Old Billy ???
 

I've always introduced my self using both my first, and last, names. "Hi, I'm Bill M...". Anybody can use either name to address me. In thirty-first years, I've never had a player call me any name other than, "Ref". Coaches either call me "Ref", "Bill", "Billy", or "Mac".

I actually prefer Billy, or Mac, nicknames I was called called in high school. On the basketball court I was called "Big Mac". Six feet tall was considered big back then.

I agree...I don't get all offended if a colleague introduces the crew by first name or if a kid says it (to date, no one ever has). But I am generally not on a first name basis with minors and won't be introducing myself to them as if we are equals. It's not arrogant or narcissistic or any other silly characterization - it's just my preference. YMMV.

That sounds like great advice! Mind if I copy you and do that myself?

I will say it was a bit distracting when Coach A added my first name before each "comment" to me every time up and down the court. Had to use the "need you to pick your spots, coach."


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The problem here isn't that he used your name but that he had a comment every time up and down the court.

Completely agree. It was just worse with my name included each time.


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It is convenient that your last name is LastName, seems pretty easy to remember.

In my neck of the woods we introduce ourselves by first name at the captains meeting along with head coaches. We try to address players as Men and Ladies (or some combination). At the end of the day, being a part of high school athletics is a great way to help build the future generation. We expect respect and I think if you personally feel respect is calling you Mr. or Miss ________, then thats your business. I also realize the longer I do this, different generations have different viewpoints based on their upbringing and culture/society around them.

I was in a very poor area last Friday doing a game. Some of the comments and attitudes that were displayed that night, I wasn't very excited about. However, I also recognize that this coach had her hands full. So I decided to be more patient and talk with players more to try and help work through some of these things. It was a different approach than I might have taken other nights when I felt they were being disrespectful. You might think thats wrong, but to me, there is a bigger picture here in why we do this.

I had a coach all over me in the first few minutes of a game this season. She thought she saw a travel and I was at C right in front of her bench. She asks, "Are you watching their feet?" I ignore it. Then she adds, in a tone so condescending I can't express it through this post, "SIR?!?!"

If it had been later in the game I would've whacked her then and there. Fortunately a dead ball happened a second later, I went over to the table, told the scorer "Warning, red coach, 5:20 (I made that time up, I don't actually remember) first quarter."

Didn't hear a word the rest of the game.

This.

I think people get too caught up in how we're addressed. Showing respect doesn't require calling me "Mr. xxx" or "Ref" or "sir." Respect is in the tone, and the accompanying actions.

I introduce myself as "Adam" to coaches and captains, so why should I get all twisted up if they actually address me by name?

Dealing with kids, around here, Mr. _______ is the norm, and is what I expect and prefer, along with yes sir and no sir. BUT, in my opinion this is an issue for the parents, not me, and is not something I would attempt to control during the game.

Dealing with coaches, I use my first and last name and I'm not greatly concerned by what they call me, even though some of them may fit my current definition of "kids." (under 30ish)

Yes, they do.

I work with a lot of narcissistic a-holes then. The whole South must be full of them.

Coaches and players have never had a problem addressing me without knowing either my first or last name. I think a lot of officials have an exaggerated sense of how memorable they are to the players and coaches. I ran into a player at the barber shop the other day, a player I have ref'd frequently through his HS career. It wasn't "Hey Mr. Ref", it was "don't ref basketball?". These folks forget us as soon as we leave the gym. Whether or not they know my name is of little consequence to them, me, or my career.