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I was simply responding to the situation in your OP - where the official does not have his arm out. If I didn't see the player take the space for some reason, I might not have my arm out. Keep in mind that as lead, I am not responsible for all of the players in all of the lane spots - my partner is responsible for some of them, so he may have his arm out and I might not. It depends on which one of us has the responsibility for the player who violates. If I see it, I will have my arm out. Regardless, the shooter should never ever toss the ball to me unless I have asked for it.
Personally, I would never let the lane space violation go - rec league or not - if I see it, I will have my arm out.
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