I wanted to kick my assignor this weekend

[Julio Caliente]

This weekend my assignor paired with a guy that needed lots and lots of help for two games out of my 10. My assignor actually said "I am sorry to pair you with guy, but we are in a pinch for umps and I only call this guy when I am short. Keep an eye on him and try to not let him screw up too bad." To my assignors credit he was filling in when we had gaps (4 games rained out the night before caused havoc in the schedule) and he isn't a spring chicken. Anyways, five brief things of some of this guys "issues":

1) I am the PU on a game that was on the field prior to the one I was working with him on and the game was going long and is in the 5th inning. The home team is in the field while the pitcher warms up, I am standing down the foul line with my mask under my arm counting pitches, and this guys walks onto the field, sets his canteen down, and says "You must be Frank, I am supposed to work this game with you. I was told that I had plate but since you are already in your gear you can do it if you want." I bit my lip before I asked him WTF he was thinking when I said " We are still in the 5th inning of the game prior to yours, we are behind schedule and will most likely be another 30-45 min. Please leave the field."

2) Terrible plate work. The only difference between his "ball motion" and "strike motion" was he put a finger out on his strike call. Yes, he put an arm out for "ball". He did yell "STEEEEEEEEERRRIKE" loud enough I am sure people across the parking lot on the LL side could hear. As one coach put it "He sure is enthusiastic".

3) Next game he is the BU, R2 and the F1 picks up and turns on his pivot foot to pick to 2nd; however, he didn't make it around and his foot landed point towards F5. I call a balk and so does he. I think sweet, maybe he may know something after all. Nope, I was wrong. I called a balk because he didn't step anywhere near towards second and it was blatantly obvious from the plate. BU starts to tell the pitcher that once he picks up he has to go to the plate. I stop him before says another word and tell the pitcher that when he picks to a base he must step towards that base. BU says in between innings "I thought you could only spin when you pick at 2nd base."

4) Wanted to come talk to me in between every inning and even proceeded to talk to the fans in the stands behind home plate. When I was a getting a drink from my bottle of water a girl came over to the fence and asked me "Can you tell him to stop coming over to talk to me. He is creeping me out."


Lastly, my favorite.......


5) When he was BU he refused to wear a hat. When I asked him about it he said, "My hair is a too short for a hat. They just don't work for me." I just shook my head and walked away.


When I my assignor saw me at the end of the games he was laughing and asked me "How did it go?" I laughed and told him if he ever puts me with him again I would kick him in the nuts.

* edited because I brain farted on my nomenclature... my bad. It was early when I wrote this