How about "who else is going to call it, Mr. Invisible??? Since nobody pays him, I guess he decided to not show up"

I've done similarly with the old "call 'em both ways, Blue" comment on strike calls. I say, "Okay" and call a strike with a point to the right, then a separate strike call pointing to the left. Always gets a laugh.

I had the pleasure of working baseball for many seasons with the legendary Bob Moss, who is a fine, rather rotund, African-American umpire, college professor, and motivational speaker. After asking me for help on a checked swing, and getting the "No, he didn't go!" response from me, he would bellow, "now you have it in black and white!":cool:

any coach who's stupid enough to argue a judgement call at 2nd base with only one umpire doesn't deserve more than 5 words. any player who's been around the game knows that you get what you pay for...with one umpire, sometimes it's an educated guess at 2nd base...bottom line.