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I don't think the problem is yours are much as systemic. You held your standard and were consistent. IME though that is not the standard I see with my partners, in high school games, or I'm sure most coaches see regularly. If a coach then doesn't know you or your partner when they walk in to the gym they are just going to apply the regular standard.
The reality is I see a lot of games and work with a number of partners where if comments are not directed at a person specfically then they don't respond at all. ie. The coach just asking sarcastic questions out loud, making loud comments but not as part of a conversation, etc. = No reaction/T. So coaches don't feel like they are interacting with us or that we are impacted by their comments so they continue.
Then guys like you or me walk into a gym with expectations about conduct and unwilling to accept behaviour/decorum that belittles officiating/ the game and they are shocked when it happens.
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Coach: Hey ref I'll make sure you can get out of here right after the game!
Me: Thanks, but why the big rush.
Coach: Oh I thought you must have a big date . . .we're not the only ones your planning on F$%&ing tonite are we!
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