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Tough situation all the way around. But here's my take.
I've only had to do it once, but if I ask for a fan to be removed, we are not starting until the fan is gone. Same thing in baseball (of which I've had to have several fans removed at the little league level.) I may be in the minority on this, but that's the way it is. If game administration can't remove the fan, then guess what, we are waiting on the police to arrive and deal with the situation, even if it takes an hour. I would be hard pressed to call a forfeit in this situation (I know officials that would), but if I had to call an administrative T, I would. I'd be sure to give the teams head coach plenty of chance to deal with the problem though.
As for communicating with fans, I've seen it done before at all levels, including varsity, in my association. I personally don't have a problem with it as long as it's not interrupting the flow of the game. Generally when I see it happen is in pregame or between quarters. I try not to acknowledge fans during the game, I may have a quick chat or a quick hello before the game if it's somebody I recognize or know, but during the game, I try to be all business on the court. I've worked with partners that I've had to blow my whistle at and tell them "Let's Go!" because they were too busy associationing with fans. To me, that's crossing the line.
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