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I'm sure that you will have officials say that you need to be consistent in where you draw the line concerning ball-handling calls, and I would say that they are correct. However......
I've played in rec leagues for more years than I care to admit and I've officiated those (and other) leagues for almost as long. I will say that I do not officiate rec leagues exactly like I do high school or college matches. In college matches you really need to "call it both ways" when judging ball-handling. In high school, there are times that I will give one setter a little more leeway than the other - especially when the match is a clear mis-match.
Rec leagues are a different story. I've officiated high-level men's and co-ed leagues where they expect every contact to be judged the same. I've also worked leagues where there can be a large disparity in skill level and competitiveness between teams. I certainly will (and have) allow a lot more 'wiggle room' between setters when officiating matches where one team is obviously superior. It's very rare that the better team complains about the disparity. Actually, most times they're happy that I do it so they can have a few rallies instead of just being a serving-fest.
If you're playing in the league or you have officiated the teams in the league for a while, you should have a pretty good feel of whether or not you can (or should) set a different standard for each setter. If you're new to the league, it's best to call your matches like a college match. It usually doesn't take long to get to know what kind of league it is.
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