Why do you say the R has to have this discussion with him? Shouldn't it be the crew chief? Or are you assuming that they are one and the same?
As to the whining factor, I'm guessing that this is one of the biggest factors in officials quitting. If you can't handle it, get out. If it bothers you and keeps you up at night, get out. The whining and how you deal with it is almost more important that your rules knowledge or mechanics. If you can't deal effectively with it, then you cannot be an effective official.
Trap, if you were to come to me as a person who had this problem, I think I would want to discuss why you feel this way, and how we can refocus you on the officiating instead of the outside influences. On a practical basis, I think that if you were the type to want to talk to somebody about it, you could probably be "saved". It's the people who don't want to talk about the situation, but just get surly, distracted, or disinterested who suddenly give it up or worse, drive everybody they work with crazy.
As a basketball official once confided in me, he planned in his last year, "I'm going to go on a grand tour and T up every one of those SOBs that have made my life miserable for the last thirty years". He was kidding (I think so anyways
).