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About "I turn and ask "does someone have a question?". At this point a fan who is outside the fence but standing 1 foot away from the dugout and the coach says "just take care of the game, I can say anything I want to." I responded " no, you actually can't" and the fan gives a wave of his backhand. "
Starting the discussion is asking for trouble. You were right about "a no win situation", so leave it alone next time. Only deal with the bench or fans if someone says something truly insulting or offensive. Then inform the coach that whoever it was needs to be removed.
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Officiating takes more than OJT.
It's not our jobs to invent rulings to fit our personal idea of what should and should not be.
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