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May I just add a couple things that are particularly for women? The basic fact is that most male coaches, most not all, and some female coaches have far less respect for a female ref than for a male ref. The result is that the woman official has to do a lot more management than a male official. I was giving way too few T's the first year, and was told at a camp by a woman evaluator, "You should plan to give more T's than a man, until you get your legs under you." That helped and the next year and a half, I probably gave way too many, but by the end of my third season, I was doing it just about right. Here are five observations that I have made that have helped me. I guess these are all good hints for all officials, but they go double for women.
a) each coach is a different person. Don't treat them all the same. Establish in your mind three to five categories of how to handle coaches, and try to figure out what's going to work with which ones.
b) an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If a few words of discussion will help, do it. If a warning is needed, do it. If you need a different look on your face, do it.
c) carefully practice phrases and sentences that will de-fuse a situation. Think how they would make you feel if you were a frustrated coach.
d) don't be afraid to admit you're wrong. Don't do it very often, but it can be a great preventative.
e) maintain a sense of perspective and balance. Give the T when the coach gets personal, but don't take it personally. Once you lose your balance (ie temper), you/ve lost your only advantage.
Here's the best hint: You'll know you gave a T appropriately, if the coach settles down from then on and the kids start playing better. This happens very often, and you should go back after the game, and figure out when you gave the T and why, and what type of coach that was, so that next time, you can do the same again.
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