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In Federation mechanics, the referee always tosses the ball. If you decide upon a referee before the game, that person should lead your pre-game, too, and handle all of the duties specific to the R per the NFHS manual.
As to whether a shot went in or not, the officials should confer and, if one has definite knowledge, he should convey that to the calling official, who then can count or cancel the goal. It doesn't matter who is the referee. If none of the officials knows whether a shot went in, then consult the table officials.
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