[A Pennsylvania Coach]

Freshman/8th grade girls doubleheader. Games are scheduled for 4:00 and 5:00, which usually leaves enough time to be out of the way by 6:15 for a 6:30 JV game and 8:00 varsity game. However, these two schools both dropped their HS JV teams this year due to low numbers. So there was just a 7:00 varsity game, meaning we had plenty of time. Or so I thought....

As kindly as I can say it, my partner is a spaz. I've worked with him once before, last season. The highlight of that game was him "selling" an "over the back" call with some combination of the "no shot" mechanic with the infamous signal that a rare few use for over the back. I'm sure you know the one I mean. It looked like he was having a seizure.

Back to yesterday. I nominated him to be the R for the freshman game. I mean, I got there at 3:30 and he had already gone to the trouble of selecting a game ball and he brought it with him to the locker room when I went to change, so there's that. We got through the first game with almost no problem, so I was feeling good. We were about 10 minutes behind schedule but we had an extra half hour, so we were home free.

I toss to start the 8th grade game, and the tip goes out of bounds opposite the table. I wait for the whistle. And wait. And wait. So I finally blow it myself and look at him. He gives me the jump ball signal. Great start. Ten seconds in, he calls a foul from lead on the defending point guard who is about eight feet away from me and about 45 feet away from him. On the first possession at the other end, with me as lead, the defense pokes the ball away up top and OOB on my sideline. Double whistle, and I glare at him to back him down before I signal. Too late, he is already putting on a show making the call. At least he got it right!

It took a long time to get through the first half (visitors up 10-9) because these kids just didn't know how to play. We had to constantly line them up for free throws, we had a one-and-one where nobody moved, and it seemed like everyone defending the inbound wanted to reach across the line or come close. I tried to cover a couple topics with my partner at halftime but he didn't seem to understand a single thing I said.

Only two things to note in the third quarter: 1) I had a half-dozen calls poached, including a FT violation on the shooter for stepping over the line that he called from the lead despite the fact that I had already blown the whistle. 2) I finally called a delay of game warnings on each team for breaking the plane.

On to the fourth. We had an injury and a couple time outs, so the game was really starting to stretch out. The gym was filling up for the varsity game and the more people in the gym, the more demonstrative my partner got. He had another nice combo signal: the travel and the "wipe it off" (even though there was no shot and the play was 80 feet from the basket. He also had a ball go out of bounds and decided to immediately signal both the direction of play (left arm straight out) and the throw-in spot (right arm straight out).

Now on to the climax. 1:10 to play, home down 20-18, throwing in from opponents' endline, my throw-in. V42 almost hugs the thrower, with both arms two feet over the line. I whistle and make a T signal, then go to the table and report. Home misses the freebies that I administer (after switching on the T) and I toss the ball to my partner for the midcourt throw-in. V42 defending. She must've broken the plane again, because my partner whistles then breaks out his Windmill T that he must've been saving up for the right moment. Too bad this wasn't it. He whacks V42 pretty much right in her face accompanied by a second whistle. I'm watching the activity at the table as he goes to report and it looks like he is sending 42 off and she is starting to cry! I hustle over and ask him what is going on and he says she is out for two technical fouls. I tell him they are team technicals and not on the player so now he wants to seatbelt the coach. Sigh. I bypass him, tell the table and the coach that the technicals are team and not on the player (my mistake for not telling the scorer that when I called the first one) and we continue. Home makes one of two, now 20-19. We survive the last 70 seconds with no more drama or scoring and get done about 6:40.

I stuck around and went in the locker room with the varsity guys to let them beat me up a little, but all their vitriol was for my partner who left right away. They pointed out one thing I missed. He had an OOB that went out deep on the sideline. But he awarded the throw-in on the baseline, halfway between the arc and the lane. The visitors threw it in right under the hoop and scored the basket that broke the 18-18 tie.

So mick, GIGDGO?