Coaching Comedics
 

JR12's post gave me an idea. It's raining here in Cleveland (and I'm bored).

What kinds of comments have you heard from coaches during games that just made you stop and laugh? (We all know the morons and what they, but now and then a well-done quip just works well - and just might keep the offeror from being tossed!)

Manager yells, "FOUL, OUT OF PLAY".
(In fact, it was but he was louder than me.)

Head Coach yells at the Manager, "YOU WANT TO LET BLUE CALL THAT MARK?"

Me=laughing.

I had thrown my hands up about to yell BALK when I hear, MUCH louder than I would have called this one, "THAT's a BALK!!!!!" come from the dugout. After a heartbeat, I realize it was the defensive coach. I restrain the laughter and simply say, "Yes it was," and point at 3rd (there was an R2). His own parents/fans gave him enough that I didn't need to. I'm cleaning the plate to get my laughter under control and F2 says, very softly, "Yeah - he's excitable that way."

"Time!"

"Hey, that's the best call you've made all night"

Batter fouls the ball of the plate, under the catcher who had stood up and up into a rather a rather painful meeting with a delicate part of my anatomy (yes I was wearing a jock and it still hurt).

After a minute or so while I get my breath back the D coach comes out of the dugout and yells "Hey ump was that a strike or a baaaallllllllll!"

F2 and the Batter sure thought that was funny.

the trick is to put a cup inside the jock, then it won't hurt so much next time:D

Once had a catcher get so frustrated with his pitcher who was having a heck of a time throwing strikes that he yelled, "Come on Tim, put it right in my glove! I'm the one squatting down in front of the umpire!"

I had to call time to clear my eyes because I was crying from laughing. The coach took the time to talk to the catcher about using only positive comments.

I don't specifically have a moment where a coach said something funny...but I did have a moment where a coach did something that made me laugh at a player...for hours.

Plate meeting (MiLB spring training game...played on a cloverleaf field):

Head coach: "All I want you to do is call strikes. If you call strikes I'll say nothing. If any of my players complain about a strike, I'll take care of it, they'll be running on the other field for the rest of the day."

Me (rookie MiLB umpire): "o.k."


Later in the game (sixth inning):

Me: "Strike Three!"
Player: "That's bullsh!t. You're F&*%in horrible!"
Head coach (running from third base coach's box): "Don't you dare say anything. You ain't here to learn how to walk. Your mother taught you how to do that when you were two. You are here to learn how to hit. Get the G.D. bat off your shoulder. Joe (the assistant coach) take him over there, now!"

Sure enough, between every half inning for the rest of the game I could see the player running windsprints on the adjoining field. First and only time in my life where a head coach ejected his own player before I could!

Player says that to me, I don't care what the coach says. He's gone for the day!

Anytime a coach starts opening their mouth and talking about a rule it is funny (to me at least).

Peace

Oh, I agree. But you have to understand MiLB spring training. There are no fines, suspensions etc., unless the ejection was truly outrageous and the PBUC had to get involved and complain to the NAPBL offices. There are also 0 fans in attendance.

It is pretty laid back for the most part. In this case I might have told the coach "he's ejected" after he sent the player over to the other field...but it didn't matter. He was done for the day, period.

Regular season: I toss him in addition to the coach removing him because the player will be fined/suspended by the league President, etc.

Now you got me laughing.

Off to the ballfield, and I'll chuckle inside when the manager wants to talk rules with me.

Now THAT is funny.

This one wasn't a coach but another ump in a 14 yr old house league game I was watching today. In the 5th inning of a 4-0 game home team starts putting in pitchers that have clearly never pitched before. half an hour later it's 25-0 and the young home plate ump is still calling a 7th game of the World Series strike zone. Veteran BU is leaving him alone for the "learning experience". It is also getting dark and quite chilly.

Finally F2 throws to F5 on a steal. Runner was safe by ten minutes but BU rings him up, then after the game we're talking and BU is shaking his head about PU and adds "as long as F5 held on to the ball I was calling that out. Heck, if he dropped the ball I'd still call him out!"

My kind of umpire!

I'd taken some pretty good shots with that cup when I was playing Goalie in hockey.

Mind you years and years ago I was coaching 1st base. F1 tries the pickoff I yell back and look at the runner. Throw was pretty bad and I got hit there too. Learned my lesson that even 1st base coaches need to wear one lol.

This happened couple years ago just prior to start of LL seniors baseball game (I was PU).
Coach: (His home crowd can hear him) "Hey Blue, do you have any balls?"
Me: I smiled and responded "Yes coach, I have been told I do."
Coach: Paused, smiled and said "I mean game balls."
Me: "Yes, what did you think I was referencing?"
Coach: Smiled, shook his head and walked away.
Game went smooth.

Are you bored because it's raining or because you are in Cleveland?:)

What's the difference? :D

Best one I've heard in a while was coach arguing balls and strikes. "You cannot have a zone that goes from here (swipes hand across his letters) to here (chops his knee caps)" When he was making his exit he asked me had I ever heard of a rule book and his own son asked him "if he had?" I nearly peed my pants.

Steve - yes, both.

Turned it Around
 

While doing a 3 game college series, The coach of home team usually has his ---hole tighten up in the 8th and 9th innings. Game 1, 9th inning, he is jumping up and down on every pitch. I issue a warning. I have the plate in game 3, so after the plate mtg, I watch a few pitches, then I walk over to his dugout and stand in front of him facing the field. After about 30 seconds he says, " What are you doing, are you ready to start?" I turned to him and said, "I thought I would call the balls and strikes from here today, since apparently you get a better angle from here." He puts his head down , while I head to the plate. His players were in hysterics. Nobody but the umpires and the home team had any idea what was going on. He had a quite different attitude from then on.

You've got to be kidding. That's pretty professional.

Has nothing to do with being professional it has to do with having a re poor with a coach. Most coaches after they sit and think about it knew that they went to far. By an umpire doing this I think that it lets the coach know that no hard feelings it's in the past and we can joke about it. There have been mean times that I have been PO about a parent sitting up one of the base lines making comments about balls and strikes but then the next time I see them it done and over with.

re poor

mean time

Wow. This passage you quoted, Garth, sets a new low for literacy on this board.

That post is funnier than any coaching antics could be.

I am going to re poor my drink and set my clock to Greenwich Mean Time.

Not said by a coach, but a player. After ringing him up on strikes, he takes a couple steps toward the bench, points at home plate with the bat and says "the plate is over there, blue". I point toward his dugout and reply "yea, and the bench is over there". His own teammates were rolling.

I sure could use a ham Greenwich with cheese right about now.

Hehehehehe ......
 

Welcome back dumdrum, how's the softball working out ?

"Hey, Blue - I found your cell phone...I know it's yours because it has three missed calls on it!"


or


Pitch comes in, I call it a ball. Catcher doesn't like it, yells at pitcher, "Keep it coming, I thought that one looked pretty good." Batter looks at catcher and says, "I'd hate to see your girlfriend if you thought THAT looked pretty good!"

:)

I know a guy that did something similar to this in a basketball game. College game, too. Coach shut up something good.

happened saturday night
 

Just happened this saturday night.......COLT League..(barely HS JV level of play this night).......batter swings and tops one off the plate that spins in the dirt just a foot in front of the plate...........

Batter takes off........I point fair.......catcher comes out makes a clean barehanded scoop and throws out the batter by 50 feet........at this time the DEFENSIVE manager comes out saying "I think that hit his foot....appeal that!!"................

Before I could answer... the catcher said "we got an out, why would we want a foul ball?....................

silence....dead silence.......

all I could do is shake my head.........