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I'm a varsity boys coach. I run into a consistent problem during games and I would like your advice on how to approach this with officials respectfully and productively.
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I am a volleyball coach and official and I have learned a ton about officiating from the guys (and girls) on this site. I have coached and officiated each for over 20 years so since you asked for advice, I'll chime in.
If you want to know how to effectively talk to an official, become an official. I'm not saying give up coaching and only officiate. I'm saying to add officiating to your resume. I'm lucky in that high school girls play volleyball in the fall and high school boys play in the spring so I can coach one and officiate the other. I realize that in most (if not all) states girls and boys high school basketball seasons run concurrently. That shouldn't stop you from coaching a high school team and then officiating a different level (middle school, grade school) or rec leagues or AAU.
Not only will you learn to look at games and situations differently, you will gain more rules knowledge and a better understanding of what officials are looking at and for. (sorry about ending that sentence with a preposition
) You'll also experience many instances of communicating with coaches and you'll learn how to effectively communicate with officials. Hopefully you'll also earn the respect of fellow officials who then won't look at you when you coach as one of the many rules-challenged coaches that they often encounter. That doesn't mean that you should expect favorable treatment, just that they may be more willing to give you an ear than they would a clueless coach.
And lastly, you'll learn that many times officials are correct when there is disagreement with coaches! It constantly amazes me that coaches (even those that I consider to be high-level coaches) simply don't know the rules and argue about calls and decisions that are clearly correct.