My son's soccer team had "no scoring" in the first few years -- ages 5, 6, 7, 8 -- but it did little good. Some people seem to see self-worth in being ahead of others and no matter what you do, they keep track. Sadly, this life philosophy gets handed on to the children. I remember in particular when my son was seven, after a game a little boy from the other team came up afterward and said, "Ha ha, we beat you nine to two" His mother came running over and said to him, "Honey don't tease the poor little boy, he can't help it if he's not very good." I was so appalled I wasn't even angry! Can you imagine saying that to a 7-year-old?
I've been around various competitive sports for years and in my opinion the main number one problem is the parents who have a win at all costs attitude. Life isn't worth living and the kids are worth raising if "we" aren't winning. I don't know what the larger answer is but as a parent, I have tried to help my kids avoid this attitude mostly by not being around it. Also I can be scathing in talking to these parents if they get started.
As a ref, my observation is that it is often the winningest team that yells the loudest! At first this baffled me, but I've gotten used to it. My only discussion, if for some reason I MUST say something, is to point out, "I can't see that there would be a lot of satisfaction in winning by breaking the rules. Have you ever studied a rule book? Are you aware of the rule changes for 2000-2001? Do you know the 10-second-count differences between the NBA, NCAA, NAIA, NFHS, FIBA, WNBA, CBA and local rec league? Someone as concerned about the details as you [this is an insult although they don't know it -- in my family it is a euphemism for unhealthily anal-retentive] should probably study up so that your son/daughter can improve in the area of <>. Here is the address of the National Rule Book Office for the High School Federation. You can order books and study them to help your child." I say all this without a hint of sarcasm or condescension.
I have actually printed up slips of paper with the NFHS address. I have them tucked into the center of my much studied, flagged, dog eared rules books -- I keep all four of them taped together!. I ostentatiously pull out the books, and hand this slip to the parent, and the occasional coach, along with the subtle message that I am really a good ref who is a) well studied up on rules, b) concerned about the child c) willing to listen, but most of all d) way more mature and reasonable than the parent (and occasional coach). I have found this approach to be completely victorious in a number of situations and I am working during my off months to perfect it. (I actually say this speech to myself in the car, to get it down to a science).
My theory in all this is that the violence is brought on by frustration and blaming the referee for any personal problems. Of course, that's not true, but people who are prone to violence are not usually open to discussion. By shifting the attention back to something the parent (or coach) can do, it keeps the attention off me and onto the game and the skills.
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