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Coaches have a lot on the line with every game at every level and you should give them some leeway. Baseball and softball guys have the ability to "walk" a coach back to the dugout during an argument and it is a beautiful thing. For us football guys we don't have such an effective method.
One thing I like to do is to let a coach vent as long as he keeps it clean. Nothing could be worst than to banter back and forth and keep the argument going, so, I tell them what I have to tell them and let them rant on. At some point they will either run out of steam or you just simply walk away.
I remember the story of Bill LeMonnier, a premier Big Ten referee, from the 2006 Michigan-Ohio State game. Following his call on a Michigan player for helmet-to-helmet hit on OSU QB Troy Smith, Michigan coach Lloyd Carr was verbalizing to his wingman. So, LeMonnier decided he should go over and help out his wingman. When he asked Lloyd Carr what the problem was, Carr questioned whether LeMonnier's mother and father were married when he was born.
Now you have to think that was worth a flag. But Carr was not flagged.
On Monday following the game, LeMonnier received a call from Carr apologizing for his outburst (the permission to call was cleared with the Big Ten supervisor).
Remember this was a huge game and what would have been gained by the flag. Carr was obviously upset and I am sure later when he saw the film he noticed it was the right call at a crucial point in the game. For LeMonnier to have flagged Carr would have been a 15-yard penalty which metaphorically would have been the gas on the fire. Instead, LeMonnier gave Carr the proverbial "OK, Coach" and continued the game.
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