[Mark Padgett]

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner. "Mommy, how old are you?" she asked.

"Now dear," said her mother, "You should never ask a woman what her age is." "Why not?" demanded Jenny. "Because it isn't polite. You'll understand better when you grow up."

Jenny thought about it for a moment, then piped up, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

"Jenny," said her mother, "That's not a question you ask people." "Why not?" "Because it's not polite to ask grown-ups about how much they weigh. You'll understand some day."

"Mommy," Jenny asked, "Why did you and Daddy get divorced?" "Darling," her mother replied with a sigh, "That's something that's still very painful for Mommy, and I really can't talk about it now. I'll explain when you are a little older."

The next day, Jenny told a friend at school about the conversation with her mother. The other little girl explained to her, "All you have to do is get a look at your mom's driver's license. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it."

So little Jenny sneaked a peek in her mother's purse when she got home, and looked over her license, examining it carefully. That evening, she went back into the kitchen and announced, "I know how old you are, Mommy, You are 36!"
Her mother looked down at her, surprised.

"And I know how much you weigh!" said Jenny. "You weigh 135 pounds." "Jenny, where did you learn this?", her mother asked.

Jenny just smiled and continued, "And, I know why you and Daddy got a divorce." Her mother just gasped and asked, "Why?" Jenny replied, "Because you got an F in sex!"




While trying to escape from Baghdad, Saddam found a bottle in the desert and picked it up.

Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle, smiled and said, "Master, I am here to grant you one wish!"

"You ignorant unworthy daughter of a dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything!" barked Saddam.

The genie frowned and said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever." Saddam thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the inferior woman.

"Very well," he said. "I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning, so just do it and be off with you!" The genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.

The next morning Saddam woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his knee was broken, and he didn't have any health insurance!




One dark night, there was a bad thunderstorm. Little Johnny got scared and decided to go into his parent's bedroom. He looked in and saw the sheets going up and down, up and down.

"Daddy, Mommy - what are you doing?" he asked.

His embarrassed Dad replied, "Uh, we're playing canasta. Now go back to bed."

"Oh, OK" Johnny replied, and he returned to bed. After a few minutes, his dad started to get worried that maybe Johnny got the wrong impression, so he goes into Johnny's room to talk with him.

As he enters the room, he sees little Johnny's sheets going up and down, up and down.

"Johnny - what are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm playing canasta" little Johnny answers.

His dad says, "But you need two people to play canasta."

Little Johnny replies, "Not if you have a good hand."