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Waste of time, but gotta do it
In Kentucky, we are required to read the sportsmanship card. I usually start the meeting by waving it around saying: "The card I'm not going to read is all about sportsmanship, so everybody play nice!" I then ask the coaches if everybody is legally and properly equipped. They always answer yes. "Thanks guys, good luck!" No more than a minute.
I did get one partner good this year, though. I was one of the umpires, and we were commenting before the game what a waste of time the captains/coaches meeting is. He went through the "play nice/legally equipped" stuff, then out of habit looked at us if we had anything to add. The other umpire started to back out and I stepped up and said (in my best Barney Fife impersonation: "Now boys! Tonight we're not gonna put up with any nonsense. We're nipping in the bud!"
Both coaches and the R about swallowed their gum. The kids also got a chuckle. The look on the R's face when I stepped up was priceless.
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