Has a player ever called you by your first name?
 

Season is almost over, but of course something new just had to come up so I'm asking you for advice once again:

Warming up for the boy's JV game and the scorer's table is trying to get the game ball to me. They hand the ball to a player who calls "Josh!" and when I turn around he passes me the ball.

I shot him a look and replied, "Thank you, number 15!"

He knew what I meant right away. "Oops. Sorry, Ref."

Has this ever happened to you, and what have you done about it?

My name's not Josh, so I'd probably be confused.

If they said, "Hey, Rich!"?

I'd say, "Thanks" and not think twice about it.

At my very first HS game, my partner introduced us as "Bob and Chuck". Of course as a raw rookie I wasn't going to say anything, but I thought it was odd. We are adults, they are kids (students). They would never call their teachers or coaches by first name, so why us?

I've been doing this almost 30 years and I introduce myself as Rich.

These threads never go anywhere -- opinion is split on whether a "child" should call an adult by a first name. Some feel it's no big deal. Others think it is. Perhaps I should link to an older thread and then close this one.

My partners and I always introduce ourselves by our first names.

What's the problem?

BTW, if you want to be like that, then we are officials. There is only one "referee" and two "umpires" on an officiating crew.

At the varsity level, I address the captains by their first names (yes, I memorize them) and I permit them to call me by mine. Most of them are 18 years old and are young adults anyway. I also address all coaches by their first names and expect them to use mine.
I look at the whole issue as one of mutual respect.

I have to wonder what some of the older generation thinks of sharing the same roads with these young drivers and voting in the same elections as these young citizens.

Who cares. If they call me by my first name I'm fine with that. I introduce myself as such. When partners go on about "I'm Mr. so and so and he's Mr. so and so" you might as well introduce the crew as a$$ and holes.

If I know a coach's first name and we are chatting I will call him by that. I have a name and expect it to get used.

I agree. I always address captains by their first names. However, I do not use first names with coaches in basketball. I do in football, but on the basketball court it is always just "coach."

It doesn't bother me at all if anyone uses my first name. Why would that offend me?

I'd go with self-absorbed and narcissistic, but that works.

I couldn't care less what a person calls me. How they say it is a different story.

Well played.


I'm glad to hear that this isn't a big deal. I could be overly sensitive here because we know most of the kids, and I'm only a few years older than the players so I'm always extra careful to avoid the appearance of favoritism.

Put me in the category that doesn't care. I don't think it's a big deal

No. I have always introduced myself and my partner(s) as Mr. Last Name here.

MTD, Sr.

I'm going to throw you all for a loop...
I address the athletes as Mr. and Miss, but tell them they can call me by my first name (because my last name is an odd one).

I actually encourage the Hot Moms to call me by my nickname - "Studmuffin". Unfortunately, in all the years, I never got called by that even once - especially not by my wife. :(

There is not a single player I officiate who knows my first name. I'm not from here (brought here by the military), neither of my kids play(ed) HS basketball, and any kid in the neighborhood knows me as Mr. LastName.

If they even know my first name, I do not respond by my first name to children or in this profession. I do not call them by their first name, so do not call me by mine. It is a respect thing for me. We are not equals.

Peace

I'll totally use a first name with a player, if I know it. If it's a senior captain I've watched for 4 years, and I need his help ("Hey, Sam, talk to 23 for me, he's close to a T and he's not listening to me") this is going to be WAY more effective. Building relationships with players that can be helpful to both of us is one of my favorite things about being a varsity basketball official.

There's no particularly strong tradition of verbal forms of address in basketball. In soccer, amateur players are expected to call the Referee "Sir"; failing to do so IS a sign of disrespect, but only because it's a "failure to act in the expected mode of respect." That's just not a thing in basketball, at least not here in Washington. "Come on, Ref" in the wrong tone and with some flailing arms is far more disrespectful than "Hey Nathan, why's that a travel?" in my book.

If a player pays enough attention to know my first name, well, more power to 'em. I introduce myself by it every game.

A Sixty-Two Year Old Billy ???
 

I've always introduced my self using both my first, and last, names. "Hi, I'm Bill M...". Anybody can use either name to address me. In thirty-first years, I've never had a player call me any name other than, "Ref". Coaches either call me "Ref", "Bill", "Billy", or "Mac".

I actually prefer Billy, or Mac, nicknames I was called called in high school. On the basketball court I was called "Big Mac". Six feet tall was considered big back then.

I agree...I don't get all offended if a colleague introduces the crew by first name or if a kid says it (to date, no one ever has). But I am generally not on a first name basis with minors and won't be introducing myself to them as if we are equals. It's not arrogant or narcissistic or any other silly characterization - it's just my preference. YMMV.

That sounds like great advice! Mind if I copy you and do that myself?

I will say it was a bit distracting when Coach A added my first name before each "comment" to me every time up and down the court. Had to use the "need you to pick your spots, coach."


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The problem here isn't that he used your name but that he had a comment every time up and down the court.

Completely agree. It was just worse with my name included each time.


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It is convenient that your last name is LastName, seems pretty easy to remember.

In my neck of the woods we introduce ourselves by first name at the captains meeting along with head coaches. We try to address players as Men and Ladies (or some combination). At the end of the day, being a part of high school athletics is a great way to help build the future generation. We expect respect and I think if you personally feel respect is calling you Mr. or Miss ________, then thats your business. I also realize the longer I do this, different generations have different viewpoints based on their upbringing and culture/society around them.

I was in a very poor area last Friday doing a game. Some of the comments and attitudes that were displayed that night, I wasn't very excited about. However, I also recognize that this coach had her hands full. So I decided to be more patient and talk with players more to try and help work through some of these things. It was a different approach than I might have taken other nights when I felt they were being disrespectful. You might think thats wrong, but to me, there is a bigger picture here in why we do this.

I had a coach all over me in the first few minutes of a game this season. She thought she saw a travel and I was at C right in front of her bench. She asks, "Are you watching their feet?" I ignore it. Then she adds, in a tone so condescending I can't express it through this post, "SIR?!?!"

If it had been later in the game I would've whacked her then and there. Fortunately a dead ball happened a second later, I went over to the table, told the scorer "Warning, red coach, 5:20 (I made that time up, I don't actually remember) first quarter."

Didn't hear a word the rest of the game.

This.

I think people get too caught up in how we're addressed. Showing respect doesn't require calling me "Mr. xxx" or "Ref" or "sir." Respect is in the tone, and the accompanying actions.

I introduce myself as "Adam" to coaches and captains, so why should I get all twisted up if they actually address me by name?

Dealing with kids, around here, Mr. _______ is the norm, and is what I expect and prefer, along with yes sir and no sir. BUT, in my opinion this is an issue for the parents, not me, and is not something I would attempt to control during the game.

Dealing with coaches, I use my first and last name and I'm not greatly concerned by what they call me, even though some of them may fit my current definition of "kids." (under 30ish)

Yes, they do.

I work with a lot of narcissistic a-holes then. The whole South must be full of them.

Coaches and players have never had a problem addressing me without knowing either my first or last name. I think a lot of officials have an exaggerated sense of how memorable they are to the players and coaches. I ran into a player at the barber shop the other day, a player I have ref'd frequently through his HS career. It wasn't "Hey Mr. Ref", it was "don't ref basketball?". These folks forget us as soon as we leave the gym. Whether or not they know my name is of little consequence to them, me, or my career.

Point taken. It's not that I care if you introduce yourself as Mr. BNR. It's more I'm boggled by people who's self-worth crumbles because a "child" who apparently isn't their "equal" calls them by their first name.

I think a lot of people, officials included, have an exaggerated sense of self. Which is most likely the problem in the OP. I'm not sure how being memorable is a bad thing when being memorable gives you a better chance at playoff games.

Coaches and players have nothing to do with HS play-off assignments here in VA, so being memorable to them is of no consequence.

Coaches matter here. Players don't.

Wow!!!!!!

So are you saying that you don't respond to any children that call you by your first name or your own children?

Yes, you are correct. Some kids do and some coaches allow it.

If somebody calls me by my first name, I couldn't care less. I'm not too big time to be offended by it nor do I think I'm better than anybody.

Perfectly said!!!!!!!!!

My kids know better than to address an adult by their first name, unless they put Mr. or Miss in front of it. My 41 year-old wife addresses elders in the same manner.

It just the way some people were raised, and continue to be raised. There is nothing wrong with it. I have never heard a HS or college player address their coach by first name, it always "Coach", or "Coach So-n-so".

And it is definitely not acceptable around here for students to address teachers by their first names. A young man who graduated with my older son is now a substitute teacher at my younger son's school. My son wanted to show off one day when I was there and said "Hey FirstName" when the man happened to walk into the office. I made it perfectly clear that when they are on school grounds he will be addressed as "Mr. Evans".

Did I miss a post where someone said there was something wrong with calling people Mr. or Mrs. or Miss???

It is admirable that you raised your kids that way. For the record, I did, too. But that has diddly squat to do with the original post in this thread.

Simple Question: If/when a player addresses you as "Hey, Bad" (since I have no idea what your first name is), how do/will you respond?

Petty. True respect isn't in a name.

Go to a school these days, many of the teachers now having kids calling them by their first name. Guess which teachers have obviously more respect from their classroom?

While once upon a time, it was a social thing to address people by their last names. Heck, friends did it to each other all the time. It's been antiquated. Now, often, older people are just pegged as being on a power trip. It has very little with people showing others' respect, nowadays.

I saw the posts where people who introduce themselves as Mr. or Miss are considered to be A-holes and narcissistic, so my response is in that context.

When I say no player knows my first name, I'm dead serious. I am not part of any of the local sports circles, my only connection is that I officiate basketball. I don't have any close friends who have kids who play in my leagues. I'm a military brat and spent 22 years in the military myself. It is very easy to for me to be disconnected.

If a player addressed me by first name I probably would not even realize he was speaking to me, I would just assume he was calling out to a teammate. But it has never happened, and the Asperger's in me doesn't allow me to worry about hypotheticals. :)

BTW, just got a tornado warning, have to evacuate to a secure room.

I should've listened to my first instinct on this thread.

Are you trying to tell me what's going on in the schools that I'm inside of every year? Are you that arrogant to tell me what's going on where I live?

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I do not respond to people that I feel are being disrespectful. I come from an age and honestly a culture where that is not OK. If that bothers you, that is not my problem. And we are not even talking about a situation that is a social setting where there might be modifications to that. I work in my business and I call people by their last name unless they are very specifically giving me permission to call them by their first name. If they are of a certain age that still is hard for me to do because that is what I taught to show respect.

Peace

I also have 2 supervisors whom I always address as Mr. I could work the Final Four and that wouldn't change for these 2 individuals.

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If we are going to say that adults who have teenagers and minors address them by their last names are a-holes, self absorbed, and/or narcissists whose self worth crumbles when children address them by their first name then I'm going to say that adults who allow teenagers and minors to call them by their first name are immature, low self-esteem, losers who crave the attention and the social acceptance of children.

Ignorant generalizations can cut both ways.

Personally, I do not allow players or other children to call me just by my first name. But It's not a big deal really. And the only time I really think about it is when its brought up on this forum.

My view was shaped by the way I was raised, and probably more significantly, its what I prefer based on my experiences that include coaching HS basketball, running youth sports leagues and other recreation programs, and being a HS classroom teacher in my early, mid, and late 20s. At the time it made me feel old to be called Coach or Mr. "my last name" so I was usually called Mr. "last initial." When I coached I was in my early 20s and I think some of the players may have referred to me as Coach "first name and one of my 7 year daughter's friends refers to me now as Mr. "first name."

In the grand scheme of things I don't give this much thought but my personal opinion is that kids are not my peers and there are some boundaries, expectations, and structures that adults should have in their interactions with kids, which includes how we are addressed. That's for me and my kids. If others have varying opinions that's all well and good and I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

We do are captain's and coaches meetings separately here in VA. I hear some partners introduce themselves by their first names and some as Mr. so and so. Me, I don't say my name at all. I don't see the need.

Again, at the end of the day this is a personal choice that is not all that important to me. But some of the generalizations that are always made when this topic comes up here are just silly.

Only Three Subjects, Huntin', Gruntin', And Cave Painting ...
 

Many (not all) coaches at the high school that my kids attended, and participated in several sports, had their players address them by, "Coach Firstname", i.e., "Coach Bob". It was never just, "Firstname", it was always preceded by, "Coach". No way it would be like that when I went to high school back the mid twentieth century.

I guess what is acceptable varies in different parts of the country and varies among families. To each his own.

I don't take myself that seriously to where I need to be addressed as Mr. I do agree that teachers and coaches should be referred to as Mr. or Coach. As a referee I don't care. I also don't care in every day life if I am addressed as Mr.

I have to agree, but to each his own.

I think it varies depending on where you live. I doubt anybody has any doubt as to what you are seeing on a day to day basis.

I know where I live it's different.

I'm not bothered by it. I just find it hard to believe that you or anybody else feels like they are being disrespected when someone calls them by their first name. We, you and I both included, are not that important.

So if a child that hasn't learned what you deem to be "respect" and calls you by your first name, how do you react? I just don't see it as that big of a deal. None of us are that important and I don't need the ego boost.

Although in pre-game conf with team captains and coaches, I have introduced the crew by first names---during the game coaches and players have always called me "ref".
I'd be surprised if they even rem'berd my first name--let alone if they remembered anything at all that I told them in our 10 second pre-game conf.

+1. Coaches will address me by my first name, players have no clue really.

I would not...in a million, billion years (EVER) call someone petty who tried to teach their kids respect/discipline. Take a trip to your local courthouse. Excessive respect/discipline is not the problem.

I did not say anything about disrespected, I said it is disrespectful. There is kind of a difference and one that fits my values. I do not put children on the same level as adults. Just like when I was in school I called the professors, "Professor Johnson" as opposed to "Robert" who I might have known them by their first name because in some cases I knew them personally because of what my mom did. I always showed them respect for their position and did not cross that line.

Again, if you want to go around letting kids call you by your first name, go ahead. But as someone said I really do not have to think about these issues because it appears that other seem to feel the same way and do not call adults by their first names where I officiate. But again we have a lot of parents and adults that think they need to be the "friends" of children. But that is a bigger issue than this one we are discussing now.

Peace

Yup, my instincts were right. Same posts, different month.