I bet we've all wanted to do this!

[Mark Padgett]

This morning I worked some high school rec league games. Prior to the second one, my partner (Joe) tells me to watch out for one of the coaches because he is a real loudmouth. You know the type - he thinks it's a three man crew with him as the third man. Joe says he even tossed this guy once last year and he's just not going to take any crap from him.

OK - game starts. Just as Joe warned, this guy is calling the game from the get-go. "Travel, 3 seconds, that's a carry." He must have said them all. Finally, he yells my personal favorite, "Over the back" followed by my second favorite, "That's a reach."

On the next trip down the court, there's a violation and a dead ball. Joe goes over to right in front of this guy's bench and yells at him, "Your man didn't roll on that pick and roll. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?" The guy just stares. We come back his way again and call 3 seconds on his team. Again, Joe turns and yells at the guy, "Don't you teach your players to shoot when they're in the lane to avoid that call? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?"

The coach asks just what the heck is going on. Joe replies, "If you're going tell us how to referee the game, then it's only fair that we get to tell you how to coach."

The coach looked like a deer caught in headlights. Joe continued, "If you don't want us to do that, then sit down and keep your yap shut (yes, he really did say "yap"). The guy just kept staring, but sat down slowly.

Happy ending - he didn't say even one word to us the rest of the game. BTW - his team won by a big margin - must have been our coaching.