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I've had coaches come ask questions after the game in the manner you described...calm, professional, etc. As long as they remain that way, I've had no problem with it. And when they show up to ask you, you can pretty easily tell whether it is going to be a problem or not. Usually, I don't permit it but few times I entertain the question. Never had it go bad on the few times I've let them ask.
As for the situations, there are two possible rulings in play here....
1. Players returning after a timeout
2. Players being confused after a substitution.
In #1, all players must return together or there is a T when/if the remaining players return during a live ball.
In #2, there is no T as long as the player doesn't return in a clearly deceitful manner.
In this case, it seems that there were no substitutions but a timeout. #1 would apply.
That said, it also seems that the missing player WAS on the court when play resumed. The OP had stated that she was standing inbounds near the bench area and they counted her as a player who had returned.
So, did she really not return at the same time as the others or did she just leave the court after having returned?
In that is the case, we only have to decide if it was for an unauthorized or unsportsmanlike reason and penalize accordingly if so. I'd say that it was clearly NOT unsportsmanlike and I also assert that leaving the court under confusion is not unauthorized. Leaving the court for unauthorized reasons usually involve a purpose....to gain something.
So, in this case, I'd say the return would be legal.
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