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I think it is really great you are working on this. The reality is that if you want to move up and get better games, you have to be able to communicate successfully with coaches. If you can't it will inhibit your progression. The top officials are almost always better communicators, problem-solvers... good skills in these areas can overcome average play-calling ability.
My feedback from Conversation #1:
You have to de-escalate the tension in the conversation. If a coach is yelling then before dialog can occur we need to reduce the volume to conversational. "Coach stop yelling at me." "Coach, I am happy to talk to you but not if you are yelling." Be professional, but if you approach a coach and he continues to yell, then back away. What we want to avoid is a coach yelling because we won't listen to him or are too far away. Sometimes you just need to stay away from a situation and with experience you will get a feel of when you should/shouldn't communicate with a coach.
I do not see why you need to get the last word "that's a T" in. This is only going to make a bad situation worse. A tech. should be called with the same emotion or even calmer than a regular call.
Conversation #2:
I would just say coach, "I saw a foul. The kid was hit on the arm." If he disagrees then say "I saw it differently" or "we will have to agree to disagree then." Getting into a verbal pissing match over JV or varsity coach is not good. He may feel like you are big-timing him if he is the JV coach. Remember that today's JV coach is tomorrow's varsity coach.
Keep working at it.
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