Scrapper, the only real way to determine doubles is to see them. Disregard spin (although it MAY be a clue) and the player's body position. The easiest way to pick up a double is to focus on the hands of the player when she contacts the ball. Avoid following the ball into the hands - you won't be able to pick up the multiple contacts at all.
Good for you on carding the assistant coach for inserting herself/himself into the match. Since the ball-handling is always a judgment call, I may cut the head coach a little slack (very little!), but I have no tolerance for assistant coaches trying to influence my calls or trying to make me look bad (I can do that all by myself without any help!).
Since you use NCAA rules, the NCAA ball-handling directive applies, but it sounds like your coaches still want ball-handling called the same old way - tight. The thing to remember with the directive is that the player has to be making an athletic play on the ball for the minor double to be ignored. If the player catches it or chucks it over the net, it should still be called - we do not ignore the catch or the throw if it occurs.
Hope that is a little help.
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Jan G. Filip - San Jose, CA
EBVOA Rules Interpreter Emeritus
NCS Volleyball Officials Coordinating Committee Recorder
CIF State Volleyball State Championships Referee (2005), Scorekeeper (2006-2007) & Libero Tracker (2010)
PAVO State Referee (2014) / PAVO Certified Scorekeeper (2014) / PAVO Certified Line Judge (2012)
USAV Junior National Referee (resigned 2013) / USAV National Scorekeeper (2014)
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