[teebob21]

2000 ASA Class C 18U Nebraska state tournament in a podunk town two hours from Nowhereville; consolation bracket final. Winner plays in the championship game.

Home Team A quickly gives up a solid lead, and appears to be coasting to a lazy run-rule loss on a hot summer afternoon. They have limited pitching, they can't field, they can't throw, and they're utterly baffled by the curveball that Team B's pitcher is spotting on the outside corner.

Fast forward to the fourth inning. I think it was 4-0 at this point. Team B has basically stopped swinging at hittable pitches and are looking for home run balls. They're striking out looking left and right.

In the bottom of the 4th, Team A's B1 hits a come-backer that whacks Team B's pitcher in the thigh. Looked like it hurt like hell. She shakes it off, throws a few trial pitches and says she is good to go. She walks the next two batters and loads the bases. She's clearly shaken after getting drilled.

Head coach goes out to talk to the pitcher, who as it turned out, was also his daughter. On the way back to the 3B dugout, PU tells the coach "first conference". Coach responds with "You gotta call those strikes both ways, man. You can't change your zone just to make this game interesting because we're winning." PU says, "That's enough; we're not going to argue balls and strikes today." End of conversation.

Problem was, after getting hit, the curveball wasn't working. It was staying a good 6 to 8 inches off the plate. Pitcher doesn't adjust, walks in a couple runs and makes it 4-2. By this point, Team B parents are going nuts about balls and strikes (like they do).

Top of fifth inning: Team A remembered how to use their gloves and is playing decent ball for a 18U C team. Team B has their at-bat end with a play at the plate that they disagree with. Throw comes in late, but the runner is hook sliding around the plate and never touches it; gets tagged out. Fans lose their minds.

Bottom of sixth inning: Team B's pitcher is still out there walking batters with outside pitches, and is nearly in tears about it. Coach comes out (rather politely considering the surroundings) to question balls and strikes after back-to-back walks. Crowd is pretty riled up and a few empty plastic bottles start coming over the fence. PU warns the coach about getting tossed for arguing the zone, and the crowd goes NUTS. Things like "OOOH, big man! You tell 'em!" come from the parents. PU tells the coach to get the crowd under control or the bleachers will be cleared before the game continues. Coach does so, reasonably well. Team A pushes in a run on a single to the outfield: 4-3 score.

Bottom of seventh inning: With one out, Team B pitcher still can't find strikes. She is pushed almost to tears again with every pitch not called a strike. She beans two batters and walks the next to load the bases. Like the pitcher, Team B parents think every one of those pitches was a strike. With one out, the batter hits an easy double play ball to F6 who inexplicably throws home when no one is expecting it. The throw is high, and the catcher jumps to make the catch; foot clearly off the plate. Runner scores before catcher comes down on the plate; PU signals safe. Tie game; 4-4.

Pandemonium erupts in the stands. A portable cooler comes over the fence from Team B. Team B's pitcher is crying in the circle. The chainlink fence is getting a workout, and Team B's fans' vocabulary has been reduced to various forms of the word "bullshit". The coach comes out of the dugout, but before he gets anywhere, base umpire instructs him to calm the crowd again or the game is over. A couple minutes and a mound visit later, things are approaching relative sanity. Pitcher is still crying and clearly upset but is left in the game.

Next pitch: Passed ball, terrible pitch. R1 at 3B starts to come home but sees the ball bounce sharply off the backstop directly to the catcher. R1 retreats to 3B, is dead-to-rights, and the thrown ball hits her in the back of the helmet and caroms into left field. She gets up, and scores before another play can be made. Game over.

At this point, Team B and their entire family tree absolutely loses their shit. PU was bumped into by the retreating batter during the final play and he dropped his mask. In the time it took to turn and pick it up, the P, C, 1B, and LF have cornered him near the plate. P says "You f***ing suck!" "You robbed us!" etc., and pushes the PU with both hands. One of the players punches the PU in the ribs. This is basically happening simultaneously. Meanwhile, PU sees head coaches from both teams coming in, fast. Team A head coach leads the base umpire off the field, but Team B head coach is still coming. Not knowing the head coach's intent, PU points at the four players and Team B head coach and loudly ejects them all from the grounds for the remainder of the tournament (not realizing they'd already been eliminated from play). Coach just nods and wrangles his wild players.

The grounds crew, armed with rakes, swarms in and escorts PU from the field to the grounds shed, like a Roman turtle formation. Unfortunately they took the wrong dugout exit and led the PU directly behind Team B's bleachers. Prim and proper old ladies in Team B T-shirts were yelling things like "Hey dumbshit, which one of those girls are YOU f***ing?!?" Snacks and drinks rained down, but thankfully, no more coolers.

It was madness. Some of the parents were so pissed that they had choice words for the umpires that weren't even on the field for that game, and for the UIC and tournament director. Those parents made asses of themselves even as their 17-18 year old daughters (Team B players) pleaded for them to stop and just go to the parking lot. The sheriff was called, but by the time he arrived, the worst was over and the players had left.

It was the most ridiculous game I have ever seen. Remember, this is 18U Class C State, not the World Series or anything. They weren't even going to advance to Regionals.

I was the plate umpire. I was 17 years old. Those were my first 5 ejections.