Quote:
Originally Posted by bas2456
Tomorrow night I have my first high school game. It's a freshman B boys game, and I was looking for simple advice as to dealing with coaches. Any tips?
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Try to keep both coaches happy. Watch the foul count and make "extra" *wink, wink* calls if you have to in order to keep it even as possible. If a fan says anything to you, give him the one eye wild look, sneer menacingly and growl. If a coach irritates you, tell HIM, "Shut the hell up and sit yer @SS down little girl before I gotta put you down mudda fukah." Make sure to hit concessions during half time, or break between double header and announce, "I'm here for my free referee hot dog, do you warm your buns?" Then ask for a cup of coffee and tell them, "leave enough room in the cup for my booze." Wear a sweatshirt under your ref jacket emblazoned with the macot name or school name of one of the teams and make sure it's noticed. Doesn't matter which side. In pre game, spend all of your time talking to one coaching staff, while ignoring the other, crack innapropriate ethnic jokes. Say out loud at the scorers table, "I accidentally brought me reading glasses, so this might not go well." Whenever a player hits the deck, jump in the air, land in a wide squat with arms spread wide and yell, "Safe!" When you're the trail, see how many possessions in a row you can not make it across half court. If a Coach tries to confront you, break into your best Bobby Diniro, "You talking to me, you talking to me, you talking to me punk?" Pay a street person, or otherwise needy person to come into the game and loudly heckle you from half way up the stands, then the first time a coach makes a peep directed at you, call an officials time out, leap into the stands and punch out the heckler. Then go back to the coach and say, "Sorry, you were saying?"
Good luck, btw- if you were any one of the 6 referees working our two game scrimmage tonight, you did a good job. We had nobody at the scorers table because it was a running clock and no score board, so the 3 refs not in the game at the moment were sitting at the table. At one point, one of the guys (referee) hollers, "C'mon Ref, you're killing me!" I looked over and he had a big grin on his face. I'm still laughing about that one.