I once read an article about Earning Respect, that is probably much better than any other advice I could pass along.
Earning Respect
By David Knopf
Edited for Baseball by James C. Annaccone
If getting respect were as easy as Aretha Franklin would lead us to believe, we'd all be singing about it on the Field.
The truth is, respect is an intangible that accrues slowly for most officials. I say “most” because we all know that respect is an impossibility for officials at the low end of the spectrum, but seems to come naturally for good officials at the high end. Let's assume that most of us fall somewhere in between, not only do we want to improve, but we have the ability to so. So let’s define respect, break it down into several key elements and see how our own games measure up.
The most respected officials exude unpretentious confidence. They combine decisiveness, knowledge of the game, professionalism, well-developed social skills and a calm demeanor that communicates itself to players, coaches, officials and fans.
It can't be emphasized enough that respect has much to do with perception. This isn't to say that it doesn’t have substance or isn’t deserved. It's just that some of us are blessed with a greater command over complex situations, such as competitive baseball games. That command is often communicated intuitively to people around us.
Having said that, let's look at a few elements of respect that fall under the general heading of "Professionalism."
Timeliness– Officials, who show up a few minutes before game time, unconsciously communicate disrespect for the game they’re about to work. They project a harried image and often worry coaches and fellow officials. By arriving at the last minute, they leave no time for an effective pre-game discussion.
It's advisable to get to the ball field at least 30 minutes before game time to put some distance between yourself and the work day, rush-hour traffic, personal worries, etc. Well-respected officials set the tone for themselves and everyone else by getting to the field early and preparing for the game.
Appearance - Good appearance isn't everything, but it'll get you in the door. If you show up at games with your shirt and pants dirty and wrinkled, shoes not shined, tattered and dirty hat, you immediately set a lower standard for yourself in the eyes of the players and coaches. Sure, an official may dress to the nines and still stink up a game, but many good ones earn a measure of respect with a strong first impression. The professional looking official has to prove himself once the first pitch is thrown but he won't have as far to go to get there.
Fitness – The mechanics of baseball officiating has afforded all of us the opportunity to easily be in the right spot at the right times. With the exception of those that might just be lazy or physically handicapped, getting to the right spot at the right time may be limited by our physical conditioning. For that reason, it’s important that we cover the distance without looking like we're about to pass out. Go to the gym once in a while, ride a bike, swim or lift weights. For the serious official, physical preparedness and self-discipline pays off, particularly with your concentration late in a game. Even though players are half or a third of your age, take pride in matching or exceeding their level of exertion. Rational being, that you may earn their respect by extending yourself. Even if you don’t, at least you will earn your own respect.
Professional Bearing - Have faith that performing simple duties such as checking the field, helmets and bats and possible other unsafe conditions or equipment, can contribute to respect. This shows the coaches and players that you are gathering information about that game, before it begins. The information is useful, but so is their perception. Show them that you care enough about your performance, by taking seriously the enforcement of all safety regulations before the game and are approaching the game with the same intensity as a player.
If you shake hands with one coach, make sure to shake hands with the other. Be friendly, but the last thing you want to do is be seen shooting the breeze or joking around with a coach or player before the game. It's safe to say players, coaches and fans from the other team will take notice. If you take a drink from one team's water jug before or during the game, make sure to get your next drink from the opponent's side.
Being professional, looking and acting the part, is only a first step toward earning respect. An official must do more than talk the talk. The real test, graded by players, coaches, fans and other officials, rests heavily on an official's instinctive ability to manage a game and the people who play and coach it.
There are no absolutes in effective management. Different styles work for different officials, and no one style will work with equal success in all game conditions. So let's look at a few elements under the heading “Game Management."
Knowledge of the Game – In addition to knowing the rules and learning mechanics, a good official should understand what teams are trying to achieve and be prepared for potential situations. For example, if Team is down by a run in the late innings and gets the lead batter on first base, you may anticipate a bunt. Runner on third, maybe a squeeze play will be coming if it's late in a tied game.
With knowledge of the game and game situations, an official demonstrates that he or she isn't just calling the game according to an instruction book. He's reading the circumstances and adjusting accordingly; if his judgments are good, he's earning respect.
Spirit of the game - This ones tough, but it underlies everything that happens on the diamond. There is an unwritten code in baseball that dictates what is and isn't acceptable, at almost each and every level. The risk of serious injury runs counter to the spirit of the game: You just don't let players go after a player's Achilles tendon and cause injury. An official who doesn't understand that will never earn players' respect. Similarly, by overlooking a player’s verbal dissatisfaction and frustration with his own performance when know one is close by, can certainly earn respect from the players and coaches. As officials we can win the respect of legitimate players by not over-reacting in situations we should be ignoring.
Over Officiating- An official can hurt himself by being overly officious on the field. A good example is keeping a batter in the box. The rules list when a batter can leave the batters-box. If for some reason the batter leaves for another reason does it ALWAYS call for a penalty strike? By the book, yes. However, it is perfectly acceptable and respectable, to remind the batter to “step back in the box, please”. How about when two players pass you by and you hear one of them swear in a personal conversation between them. Do you warn or eject the players? They have a saying in officiating for things like this. Don’t were your “rabbit ears” in the game. By the same token you will certainly not entertain any loud or personalized expletive deletive directed towards you, by an opponent, coach or spectator. You have taking care of business when it was necessary. This is earning respect.
All you are trying to do is work hard to influence behavior, in that sense; you’re a salesman on the field, looking to close a deal wherever you can.
Also, don’t be afraid to listen to a fair amount of minor dissent. Although the book may call for a warning, toughen up and try other means to make your point. Try approaching a coach with the line-up card in hand and say something like, “Coach, I have heard enough from your dugout. Can you please get control of them or I will have to ask someone leave. “. This works far better than going over to the dugout and trying to bark out warnings. This also works if you sense that your respect hangs in the balance, and a player or troublemaker is going to test your limits. Use the coach as your negotiator. This indirectly gains much respect and a emphatic way to make a point when used wisely.
Gentle Manipulation – You should be constantly working to earn respect. One way to do it is by acknowledging a player or coach who does something positive. If a coach takes care of a situation for you, make sure to say thank you at some point latter in the game. If you’re a good fan of the game you most likely enjoy good hitting, fielding, throwing and even a nice over the fence home run. So don’t be afraid to boost a player's self-esteem by complimenting his work. If a player makes a strong effort but just misses the out or hit, say something like, “Good try”. If a player knows you respect his ability or judgment, you have a good shot at earning his respect.
Field Presence - It never hurts to watch your-self on film, but be prepared for a shock. We almost all believe we look better than we do. Like it or not a large component of respect resides in how we appear during the game. Simple things like how we hustle get into position and how we give our signals, determine the message we send. If an official looks weak because of his physical presence, he may be classified as a weak official even if his judgment is sound. In contrast, an official who looks strong may get away with minimal grumbling on a borderline call simply because of his physical presence.
Approachability - Earning respect is all about knowing when and how to draw the line. Encourage players and coaches to approach you if they can do it with reasonable respect. Allow them to blow off steam and avoid an explosion later. This is also about perception. By being approachable you project an image that will help you win respect in the long run. Don’t go too far and become a social worker. The key is to know when to stop talking and allow the game to continue.