[wadeintothem]

I have it all pictured.. on some slow pitch softball field in Delaware, the teams are sitting there having their pregame adult beverages....

"Hey here comes the blue!" They say in anticipation of starting the game. The umpire, Ira, jumps out of his toyota, wearing his shorts, cowboy boots,and lil ball bag. The teams start to get ready to play, but the umpire wanders into the grass.

"Fill in that divot in left field!" The umpire shouts "You could lose an eye over there".

"Darn it, I need that hole in the fence duct taped! I could have to call a GRD, you know!". The umpire states, eyeing the poor conditions of his domain, a vein starting to pop out in his neck.

"And I want that 'J&J automotive' banner straightened! Its crooked." He yells.


The manager approaches the seething umpire.. "Blue, we just wanna play ball buddy".

"You are ejected!!!" The umpire yells, looking into his line up card holder, so as to not embarrass the coach. "Have you not read page 175 of the umpire manual?". The umpire stomps off, perhaps seeing another divot which could use fillin.