[rainmaker]

Originally posted by LarryS
I agree that we are wired differently. But I also see people on both sides move toward the middle. My daughter is much more driven in her activities than in the past. I, on the other hand, am less competitive than I was in years past. I still strive to advance in my career but am much more patient in waiting on the advancement. Also, that is the only area where I actively seek to advance. In the past, if I joined an organization or started doing something I worked tirelessly to get a leadership role or advance. Now, I honestly could not care less if I advance in my ancillary activities – including officiating (OK, I’m busting my hump to get better at golf but that is only to prove to that stupid white ball I’m the boss). If someone else wants the leadership position…FANTASTIC. Somebody else wants the great schedule, go for it. You want the playoff games instead of me…that’s fine.

I came to the realization (or finally understood) that my self worth has absolutely nothing to do with how I’m viewed in those areas. There are only three people on the face of this great earth whose opinion of me as a person are important…an none of them ever post on this board (no offense intended). Do I hope that people like me…yes. Would I prefer that people respect my work and effort…yes, especially my boss. But I will survive if others do not hold me in high regard. So you see, I think as people mature they tend to move toward a mix of competitive and collaborative because the begin to develop a sense of what matters in life.

I think you make a good point that both have their place. The point in the book is not that each man is competitive, but that the culture of men is based on competition. There is a subtle difference, but important. Women can certainly be very competitive, but the culture that women establish tends to be collaborative.

In the area of reffing, you aren't as driven as some, and you may find that most of your relationships with other refs aren't really competitive, but the culture that grows up between refs is based on competition, if your area is anything like mine. This is good since it drives people to excell, and great reffing is good for the game. I would guess that in either kind of culture, the variety of people can find their places, but since men had the culture all to themselves in the beginning, it was the male culture that became established.